Finding Compassion in the Pause

Sunrise yoga for one...North Carolina.

I am trying to be a good student of yoga. I have a passion for it, not just because some of the poses are challenging and "impressive" but I really, really feel a connection deep inside. The more I practice, the more I meditate, the more I sit and look at the beauty and wonder and ever changing miracle of life around me the more connected I feel. It's a kind of peace and love and warmth that isn't just inside of me, but inside of everyone I meet (they might not all be nice at first but I can feel that there is something good in all of us).

Still though, many times during the day I catch myself being negative and judgmental. I try to use each instance as a lesson to either release the thought (recognize it as a habit of thinking, see that it serves no positive purpose and then let it go) or to find the root (am I projecting my own insecurities, am I harming someone else by speaking negatively just to boost myself). I might not be successful in eliminating these thoughts but it is important to think on them...and even more important to do so before speaking or reacting. Not something easily accomplished in our fast paced, instant gratification based society.

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With the advent of social media, like Facebook or Twitter we are becoming blinded to the fact that with the simplicity of that 'share' (or retweet) button we can affect hundreds, or even thousands, of people. With barely a thought about what it is we are actually sharing (which often doesn't take into consideration the possible impact it can have on who the "share" is about) we are actually providing insight into our own character that might not be so flattering. In some instances we become a propagator of misinformation or a free mouth piece for whatever "cause" we are for or against, helping to perpetuate the division in our country, our cultures, our races or our religions. And sometimes we are hurting people...real people.

We complain about bullies and post horrendous stories (sometimes our own) of the pain and/or suicide of it's victims, and then we post a "funny" picture of a 'fat' girl in too tight shorts. The comments make us laugh and we justify our behavior because it's funny...perhaps to everyone except that girl. We 'bend the rules' to fit our lives because we think we are special. We post pictures making fun of other people but how would it feel if somehow, someone posted an unflattering image of us and that it had made it's way around the internet? Even strangers have feelings, believe it or not.

Caitlin Seida found herself "Facebook Famous" after this picture was spread across the Internet. "Why are people like her allowed to exist" was one of hundreds of negative comments about her body left on her picture. Not so funny anymore, huh? (Source)

It's nothing new really. We've always 'bent the rules' to make it work. Otherwise there wouldn't be a $20 billion weight loss industry. Allow me to simplify things here for the sake of argument...thanks to marketing, food additives and media/societal perceptions on weight and/or beauty most of us have forgotten how to eat to live. Now, we want the perfect body (or maybe not even perfect but with 80% of American women unhappy about their appearance we are striving for "better" than what we currently have) but we want to still bend the rules. We want a diet that allows us to eat bacon AND chocolate...preferably with little to no exercise. And when that doesn't work we can blame everything else except ourselves. For the majority of people there's a pretty clear cut way to lose weight, but it's not easy because we can't just eat whatever we want and as much as we want.

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We do it with religion, a subject so taboo I won't delve too far into it except to say that we tend to pick and choose which principles we want to follow. A good question to ask before reacting (or posting on Facebook) is how is this going to reflect on my principles and intentions? If my religion is appealing because it is steeped in generosity and non-judgment, will posting negative remarks about another religion reflect those beliefs? Will posting a deeply spiritual sentiment about God's grace have any real meaning if it's followed up by a negative (possibly slanderous) meme about a political figure you disagree with that has no factual basis but it's sole intent is to harm (it's the same as "gossip")?

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This bending of the rules (or, as I see it, thinking I'm somehow more special and therefor it's okay for me to do) is something I've become more aware of lately. I recently read a post by a young lady (and devoted Buddhist practitioner)  who says she wants to take her vows to become a Buddhist nun yet she disagrees with the requirement of shaving her head and refuses to do so. I understand the dilemma, I would look awful with a shaved head. However, I cannot imagine putting my vanity (call it a symbol of feminism as she claims but we are female without hair too) above a calling like becoming a nun. I wonder if this woman is really trying to make a stand against what she calls an "outdated ritual" or if this is an example of wanting to have our cake and eat it too? If my calling was to join the military surely that would mean wearing a uniform and abiding by the requirements about hair length even if olive green isn't my color, right?

