Stumbling Through the Creative Process...

Often times I have so many thoughts and ideas in my head that I actually become paralyzed. And this is true of writing. I'm the kind of person who has difficulty making decisions when offered too many choices...I'm a true Libra. Other times when I sit at the computer and start typing about things I am passionate about the story seems to fall apart before my eyes. As much as I cut and paste and rewrite, I just can't seem to get it to flow. And as we all know, I'm already "bad" at rambling. I have flaws, true...but I also have things I want to say and words I need to type and stories that may be of no interest to anyone else but still must be written. I need a process to be sure.

One thing I found out recently is that when I allow for other forms of creativity, it sparks a deeper desire or connection in all areas of my life. We have been staying with my mom in Alabama for the past month. We wanted to take this opportunity to not only spent time with her but to do some remodeling in the RV. Out of necessity I started to learn to sew (with a lot of my mom's help).

Learning to sew.

Somehow, in the course of sewing curtains, making "new" reusable grocery bags and drastically changing the interior of our RV I got inspired to cook, write and take more photos. After months of falsely thinking I was getting my creative inspiration from pictures posted on Pinterest rather than touching, feeling, tasting and smelling life I realized I needed to actually do things rather than just pin things. As much as I thought I would be moved into action by other people's posts I found I was letting my creative spark die out. It was also adding to the clutter in my mind, something I could use less of in the first place.

Fortunately, I recognized that I was wishing for inspiration rather than actually finding inspiration. For me, the doing is the key to continued creativity which, it seems, can come in many forms. It's a lot like working out and eating healthy...whichever one you start first, the other usually will follow and they will continue to 'feed' off of each other (in a good way). Along the way I gained a different perspective regarding Pinterest...rather than using it as a "If I Were Rich (or skilled or talented or knew how to knit)" wish list I am pinning things that I can use now or in the near future (it was indispensable in coming up with colors and ideas for our RV remodel).

Here are a few creative projects recently completed:

I found these shutters at a local flea market for $3.55. Loved the size but the artwork was not going to work.

After: We separated the shutters and repainted them a coral color and then distressed them for a more rustic look.

This is the other shutter with added mason jars attached by copper pipe straps-used to hold an air plant and my pens and pencils. You can also see a small note card from Ellen at Fat Girl Wearing Thin who sells her beautiful art work at EllenBrennemanStudio.

I modified one of my favorite t-shirts into a little tank I would wear more often (I'm not a fan of crew necks). I love the Eat More Kale guy!

While this is very basic sewing I was glad to be able to re-purpose some old shirts into reusable shopping bags.

Found this chair at the thrift store for $5...it was pretty dirty but otherwise sturdy.

 

Here's the same chair after painting it cobalt blue and distressing it to fit the 'rustic' ambiance.

I also made some reusable mesh produce bags thanks to a tutorial from blogger Valerie Brady at Tried & True.

Sewing my new produce bags from our old laundry bag.

Now, if only I could get myself to lace up those running shoes once again...

Don't Call It a Comeback...

I've had quite a long (unplanned) hiatus from my blogs (I also write at Tales From the Mutiny). I partially blame our travels...we hit the road October 3, 2012 in our 32-foot RV, The Mutiny, which left us without internet much of the time. But part of it has been sheer laziness. I know I'm not the only one who finds that they can fill their days with plenty of busy work to avoid doing other things...like writing. I don't want to call this a comeback because I really didn't leave my blog or abandon my writing...it's always there in my thoughts...every day. I just got really, really shall we say...sidetracked.

via Pinterest

Although writing is one of my passions I still have mini panic attacks when I write, publish posts or submit articles for Elephant Journal. I'm always afraid that no one will care, my article will be rejected or that failure in some form or another is just around the corner. I also have a problem with keeping a journal to jot down all of the brilliant ideas and thoughts I have throughout the day...the ones I'm sure would make a fabulous entry. Then, when I sit at the computer my mind seems as blank as the screen. And I want to kill that flashing cursor.

via Pinterest

One of my sewing projects, making reusable shopping bags out of old t-shirts.

