December 4 Reverb11– Guru (Teacher)

What was the most important lesson you learned about yourself in 2011? Was it a sudden epiphany or a gradual realization?


"At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want." ~Lao Tzu
 
I've learned a lot this year, or re-learned a lot to be more precise. Most recently I've realized that I continue to do things based on my perception of other people's expectations. This is something I am still wrapping my brain around, and thus, not exactly a lesson learned but the syllibus has been presented.
 
The most important lesson I did learn, which was an epiphany while writing a blog post (unpublished thus far), was that I am currently living as if past hurts are my present. It dawned on me that I was living with the pain of comments made to me 24 years ago (when I was 17) by a person who is of no consequence in my life. And that this person a) has no idea that what he said caused me pain  and b) probably doesn't even remember the comments.

Image credit: Poesy Art Gallery

I had given a string of words the power to affect my self-esteem, doubt my "worth" and negate any other person's opinion of me if it contradicted these past words. How strange that I would believe those words, internalize them and 'become' them while I dismissed the positive and encouraging words from those I love and trust, who are a part of my life now, as if they were lying to me!
 
This lesson was always within me, the answer on the tip of my tongue. Writing, for me, is therapeutic and reveals things my mind sometimes can't until it is in black and white...