As our world speeds up and our information stream and subsequent learning becomes more and more condensed we are facing the possible loss of our true intentions and authenticity. We want things to be 'better' but we don't want to have to be the ones to put in the effort. We want bullying to end but we still want to laugh at the People of Walmart. We want to get healthy or lose weight or get off our blood pressure meds, but we don't want to give up our favorite foods, even if we know they are bad for us (we would rather believe the food manufacturers whose sole purpose is to make a profit, not look after our health). We would rather believe lies that help justify our behavior (be it hatred and prejudices or the need to be "right"), and even spread these lies rather than do what might be uncomfortable yet rewarding beyond measure.

This blog is called Learning Curves for a reason. I am learning as I go...and as I grow. I am guilty of doing everything I just talked about but am learning to live with more compassion. I try to pause and ask how my comment or reaction or speech will be of any benefit (or harm). As cheesy as I always thought those "What Would Jesus Do" stickers were I can now see that they serve as that same pause. That's a pretty precious moment, that pause, it's there for all of us to use wisely if we so choose. It's that moment between the inhale and the exhale where we can make massive changes. Even if we don't think we have time to meditate, we can meditate upon that pause thousands of times a day by asking how our thoughts, actions and words are going to be of service before we react, speak, type or hit that 'share' button. Get to know your own pause and see if it's in line with how you want the world to see the real you.

The Story of a Runner Turned Yogi...

When I come to my yoga mat every morning I try to leave my expectations behind. This is a practice, a blending of breath with the flow of movement, not something to conquer or master or dominate but something to experience and embrace. It wasn't always that way and I'm not always successful at doing so. Yoga started off for me as a way to earn P.E. credits in college and later turned into a means to "force" myself to stretch when I became a runner. I sought out the more aggressive videos like power flow and later, P90X so that my yoga days would feel more like a workout than a time suck...I mean, can you really count 60 minutes of stretching to spa music as working out (especially when 5 of those minutes were laying on the ground in corpse pose doing nothing)?

My previous mentality...

 In my mid 30's I felt that I was no longer running for health benefits but more as a way to run away from life. I was disconnected from my body and mind, pushing myself into injuries and brushing it off as 'true dedication'..."See how committed I am?? I'm running with a torn hip flexor and fracture in my foot!!". After finally being forced to take 6 months off (via a cast) I found other forms of exercise to fill the void...boxing, cross fit, kettle bells, HIIT, P90X, Insanity, BodyRock, etc. before turning back to running. Yoga took a back seat again (actually, it got left behind at the rest stop). But the disconnect still persisted and I was faced with results that weren't fulfilling me mentally or physically.

I earned my orange headband completing Tough Mudder Norcal.

Crossing the finish line with my BFF Coleen at the Rock n' Roll San Diego Marathon.

 Although I do love the mental and physical aspects of the events I participated in like a full marathon and Tough Mudder, I also knew that these types of physically demanding challenges weren't something I aspired to maintain for the rest of my life (and yes, I am aware of the 100 year old man who completed the Toronto Marathon as well as the 80 year old man who has run 19 NYC Marathons). I'm no wimp, don't get me wrong...but I don't want to continue to dedicate the amount of time and effort into training for marathon after marathon for the next 40+ (God willing) years. My last marathon did a number on me...breaking down muscles and mentally challenging me during long and lonely 18+ mile training runs. While it was an overall positive experience which I am proud of, it's just not sustainable for me.

SIddha Yoga Ashram in Oakland...a turning point.

Over the past couple of years I've learned that yoga has so much more to offer than a limber body and a means to work out the kinks. A visit to an ashram in Oakland opened my eyes to the true meaning of yoga as well as the 7 other limbs to enlightenment...something I was in desperate need of at that point in my life. So, about a year ago (a little while after we officially hit the road as fulltime travelers) I stopped running and committed myself to practicing yoga almost exclusively. And this time my yoga practice would incorporate more than just asanas (although I am going to post pictures of some of these poses, because asana is one of the limbs).

Practicing pigeon pose on Glaveston Island, Texas

In that time I have felt a definite and positive shift in my health and mental well being. I've also not only maintained the muscle mass I had previously acquired but my aches and pains have diminished (specifically in my back, sciatic, hips and knees...some of which have troubled me since I was a teenager). My core has strengthened as well as my upper body and my balance has improved. But the biggest change has been more profound. I feel very connected to my body...its changes, its  needs, its sensitive areas and places of resistance.