So, I have been occupying my time with this busy work...yoga, reading articles and books, organizing the RV, remodeling the RV interior and sewing, which is totally new to me. The yoga part isn't really busy work...it's a life line and it has helped me build some confidence. I did a month long yoga challenge (#yogaeverydamnday) and saw so much improvement that I became addicted. I took some time to work on a few balance poses which really helped me understand the concept of beginner mind. We can't start out as pro's in everything we do...there is always a learning curve.

In Mobile, Alabama

White Sands National Monument

I'm still trying to figure out this life balance. Sometimes the full-time RVing seems like a full-time job but then I realize how luck I am to be able to do this at my age. It's not fair to complain. And I know that I tend to procrastinate. I can only beat myself up about this so many times...

I am exploring and working hard at figuring out how to make this all work...the need to write, finding the inspiration and direction, staying creative, keeping positive and being fearless. I am experimenting with new passions and creative endeavors and am thankful for some new friends (and old) who help inspire me. I've also got a new gadget (Karma) which I am hoping will give me more reliable internet once we resume our travels.

I'm also trying to learn that life isn't always go...go...go. But that sometimes there is nothing wrong with taking a nap, laying in the sun, reading a book or doing a whole lot of nothing.

By the way, I am also on Instagram at lynnbonelli (isn't everyone??) and would love to follow you back so leave your user name in the comments!

Trying to find balance...

Some how I feel like I am more busy now than when I was working. Well, maybe not exactly but I am finding out how much work it is to be a full-time traveler (while taking care of an RV, husband, dog and 2 cats~there's a lot of mapping and cleaning and research involved!). Not that I'm complaining...but I suppose I am giving myself an excuse as to my lack of writing...and working out.

A cairn at Golden Canyon Death Valley National Park

I sure thought it would be easy to start running again...you know, with being in all of these beautiful National Parks and County campgrounds. But it's not. There are a lot of unknowns out there. We are often in places for just a night or two and not all of them appear 'safe' as far as getting out there alone to run a few miles. I've also 'allowed' myself the following excuses:

• It's too windy. (Las Vegas and Bullhead City)
• It's too hilly. (Sequoia, California Hot Springs, Panamint Springs)
• I don't know the area.
• I have to do laundry. (this is a half a day task in the RV)
• It's too hot. (Death Valley)
• It's too cold. (the desert)
• I'll look stupid in front of the other RV park guests. (yes, I used that one once and ended up walking about 3 miles instead of running)

And while sometimes there are legitimate reasons to skip a run (after all, you have to feel safe and not get lost and running in 45 mph winds with gusts up to 65 mph isn't my idea of a fun run) I've certainly had many opportunities to just get out there and just run. Instead I opted for some hiking and biking, which wasn't all that easy. One of our hikes was over 7 miles and uphill for half of it and another was 3 miles but had a 1000 foot elevation gain within 1.5 miles.

In Yosemite and Death Valley National Parks.

Still, I am starting to get the ache to run...especially when I read some of the blogs I follow, or tweets from runner friends. At this point (2 months since my last run, which was a trail half marathon) I am sure it will feel like starting over...low mileage and struggling with breathing. But I also remember the feeling of accomplishment and the freedom I would feel of just being outside running.

Admittedly, there is still that part of me that feels almost guilted into working out, and perhaps that's why I am resisting. I don't want my body image to dictate whether or not I work out or run. There's a fine line between loving yourself as you are and letting it all go to pot. So I am trying to let the desire return on it's own in some respect. I don't want to become that obsessive compulsive exerciser again...working out because I am less than if I don't.

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In the meantime, I'll continue with the hiking and biking with some kettle bell workouts and yoga mixed in for good measure. As far as writing, well I have filled up half a composition book over the course of 30 days since we are so often without Internet that it's the only way to keep up with my thoughts. Hopefully, as we travel to more civilized areas I can turn some of those words into future blog posts. I think there's some good stuff in there!

