My Online Friends ARE Just As Important As Your Real Life Friends

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Have you ever had people in your life tell you that your "online friends" are not really friends? Or that the Internet and Social Media has ruined the meaning of relationships? Perhaps they recommend you get out more and try meeting real people so you can build real relationships because, to them, those are the only kind that "count".

Yes, the Internet has changed the way people interact...sometimes for the worse. But what if, what if that one person you seem to connect with through blogging or email or even Instagram really gets you...and there seems to be so many parallels in your lives that you feel like you could have been the same person.

As some of you may know, my husband and I are traveling around the country in our RV (see our adventure blog here). We've been on the road now almost 11 months and have just crossed our 21st state line. And this past weekend our travels brought us to South Bend, Indiana (well, I'm the navigator so I kinda made sure our paths would cross eventually) home of my all-time favorite blogger, Ellen.

Getting closer!!

I 'met' Ellen through her blog Fat Girl Wearing Thin which I came across on another bloggers "Blogs Worth Reading List". It's true that what keeps people reading your blog is great writing...which Ellen does...but I also noticed that, aside from being the same age, we had so much in common. I left comments here and there on her blog and noticed she had actually started to read mine as well. We began emailing each other because, frankly, I didn't want to sound like a lunatic by sharing some of my personal thoughts directly on her blog (even though I was still afraid of rejection and was sure she would be far too busy to email back I hit that send button anyway...and then second guessed myself and paced the floors). Not only did she email me back but we became instant online friends.

You see, I am a huge introvert and I have a hard time making friends. Don't get me wrong...I am as loyal as the day is long. And I think I'm pretty nice. But I either become a wallflower when it comes to meeting new people or, if I manage to open my mouth, I ramble...and get goofy. Most of the time new people think I am stuck up, but really I am painfully shy. So making a connection, albeit online, is a big deal. And meeting in person...well, that's a sweat inducing, stomach turning, try to find a way to back out it proposition.

But it was different with Ellen.

Other than being worried about utterly ridiculous things...like I should have been working out while on the road, she's going to think I look fat, what if I start to sweat profusely and do I have a booger hanging...it feels like I have a booger hanging...I had no where near the amount of anxiety I normally get in these types of situations. And let me tell you, the moment I saw her I thought I would burst into tears. It honestly felt like I was falling into the arms of one of my closest and dearest friend. I felt this way having never even spoken with her on the phone!

Ellen and I in front of The Mutiny.

We ended up spending the entire weekend together and even allowed our husbands to tag along. Thankfully they got along as well, even if they kept teasing us about how similar Ellen and I are (especially our little 'quirks' which face it, makes us even cuter). We spent hours chatting, enjoyed a few cocktails and I even got to see Ellen's studio and all of her amazing art work. She met my cats Avi and Miso and the devil dog, Cleo and I got to meet the super lovable Emmie and Brulee...oh, and her cool Angel Fish. And there was never a moment of awkwardness. 

The most friendly, interactive fish I've ever met.

Enjoying dinner out with the husbands.

So, I guess what I want to say to the nay-sayers is that it is possible to make a real and true connection with people online. As a matter of fact, we can quite possibly find deeper and more meaningful friendships when we remove the boundaries of distance. If we keep ourselves confined to forming relationships based on how many miles separate us then we might miss out on finding that special someone who shares the same 'quirks', someone who knows how we feel without even uttering a word.

My weekend with Ellen was extraordinary. I am so very fortunate to have a life that has allowed me to meet her in person. Although we already had a great connection, being able to sit and talk has certainly deepened our relationship, especially since both of us are introverts. Honestly, I just can't get over how easily things clicked...obviously our online communication laid down a pretty good foundation.

Being on the road (and an introvert to boot) makes it extremely difficult to make friends. Sure I talk to people occasionally but there is never really enough time to form any kind of bond. And of the few I have exchanged email addresses or friended on Facebook I find myself holding back, afraid to come across 'too aggressive' or needy if I bombard them with messages. Perhaps this experience with Ellen will enable me to take that leap and attempt to form a few more online friendships. 