Taking an amazing class in Contoocook New Hampshire...possibly my favorite class to date.

I also feel an interconnectedness with every thing around me...the wind, the trees, the water, the seasons...even people I encounter. Rather than jumping to harsh judgements I embrace that pause between seeing and completing a thought and instead, imagine the struggles they are going through...and even if they aren't struggling I can imagine the journey it has taken me to get to where I am physically and mentally and remember that no one can map out another person's journey nor can they force another to even embark on that journey.

Headstand in the Pocono Mountains

Yoga has provided me the peace and serenity that previously came only from a pill or the sheer exhaustion of over-training. I am not begrudging anyone who runs or boxes or finds enjoyment from intense physical activity as I still do enjoy riding my bike, hiking and kayaking when I can...I even ran a 5k distance last month and felt exhilarated. I also still have some big dreams and goals, perhaps to climb a mountain or learn to surf. But for me, yoga has provided the missing element of joining body, mind and spirit (with the side benefit of maintaining or even improving my fitness).

Morning self practice in Pennsylvania

Some days I leave my mat in tears from emotions which have been stirred from syncing my breath and movement with an open minded willingness to to just be...to just feel...to listen to my needs. Some days I leave my mat with so much energy that I ride my bike or go for a hike or clean the entire RV or even add an additional round of practice complete with arm balances and handstands. And some days I leave my mat content, even happy...a feeling that continues throughout the day and spills over onto the people around me.But I never leave my mat with regret for having taken the time to breath and connect with something deeper than myself, for having taken time for myself I have found the link to every thing around me.



 

Nothing the See Here...Move Along {via the Past}...

Out in the middle of nowhere {okay, it was Coulterville, California~population 201} somewhere during the first few weeks of our grand RV escape, longing for a TV to watch Giants Baseball or even a little NFL, desperate for free wi-fi {who am I kidding, we would have PAID for it} we headed to the nearest town and parked next to this truck.

 

 

There were names of soldiers, some POW but mostly KIA, covering nearly every inch of this truck. Very somber to say the least. However, what I saw, right outside of our Jeep's passenger window, where I sat when we pulled next to this truck, literally took my breath away.

 

 

PFC. Rachel Bosveld was my sister-in-law (my sister is married to her brother) and I was shocked to not only find her name on this truck, thousands of miles from her home state of Wisconsin, but that her name was one of the first I saw. Tears instantly filled my eyes. Rachel was killed during a mortar attack on the Abu Ghraib Police Station in Iraq. She was just 19 years old. She and I did the music for our siblings' wedding in Alaska just 2 years earlier.

Rachel

It was such a surreal moment, seeing her name on that truck, one that still twists my gut and dampens my eyes. It makes me wonder what it's all about...this life. Sometimes we think we have so much time that we put things off or take them for granted...always promising (if even just to ourselves) that we will get around to doing {fill in the blank} another day. But we are not promised another day.

Emerald Pool above Vernal Falls rests on a solid sheet of polished granite.

Hiking through Yosemite this past week, feeling overwhelmed by the smallness of our existence while walking across a gigantic slab of granite polished by a glacier some 100 million years ago, I had moments of clarity...that in the grand scheme of things probably 90% of what occupies my mind {worry, fear, longing, blame, past hurts, resentment, regrets, etc.) add no benefit to my life. Not only that, but these thoughts are robbing me of my present life.

I lost count of the number of stairs we climbed up to the top of the falls...but they almost broke us, however our spirit (and ego) pushed us forward.

Our second day in Yosemite, Clark and I climbed to the top of Vernal Falls via the Mist Trail. It's about 1.5 miles one way but has a 1000 foot gain as well. I had misread the guide and was under the impression this was marked an "easy" hike. It was far from easy and at one point we contemplated quitting and turning back. However, once we completed the climb and the equally, if not more, gruelling decent the pain and suffering seemed to evaporate as we celebrated our accomplishment.

A little toast to surviving the hike at Camp Curry.