As I was writing this I came across a couple of interesting articles I felt described what I meant in regard to taking my exercise too far. Here are the links, I highly recommend them!

http://whole9life.com/2012/06/be-good-to-yourself-inside-and-out/
http://whole9life.com/2012/10/lies-we-tell-ourselves/
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/10/strong-is-the-new-skinny-my-ass-sandi-burden/

Living Off the Grid...

We left our "home" 18 days ago but it seems like so much more time has passed. Perhaps it's been from the lack of cell and Internet access for most of these days. Our first stop was Bodega Bay, which was beautiful since the weather gods graced us with sunshine and very little fog. I was also fortunate to have a full day to myself since the hubby went golfing with a friend at the little 9-hole golf course he partially owns.

At Jenner, writting in my journal.

We eventually made our way to Yosemite...my first visit to America's FIRST National Park, but hopefully not my last. As soon as we made the turn into Yosemite Valley I was overwhelmed. I admit, my first thought was that it all seemed so fake. I had not idea that everything was so big and that all of the recognizible features appeared so close together. I mean, you can see El Capitan and Half Dome at the same time!



From Glacier Point Road, the classic "tunnel view" of Yosemite Valley.

We spent Monday through Saturday in the park, dry-camping in Upper Pines (literally, since we failed to fill up our fresh water tank when we first arrived). The beauty of staying in the valley is the fact that one can easily bicycle around the entire loop without even breaking a sweat (well, at least in October when the weather is mild). We biked every single day...yes, even Clark~the anti-exerciser.

Our bikes in the valley's meadow.

Clark with Half Dome hovering over his head.

A friendly raven hanging out on Clark's bike (hoping we drop a cracker).

The other beautiful thing about Yosemite was that we were completely off-the-grid as far as cell and Internet. There was a moment of panic to be sure...but that soon passed and I turned to my journal to write my thoughts and "ah-ha" moments. I also had downloaded several books onto my Kindle prior to losing our Wi-fi (just in case) and ended up reading a few books between biking, hiking and acting like a tourist.



We felt it necessary to enjoy a cocktail at the Ahwahnee...no matter the $25 price tag (for one drink a piece!).

It turns out I didn't miss the Internet as much as I had first thought. I'm sure my Klout score has dropped and I haven't been on Twitter in a month but I'm not all that concerned any more. A few friends found it hard to have me out of the loop...but maybe sometimes it's good to not have that go-to person to vent to in the heat of the moment. Sometimes it's best to let things sink in, learn to deal with the angst that comes on so suddenly due to short fuses or minor irritations so that eventually {maybe} we can stop and realize that these things are often really insignificant in the long run.



The leaves changing colors in Yosemite Valley.

Yes, there was plenty of time to be contemplative and the enormity of the cliffs lent to the realization that not every little thing that happens to us is worth hours of anxiety and a rehashing of wrong doings. That energy can be better spent on other things...reflection, reading, writing, sleeping, smiling, walking or simply looking at the magnificence of this life we've been given.



A rainbow at Vernal Falls.



Climbers on El Capitan...watching them reminded me of the smallness of my own obstacles.




 

Goal Check...Seven Months Gone...

Some of you may know that every once in a while I like to reflect on my goals (or intentions) throughout the year. Resolutions are easy to make but hard to stick to and earlier this year I noticed people making a conscious effort to move away from making (or calling them) resolutions. I don't know if this is supposed to be a way of being nicer to one's self by not adding the pressure of a "promise to fulfill" or something to live up or setting one's self up for failure since many resolutions do fail but I guess I am stuck in my ways...so I still set goals and make resolutions.

The main goals I wrote about on Dec. 31, 2011 were to live more simply (decluttering), paying off all debt and working on reducing my carbon footprint. Here's where I stand seven months later:

1- Simplify. Back in March the hubby and I moved out of our house and into a 32 foot RV...permanently. We held several yard sales, netting a few thousand dollars, and donated the rest of our clothing and household items to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. We each have 5 {very} small dresser drawers and about 18" of closet space for all of our clothes. Storage is extremely limited so a side benefit is that we have not been able to make many purchases without having to get rid of something else to make room. It has been liberating (except when we get invited out and I feel like I have nothing to wear...and this time it's true).

