This coming year I want to focus on compassion for myself in order to find the inner love that will enable me to be of better service to others. On the surface this may sound selfish so let me explain.
For as many New Year's that I can remember, my resolutions have always contained the desire to 'get in better shape', 'lose weight', 'exercise more' and other similar goals that reflect the unhappiness with my self. None of these goals help to become more at peace, more accepting or a better person over all. In my case, my health is excellent...losing weight or exercising more isn't going to improve my cholesterol levels or blood pressure. Which means, in all reality, my desire to 'get in shape' is strictly for vanity.
To be sure, I have goals of completing another marathon and one more Tough Mudder. I also want to make that summit attempt on Mt. Shasta...and these require physical ability. But they don't require 6-pack abs or an obsessive compulsive addition to working out. Not at the expense of time with friends, family and nature. There has to be some balance. At 41 years old I don't need to become a fitness model or the most ripped lady at the gym...not if it means I have to eat egg whites and protein shakes everyday while worrying about how a weekend 'vacation' may sabotage my entire training plan.
No, 20+ years of obsessing about my weight, never being happy with the scale (regardless if it read 165 pounds or 89 pounds or anywhere in between), eating 'fake' foods to try to lose 5 pounds, and being down on myself for not looking 'perfect' has taken an emotional toll.
If, in 2012, I can work towards accepting and loving me for all of the good and positive things I do (or am capable of doing), even if I am still carrying around an extra 5 or 10 pounds, I will be able to free up so much time and space in my head to really focus on serving others. If I can stop worrying about how 'fat' I look I can actually learn to love the moment even more.
When I'm dead I would rather people remember the good things I did rather than if I had a flat stomach or could still fit into a size 6.
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