But that's the key, in a sense...to release the pain so we can relish in our ability at having overcome the obstacle. Whether that pain is from something our parents did (or didn't do), something hurtful some guy said to us years ago, some misunderstanding we had with a friend or co-worker that got so blown out of proportion that our Ego won't 'let' us forgive or forget, a test we failed (or class for that matter), a relationship that didn't work (perhaps from our own indiscretions)...whatever the obstacle or challenge that we have had to deal with and lived through demands our celebration.

zensationalliving.com

At some point, after the pity party (which is hopefully short lived) and mourning, we need to let go so we can continue to live in the moment. The past has nothing to offer except the lessons we've already learned...and we need to rehash those about as much as we need to keep tracing our letters in cursive and practising our multiplication tables over and over {ahem, in other words it's time to move on}.

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Rachel was 19 when she died thousands of miles from home...almost 9 years ago to the day. As I sit here at my comfortable desk, sipping a lovely Petite Syrah, watching the San Francisco Giant clench their spot in the World Series I wonder what her life was like, and what would/could have been. I wonder if she had the chance to love someone with all of her heart, if she stopped and enjoyed the warmth of the sun on her face or laughed when she got caught in a sudden downpour. I hope so...I hope she enjoyed every moment she was given, even the hard ones...and I hope you do too.






Goal Check...Seven Months Gone...

Some of you may know that every once in a while I like to reflect on my goals (or intentions) throughout the year. Resolutions are easy to make but hard to stick to and earlier this year I noticed people making a conscious effort to move away from making (or calling them) resolutions. I don't know if this is supposed to be a way of being nicer to one's self by not adding the pressure of a "promise to fulfill" or something to live up or setting one's self up for failure since many resolutions do fail but I guess I am stuck in my ways...so I still set goals and make resolutions.

The main goals I wrote about on Dec. 31, 2011 were to live more simply (decluttering), paying off all debt and working on reducing my carbon footprint. Here's where I stand seven months later:

1- Simplify. Back in March the hubby and I moved out of our house and into a 32 foot RV...permanently. We held several yard sales, netting a few thousand dollars, and donated the rest of our clothing and household items to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. We each have 5 {very} small dresser drawers and about 18" of closet space for all of our clothes. Storage is extremely limited so a side benefit is that we have not been able to make many purchases without having to get rid of something else to make room. It has been liberating (except when we get invited out and I feel like I have nothing to wear...and this time it's true).

2- Pay off all debt. Almost done with this one! With reduced expenses like no huge mortgage or utilities, not shopping as a hobby, cutting out all subscriptions (living on the road means cutting back on mail delivery), switching to a Virgin Mobile cell phone(pay as you go) and no big vacations we've been able to pay off a significant portion of our debt. Granted our original debt was just a few credit cards...both of our vehicles are paid off (and older models)...but it feels good watching the balances go down each month.

3-Continue to reduce my carbon foot-print. I'm proud to say that I remember my reusable grocery bags 99% of the time...my husband (a pretend non-greenie) reminds me 0.5% and the other .05% we both forget and end up with a bunch of bags great for cleaning the litter box. Oh, and we've practically eliminated the use of bottled water opting for our Pur Water Pitcher and reusable bottles.

In addition to "the bags", I now make my own household cleaners, air freshener, carpet deodorizer, facial cleanser and moisturizer. I will be using this 'recipe' for laundry detergent just as soon as I use up what I already have. I have gone back to a glycerin based shampoo and deep conditioner but now only wash my hair maybe 2 or 3 times a week.

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My other intentions for the year included climbing Mt. Shasta, which doesn't look like it will happen. With all of the changes going on it just wasn't working out. As far as meditation...well, that's something I am working on and hope to really put some effort into now that I'm reading Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living by Pema Chodron for a book club on Elephant Journal.

Speaking of Elephant Journal...I finally did it. I submitted a short story and actually got it published on their wonderful site!! It was terrifying and exhilarating. I wrote about my father and was able to include a few excerpts from his writing as well. I am even more inspired now to continue writing and maybe even submit future stories. The most important thing is that I was able to include my dad's writing, which I really want to continue in the future.

As far as my Anti-Resolution...to not focus on weight-loss...well, I'd have to say I've been fairly successful. When I made this declaration in no way did I intended it to mean I would start eating donuts and ice cream and disregard my health. I still eat very well and, since I'm training for a full marathon in September, I am still exercising and running almost every day. But, I'm not freaking out about calories, I'm not weighing myself, I'm not skipping meals or chastising myself for eating a handful of chips (and paying a penance later). And guess what??? My clothes fit better and I feel more relaxed.