2- Pay off all debt. Almost done with this one! With reduced expenses like no huge mortgage or utilities, not shopping as a hobby, cutting out all subscriptions (living on the road means cutting back on mail delivery), switching to a Virgin Mobile cell phone(pay as you go) and no big vacations we've been able to pay off a significant portion of our debt. Granted our original debt was just a few credit cards...both of our vehicles are paid off (and older models)...but it feels good watching the balances go down each month.

3-Continue to reduce my carbon foot-print. I'm proud to say that I remember my reusable grocery bags 99% of the time...my husband (a pretend non-greenie) reminds me 0.5% and the other .05% we both forget and end up with a bunch of bags great for cleaning the litter box. Oh, and we've practically eliminated the use of bottled water opting for our Pur Water Pitcher and reusable bottles.

In addition to "the bags", I now make my own household cleaners, air freshener, carpet deodorizer, facial cleanser and moisturizer. I will be using this 'recipe' for laundry detergent just as soon as I use up what I already have. I have gone back to a glycerin based shampoo and deep conditioner but now only wash my hair maybe 2 or 3 times a week.

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My other intentions for the year included climbing Mt. Shasta, which doesn't look like it will happen. With all of the changes going on it just wasn't working out. As far as meditation...well, that's something I am working on and hope to really put some effort into now that I'm reading Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living by Pema Chodron for a book club on Elephant Journal.

Speaking of Elephant Journal...I finally did it. I submitted a short story and actually got it published on their wonderful site!! It was terrifying and exhilarating. I wrote about my father and was able to include a few excerpts from his writing as well. I am even more inspired now to continue writing and maybe even submit future stories. The most important thing is that I was able to include my dad's writing, which I really want to continue in the future.

As far as my Anti-Resolution...to not focus on weight-loss...well, I'd have to say I've been fairly successful. When I made this declaration in no way did I intended it to mean I would start eating donuts and ice cream and disregard my health. I still eat very well and, since I'm training for a full marathon in September, I am still exercising and running almost every day. But, I'm not freaking out about calories, I'm not weighing myself, I'm not skipping meals or chastising myself for eating a handful of chips (and paying a penance later). And guess what??? My clothes fit better and I feel more relaxed.

With just five more months left in the year (and two months until we hit the road) we will continue to simplfy and declutter to lighten up the load (and gas needs) in the RV. Once I completely (for as long as I can that is) stop working I will be launching our Full-time RV travel blog and writing every day (blog posts or articles/stories to submit or just for the sake of writing).

For those of you who made resolutions/intentions or set goals (or whatever you call them) how has your year been so far?

Lies my Demons Told Me...

Photo: source

Sweat is dripping from my elbows. It's hot...I want to quit...my eyes burn with the salty sting of more sweat at my brow...the demons start their chant. "You're not built to be a runner"..."You're slow, too slow"..."You're going to fail"..."Just quit already". I start to believe them, these demons, and while my legs fight to keep moving forward my mind tries to justify quitting now...4 miles before my scheduled 10 miler is supposed to end. I want to throw up or throw in the towel...or both.

Photo: source

I'm sitting at my computer, the cursor blinking at me, tauntingly. I am working on a story to submit to an online journal...except the story won't come and so the demons start their chant. "You're not a writer"..."They will reject your story and tell you never to submit again"..."You're going to fail"..."Just quit already". I start to believe them and I close my page thinking I'll just check Facebook or my email for a bit...maybe read some blogs for some inspiration.

“Being a writer is a very peculiar sort of a job: it's always you versus a blank sheet of paper (or a blank screen) and quite often the blank piece of paper wins.” ~ Neil Gaiman

These little bastards have an insatiable appetite devouring my best intentions and gulping down my self-esteem like a college kid doing a keg stand. And it seems they have made themselves at home somewhere in my psyche. Squatters...because they don't even pay rent.

I have a wonderful friend, Heidi, who always tells me how good I am at everything I do. I have a love/hate relationship with compliments. On one hand they are a welcome surprise because I often feel no one notices and it's nice to be noticed {sometimes} but on the other hand I feel like an impostor. There's no way those words can be used to describe me...obviously I have her fooled. I think, 'perhaps to satisfy my own Ego I have exaggerated my activities a bit?'...because, as the demons point out, I am not worthy of such praise.

When my father died 2 years ago from a head-on automobile accident, I came across a journal he had started. Although I felt like a was betraying him to read his words...words he intended only for his own eyes, I also felt that I needed  to read them. I needed a connection, I needed an explanation, I needed to hear something, anything from him.

My dad in 1952, he was 5 years old.

In that little book I read about my father's own insecurities. I read that his biggest disappointment wasn't me {as most children of alcoholics might feel at times} but himself. This coming from the man I thought was brilliant...having earned a Master's Degree after dropping out of school in the 8th grade. Yet here were his words...echoing my own demons, saying how much he hated his lips {which were beautiful and full...the same lips he passed down to me} and felt that he had disappointed his family and failed in his career.

At any given time I am questioning my ability or dismissing my accomplishments. And while it's possible I inherited this trait from my father, who got from his father, who probably got it from his father it is time to stop...to end the madness. It's time I own my accomplishments, no matter how small or insignificant they may first appear, because they are born of my sweat, blood and tears...they are what make up my life.

Life can be hard, we never know what's going to happen in the next 5 years or the next 5 minutes. Success can be hard, things that come easy...that don't scare the hell out of us or test our limits or make us question our sanity aren't the things that have the ability to change our lives or perspective. I've questioned my sanity AND my limits during a Hot Yoga class...it reduced me to tears, not just because of the physical aspect but the emotional one as well.

Running is hard. Running a marathon is really hard. It should be...only 1% of the population has done it. Writing is hard and the world is full of critics. It exposes us in a way that scares us. It's worse than being naked because it's reveals our true soul...not just the flesh and blood.

 “A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. ” ~Thomas Mann

This from my friend Lauren, sent to my FB wall just today.

This from the Crazies' Manifesto at Rebelle Epoque.

As I was finishing up this post, a friend of mine (a fellow runner) posted this on Facebook, which couldn't have been more timely:

Running isn’t a sport for pretty boys...it’s about the sweat in your hair & the blisters on your feet. It’s the frozen spit on your chin & the nausea in your gut. It’s about throbbing calves & cramps at midnight that are strong enough to wake the dead. It’s about getting out the door & running even when the rest of the world is only dreaming about having the passion that you need to live each & every day with. It’s about being on a lonely road & running like a champion even when there’s not a soul in sight to cheer you on. Running is about having the desire to train & persevere until every fiber in your legs, mind & heart is turned to steel. And when you’ve finally forged hard enough, you will have become the best runner that you can be. And that’s all you can ask for.

 ~ Paul Maurer (The Gift - A Runner's Story)

Silencing the Past

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I used to keep a journal. It was your basic composition book type journal (the old hard backed black and white notebook), which I felt was very Holden Caulfield-ny...someone I thought I'd rather be, especially when I was writing. Before the composition book when I was a young girl I remember having a real Diary, it even had a lock. Later, in high school, I kept a plain old college ruled spiral bound as a journal, until my father 'accidentally' mistook MY yellow spiral bound book of secrets as HIS yellow spiral bound book of work notes and read it...it was not good. It was then when he learned, at work, that I was no longer virgin.

Me, age 17 on a day pass from the hospital in Anchorage where I was 'recovering' from anorexia. My dad came down from Fairbanks to visit me during Christmas.

But, even as an adult...primarily when I was struggling with some love sickness, loneliness, undefined life plan, or...loneliness (yes, I know I said that already) I felt drawn to write in my hard backed comp book. I had learned of it's importance while hospitalized in Charter North for anorexia at age 16 (not long after the above incident), some 350 miles from our 'home' in Fairbanks Alaska. I had also learned that I could make people laugh and get high praise from my English Lit and Written Composition professors at University by writing about what seemed to me the mundaneness of my life.