With just five more months left in the year (and two months until we hit the road) we will continue to simplfy and declutter to lighten up the load (and gas needs) in the RV. Once I completely (for as long as I can that is) stop working I will be launching our Full-time RV travel blog and writing every day (blog posts or articles/stories to submit or just for the sake of writing).

For those of you who made resolutions/intentions or set goals (or whatever you call them) how has your year been so far?

Releasing your crappy run...

As I mentioned in a previous post, there are times when I feel that running is just not my calling. Or perhaps the truth is I want to run but it's hard and I am just not good at it...and therefore should pick up a more suitable hobby like watching the sun move across the sky or reviewing the new flavors Pringles has come out with. Both of these sound like awesome endeavors which would require so much less physical and emotional exertion than running 13 miles on a ninety degree day.

Working from home and setting my own hours has given me the freedom to stay up late (thanks to the hubby's schedule) and in turn, wake up late. I'm not complaining...it just means I am now too lazy to wake up at the crack of dawn to go running before the heat sets in. In admitting this I get to question my intention and commitment to running. I'm an over-analyzer...what can I say.

There was no escaping the heat this day.

Yesterday I drove to Benecia (about 30 miles west) in an attempt to escape the 100 degrees we were experiencing at home. I had two options...try to run my scheduled 14ish miles on a treadmill at the gym without losing my mind or sacrifice some gas money to drive to a more suitable (read: cooler) location. So, off to Benecia I went where the temperature at the start of my run was a pleasant 90 degrees. Just a little tip: when checking the Internet for current temperatures be sure to check more than one site, especially if it promises you that it will be a comfortable 20 degrees cooler with fabulous scenic vistas to make your long run the most fantastic run of your life.

Benecia State Recreation Area

Fortunately, the scenic vistas were pretty fabulous but it was hard to appreciate them through the sweat and later, the calf cramps. I tried to be careful and of course I listened to my body (watching for signs of heat exhaustion and also taking it easy) but at some point my desire for cold water over took all rational thinking and I found my lips almost permanently attached to the water fountain drinking more than I should at one time.

The Benecia Bridge, blackberries ripening and Mt. Diablo in the distance.

 I struggled through the last 5 miles...physically my calves were locking up, I was chafing in places I didn't know chafed (my belly-button?? that's new) and my feet were hurting (I had tried to run on the trail/gravel as much as possible which kinda tore up my tender nubbins) but emotionally I was suffering even more. First was the ridiculousness of having driven so far to run only to still be in the heat, then was the nagging Runkeeper voice that kept repeating my snail-like pace and saying things like 'obviously you must have meant to hit walk not run on the settings, you slow-ass idiot' and then I started wondering what had possessed me to sign up for another full marathon (the Half Moon Bay International Marathon on Sep 23). At mile eight I was wondering if I should drop down to the half...at mile nine I really thought the 10K would be a better choice...at mile ten I contemplated 'retiring' from running starting that instant.

So here I am, a little sore with a bruised ego and yet still kinda proud I got my run in, even if it was slow and miserable. I realize I need more compassion in my life and that includes compassion for myself which is something that I read about last night.

"If we are willing to stand fully in our own shoes and never give up on ourselves, then we will be able to put ourselves in the shoes of others and never give up on them." ~Pema Chodron Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

I know this is deeper than running...but it still flipped a switch for me...that it is okay for me to have a bad run, feel a little sorry for myself, show myself some compassion but also to not give up. It's about being okay {a little bit} with the self-doubt, acknowledging that it is just a thought, the same as thinking the a flower is pretty or that a particular perfume smells bad. It doesn't identify me nor does it mean it's true so I can just let the thought go...just like the passing thoughts that cross your mind during meditation or yoga.

"Affirmations are like screaming that you're okay in order to overcome this whisper that you're not." ~Pema Chodron Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

This also rang true to me. After all, I've done the affirmation thing, I've spoken about my goals in the present tense and then I blogged about how we are always telling ourselves that we aren't good enough...and thanks to the whole self-help industry, apparently we never will be. But what if we take a softer approach, allow a moment to acknowledge the shitty feeling and then let it float away (like a fart in the wind). Then maybe we can get back to what we were doing...finishing that run, editing that blog post, submitting that article, applying for that job, etc.