When Bridget Jones' Diary hit the shelves my journaling took on a new life. I would be sure to write in it daily lest it miss me too much. It was a friend and confidant. It was a place I knew, in the back of my mind...even while the shit was hitting the fan...where I would go to write down all of the awful things that were happening to me at that instant. Somehow that made it all tolerable, although I would find myself weeping onto the pages as I relived my days...the pain of horrible breakups, empty promises, loneliness, disappointment, financial struggles, etc., etc., etc...

Maxx

I wrote about my horse, Maxx, and the devastating effect his death had on my life. I wrote about my old boyfriend, Adam, who would promise to come over and then never show up...for days or even weeks. I wrote about my disappointment over where my life was headed...no where. Wasted talent, wasted mind, wasted life. Always wrapped up in either a boyfriend or lack there of. Pages and pages of me reasoning with me. It's hard to be smart and logical yet always making the worst decisions possible.

Don't get me wrong, my journaling led to quite a bit of insight, especially when I would reread what I wrote. Often I would barely recognize the words as my own. Sometimes even the handwriting was different...me but not. Or maybe me just telling me in a different 'voice' how to get out of whatever situation I was in. I had no family around me, opting to live in Northern California, 3000+ miles from my parents, even when I was in my mid-20's. There would have been no shame in 'going home' at that age after a divorce and having only a $13 an hour job for income.

The best wine for my limited income.

Instead, I journaled. And watched a shit-ton of Friends and Seinfeld. Oh, and then Bridget Jones' Diary came out on video...so I watched that, over and over and over again. I developed my own break-up/pity-party basket...Gloria Gaynor's song I Will Survive, the movies "Singles", "Reality Bites" and later "Elizabeth", "Closer", and "Love Actually", microwave popcorn and 2 Buck Chuck for dinner. I worked a ridiculous amount (full time with as much OT as I could get at a car dealership and then part-time waitressing at night) just so I wouldn't have to be home...alone.

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But my journal...that's what kept me sane (or somewhat sane because I literally thought my life was spiraling into oblivion and happiness would either never be mine or only found in a pill). In desperation I tried that pill which was called Paxil...only to find out it didn't bring happiness, it brought blase...a non-committal to any kind of emotion happy or sad. And as painful as my life seemed to be I knew that I would rather feel that pain to full extent if that was the only way to be able to recognize the joy that I knew I deserved. I got rid of the pills, focused on my journaling and started meditating.

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Many years have passed and I find myself reading Joyce Maynard's At Home in the World: A Memoir right now (thanks to a post by Michele at Yoga Freedom Blog). Joyce, as well as her mother, kept all of their letters over the years...and even made carbon copies of the one's they sent. Writing on a topic which happened 26 earlier, Ms. Maynard has at her finger-tips, not only an exquisite memory but years and years of correspondence with her family as well as author J.D. Salinger (whom she ended up having a relationship with when she was 18 and he was 53). Being inspired yet again to journal I recall, with mixed emotion, that I have destroyed ALL of my old ones.

Source

Gone...each and every one of them. Not long ago I came across one (which has since been destroyed) read a few pages and experienced a visceral response (something like embarassment) to the pain and struggle I went through. I felt I had changed so much that I couldn't (or maybe didn't want to) relate to that person who wrote those words...that they came from a moment (or year) of weakness. A weak person, unhappy and confused, whose words were not worth saving. What could I possibly learn from those words and why would I want to reread them anyway?? By destroying those journals I felt I was silencing the past...but the lessons have still been learned.

There are lost moments, realizations, and insights to be sure. But I won't be dwelling on them. Instead, I have my not-so-good memory and those of my closest and oldest friends and sister. It's not that I want to relive my past or dwell there for some sentimental reason. I'm happy right here in the present, while occasionally venturing out to plan some amazing adventures in the near future. Perhaps destroying those journals was the right thing to do...I will never know because there is no other option. Perhaps, for me, that act of writing down my feelings and battling them out on paper was all I needed.

But now, with computers and internet and 'free' blogging sites I find myself enjoying the process even though I know it can be a more permanent record...perhaps not so easily destroyed as those old composition books. As I grow older (and hopefully wiser) I understand that all of those moments...even my weakest ones, are what helped to form who am I right now. And for that, there is no shame or embarassment.

Why "weight-loss" is not part of my resolutions...

For so many years I've made New Years Resolutions which always included weight loss goals or ways to improve my body. This year, I want to shift my focus more on living my life. Don't get me wrong...I'd still love to have a perfect beach body and I'm certainly not throwing in the towel {completely} on my diet and exercise...but I no longer want to be imprisoned by these types of goals. I've been finding myself using such an immense amount of energy (mentally and physically) focusing almost solely on how much I weight or what size pants I wear only to find that at the end of the year not much has changed. 


Yes, I've suffered through some horrible, tasteless meals, spent a small fortune on 'diet' foods, literally starved myself and opted out of some incredible experiences in order to stay true to my diet and in the end, even if I've lost weight and/or gained muscle, I'm still not satisfied with my results. In the face of this reality I must confess that I may never be satisfied with my weight or size so why...why would I continue to use up my valuable resources (my mind, energy, emotional well-being, my health) for the pursuit of a goal I may never attain. I'm at a healthy weight, I know this intellectually, and I enjoy great health...but my mind (body dysmorphia) will not allow me to be "done" with the constant need for improvement. So, this year, my intention is to let go and focus on the larger picture.



My intentions for 2012:


Live simply:


A- Simplify. We will soon be moving out of our house and into the R.V. This will necessitate some major downsizing. It will be hard, those decisions that involve sentimental items and things with 'value' that we will never be able to recoupe the costs by selling. But it will also be liberating.


B- Pay off all debt...there is no choice here...it must be accomplished before December 2012 (retirement D-day).

C- Continue to reduce my carbon-footprint. Last year (2011) I vowed to use my Pur water filter and stainless steel reusable water bottles along with my reusable grocery bags. Although I forgot several times, I was fairly consistant with both promises. This year I plan on using homemade cleaning supplies (which will also be useful and frugal once we are in the RV) and ride my bike more. Currently, it would be possible for me to ride to work (8 miles one way) but it depends on where and when we move if I can continue to do this...otherwise I hope to be able to ride it while running errands.

Empower myself by actively pursuing my dreams:


A- Write. Okay, more precisely, submit some articles and guest posts...even if it scares the crap out of me to do so. {Bucket List Item}


B- Climb Mt. Shasta. I've put it off long enough. If I save $100 a month, by July I will have more than enough to cover expenses, plus that is generally the best time to attempt to summit. I will also be diverting funds I might normally use to enter running races into my climb...so fewer races so that I may reach a bigger and more important goal. {Bucket List Item}


3- Meditate...everyday...even if only for a few minutes. Build up constancy.

Mt. Shasta

December 20 ~ reverb11 ~ Tapas (Heat)

What stoked your creative fire this year? What did your discipline enable you to achieve and/or create?

Source 

Much of my inspiration to write this year came from the feedback I received from a few other bloggers and in reading various other blogs. Although I'd like to say that I write for myself, it still feels nice to receive words of encouragement and feedback on my posts.  Since I've always tried to treat my blog as a sort of 'journal', I would continue to write even if I didn't have any followers...but I cannot deny the sense of creative accomplishment I feel when my words are actually read by others.  Perhaps this is the 'wrong' form of motivation but for someone who hopes to one day publish an article or two...well, it certainly keeps the embers burning.


This coming year I plan on participating in a few other writing challenges to help create a habit and encourage creativity.  In doing so I also hope to find a supportive community to provide feedback and perhaps direct me on the path to publishing my and/or my father's writings.

"But what if your fire is not burning well or, worse, has gone out? Without inner fire, you have no light, no heat, no desire... there's only one way out - and that's through the dark woods. You must change your life." ~ Phil Cousineau

This post is part of #reverb11, a series of daily writing prompts to explore the year passed and manifest the year ahead. These prompts can be found here and here.