As I sit here and nurse my sore legs (with a foam roller and stretching) I know that come September 23rd I'll be running my second full marathon having trained through the good runs and bad and that I will be proud of my accomplishment no matter what happens. This doesn't mean that I don't have a goal for this race but simply that this is a race a choose to run, a challenge I set for myself and that there is no pressure to define myself as a success or failure because of this event.

Cattails and Sunshine

It's like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders releasing myself from some of the expectations I placed there...that every  run should be fast and magnificent and that it all gets easier and fun over time (sorry but going for a two and a half hour long run at 90 degree by yourself may offer some nice alone time...or may drive you to delirium...either way you end up with a nausea hang-over while simultaneously feeling like you haven't eaten in 4 days). They are just long runs after all...running one mile and then another after that until you're done. But you can be certain that this will be my last full marathon. =)

No, I'm not a Whack Job...

At the beginning of the year I spoke of a few intentions that I hoped would set me on a more productive, yet less stressful year. It has always been important to me to move towards a more mindful lifestyle which has included recycling, using my reusable shopping bags and reducing my dependance on material things (i.e. shopping).

I also mentioned that I wanted to simplify and save money. So, over the past month I have been using up half used bottles of shampoos and conditioners, as well as items in my pantry that I bought for some recipe or another but never used.  My hair hasn't fallen out and I've enjoyed some really great breakfasts following this rule.

But now, I've taken things one step further. Since it's always been a struggle to buy quality beauty products that are not only environmentally friendly, not tested on animals, work with my hair/skin type and are still affordable I decided to go back to basics. Yes, I am making some of my own products.

It actually started off when my friend and fellow blogger, Sheri, over at Motivation For Health and Fitness posted her sister-in-law's Esty shop on Facebook. That's where I picked up my Shampoo Bar and a body soap. I then went online and compiled a few recipes for a facial toner and hair rinse. After a week of using these items I am happy to report that my hair and skin look and feel great. I plan on updating my results later this year after I've had some time to really see how these work in the long run.

Shampoo Bar ~ JillsNaturalSoaps

via JillsNaturalSoaps

Homemade Hair Conditioner
1-4 TBS Apple Cider Vinegar
1 cup water
Mix and apply to hair. Let sit for 1 minute and rinse. Vinegar smell disappears as hair dries.


Facial Cleanser
Cold-pressed Extra Virgin Olive Oil (use sparingly)
Warm wash cloth
that's it...


Homemade Toner
1/2 ounce apple cider
3 ounces mineral water
5 plain (uncoated) aspirin, crushed

Mix all ingredients and use sparingly. Keeps for 1 month in refidgerator.

Reusable Shopping Bags
Most of you know I am a firm believer in reusable shopping bags. This is mainly because I'm lazy and always forget to take those pesky plastic bags back to the grocery store for recycling. After 2 years I've been able to train myself to have my shopping bags ready and available for 99% of my grocery store trips (I also take them to Target, Costco and pretty much anywhere I plan on making a purchase).

As an added benefit I noted this on my receipt after a recent trip to Raleys:

Using my bags is helping our public parks and wilderness programs...Win-Win!

In addition, I've been experimenting with homemade cleaning products via Elephant Journal and The Good Human. I'll let you know how that goes in a future post.

Simplifying simplifying...

Following up on my post about my New Years "Intentions", specifically simplifying and paying off all remaining debt, I came across two interesting suggestions. One was during a conversation at a get-together this past weekend regarding decluttering your closet. For those of us who are packrats hanging on to clothes in hopes that they will 1- come back into style, 2- fit again one day (usually by magic) or 3- somehow look better on you then the last time you wore it (after all, it's practically brand new) the idea is to get rid of anything we haven't worn in 6 months (or a year if the seasons dictate a longer period of time). In order to help you know (without guessing) which articles of clothing need to get the boot (pun intended) you should take all of your clothes on hangers and hang them the wrong way on the rack (all of the hooks will now be facing you). As you wear a particular garment you can then turn their hanger around and in 6 months it will be a no brainer which items you aren't using and can now donate. Genius!

The ol' closet trick...

The second suggestion I read on Blogher, and dismissed at first, is that you buy nothing new for a month (or year) besides food, underwear, household consumables and emergency repair articles. Obviously, to be successful at any goal it should be challenging and yet still achievable lest you throw in the towel so I don't have the confidence to say that I will follow this pact to a T. As a matter of fact, part of my intent of this year is to take an inventory of my belongings to see what items I need to replace due to my impending lifestyle change.

Travel worthy, functional and cute! via Woolrich

As I was purging my closet this past weekend (getting ready for the big move into the RV), I realized that I wanted to give more attention to this idea. In my hall closet you will find half used bottles of shampoo, conditioner, fingernail polish in strangely similar shades, lotions for every skin type and body part and fairly new cosmetics (not expired). Since I was running out of my 'for-the-moment' favorite conditioner I decided right then and there that I would use all of the half used products in my closet before I purchased any new products.

Okay, my closet isn't this bad but you get the idea... (source)

Then I went downstairs and checked the pantry. Again I was faced with jars, boxes and bags of foods we haven't used, but are still good. Day after day I struggle to think of something new and exciting to make for the hubby's dinner and totally disregard the ingredients I already have on hand. So, I am going to apply the same thinking, to a certain extent, to using my pantry items. With the help of the internet this won't be as hard as it may seem at first glance. There are plenty of recipe sites in which you can type in a few of the ingredients you have on hand and it will direct you to the appropriate recipe section.

Getting in touch with my slavic heritage...Buckwheat Groats!

It feels kinda nice to have some specific things to strive for that will help me get ready for our exciting future on the road. It keeps in line with my intentions for year by saving me money, clearing up space in my house and mind (hanging on to clutter really does weigh on a person's psyche whether you know it or not) and being environmentally friendly.

Why "weight-loss" is not part of my resolutions...

For so many years I've made New Years Resolutions which always included weight loss goals or ways to improve my body. This year, I want to shift my focus more on living my life. Don't get me wrong...I'd still love to have a perfect beach body and I'm certainly not throwing in the towel {completely} on my diet and exercise...but I no longer want to be imprisoned by these types of goals. I've been finding myself using such an immense amount of energy (mentally and physically) focusing almost solely on how much I weight or what size pants I wear only to find that at the end of the year not much has changed. 


Yes, I've suffered through some horrible, tasteless meals, spent a small fortune on 'diet' foods, literally starved myself and opted out of some incredible experiences in order to stay true to my diet and in the end, even if I've lost weight and/or gained muscle, I'm still not satisfied with my results. In the face of this reality I must confess that I may never be satisfied with my weight or size so why...why would I continue to use up my valuable resources (my mind, energy, emotional well-being, my health) for the pursuit of a goal I may never attain. I'm at a healthy weight, I know this intellectually, and I enjoy great health...but my mind (body dysmorphia) will not allow me to be "done" with the constant need for improvement. So, this year, my intention is to let go and focus on the larger picture.



My intentions for 2012:


Live simply:


A- Simplify. We will soon be moving out of our house and into the R.V. This will necessitate some major downsizing. It will be hard, those decisions that involve sentimental items and things with 'value' that we will never be able to recoupe the costs by selling. But it will also be liberating.


B- Pay off all debt...there is no choice here...it must be accomplished before December 2012 (retirement D-day).

C- Continue to reduce my carbon-footprint. Last year (2011) I vowed to use my Pur water filter and stainless steel reusable water bottles along with my reusable grocery bags. Although I forgot several times, I was fairly consistant with both promises. This year I plan on using homemade cleaning supplies (which will also be useful and frugal once we are in the RV) and ride my bike more. Currently, it would be possible for me to ride to work (8 miles one way) but it depends on where and when we move if I can continue to do this...otherwise I hope to be able to ride it while running errands.

Empower myself by actively pursuing my dreams:


A- Write. Okay, more precisely, submit some articles and guest posts...even if it scares the crap out of me to do so. {Bucket List Item}


B- Climb Mt. Shasta. I've put it off long enough. If I save $100 a month, by July I will have more than enough to cover expenses, plus that is generally the best time to attempt to summit. I will also be diverting funds I might normally use to enter running races into my climb...so fewer races so that I may reach a bigger and more important goal. {Bucket List Item}


3- Meditate...everyday...even if only for a few minutes. Build up constancy.

Mt. Shasta