But what I do know...again, after 11 months on the road...is that if a friendship starts out online there seems to be a better likelihood that we will remain in constant contact than the friendships formed in real life. Maybe it's because emailing, texting and interacting online is what we know, whereas IRL friends are used to just coming over and hanging out. It seems much harder for a real life friendship to make the transition to online friend than for an online friend to become a real life friend. I'm sure I am just as guilty at failing to make that transition but it makes me sad nonetheless.

Friends are important no matter how the relationship is born. So take a moment and hug your friends if you can...and if not send them a virtual hug and let them know how important they are in your life.

Living Off the Grid...

We left our "home" 18 days ago but it seems like so much more time has passed. Perhaps it's been from the lack of cell and Internet access for most of these days. Our first stop was Bodega Bay, which was beautiful since the weather gods graced us with sunshine and very little fog. I was also fortunate to have a full day to myself since the hubby went golfing with a friend at the little 9-hole golf course he partially owns.

At Jenner, writting in my journal.

We eventually made our way to Yosemite...my first visit to America's FIRST National Park, but hopefully not my last. As soon as we made the turn into Yosemite Valley I was overwhelmed. I admit, my first thought was that it all seemed so fake. I had not idea that everything was so big and that all of the recognizible features appeared so close together. I mean, you can see El Capitan and Half Dome at the same time!



From Glacier Point Road, the classic "tunnel view" of Yosemite Valley.

We spent Monday through Saturday in the park, dry-camping in Upper Pines (literally, since we failed to fill up our fresh water tank when we first arrived). The beauty of staying in the valley is the fact that one can easily bicycle around the entire loop without even breaking a sweat (well, at least in October when the weather is mild). We biked every single day...yes, even Clark~the anti-exerciser.

Our bikes in the valley's meadow.

Clark with Half Dome hovering over his head.

A friendly raven hanging out on Clark's bike (hoping we drop a cracker).

The other beautiful thing about Yosemite was that we were completely off-the-grid as far as cell and Internet. There was a moment of panic to be sure...but that soon passed and I turned to my journal to write my thoughts and "ah-ha" moments. I also had downloaded several books onto my Kindle prior to losing our Wi-fi (just in case) and ended up reading a few books between biking, hiking and acting like a tourist.



We felt it necessary to enjoy a cocktail at the Ahwahnee...no matter the $25 price tag (for one drink a piece!).

It turns out I didn't miss the Internet as much as I had first thought. I'm sure my Klout score has dropped and I haven't been on Twitter in a month but I'm not all that concerned any more. A few friends found it hard to have me out of the loop...but maybe sometimes it's good to not have that go-to person to vent to in the heat of the moment. Sometimes it's best to let things sink in, learn to deal with the angst that comes on so suddenly due to short fuses or minor irritations so that eventually {maybe} we can stop and realize that these things are often really insignificant in the long run.



The leaves changing colors in Yosemite Valley.

Yes, there was plenty of time to be contemplative and the enormity of the cliffs lent to the realization that not every little thing that happens to us is worth hours of anxiety and a rehashing of wrong doings. That energy can be better spent on other things...reflection, reading, writing, sleeping, smiling, walking or simply looking at the magnificence of this life we've been given.



A rainbow at Vernal Falls.



Climbers on El Capitan...watching them reminded me of the smallness of my own obstacles.




 

Things I learned by judging others...

We all do it...we compare and contrast, criticise and judge. Our society seems to promote it given all of the reality TV shows like X Factor, America's Top Model, The Bachelor and the many others that seem to be taking over our prime time TV slots. "People Watching" (and websites like The People of Walmart) is past-time many of us enjoy for the sheer entertainment value but {generally} without any real underlying mean-spiritedness intended. Well, truth be told, I think most of us know it's not exactly nice but...it is hard to resist.

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We try to justify some of this because we don't really know those people and/or they are kinda putting themselves out there for our scrutiny (sorry Jersey Shore cast...but you asked for it). But the repercussions of our judgemental nature come to light when it hits closer to home, like when we catch ourselves judging our friend's behavior or choice in clothes/car/mate/hair color, especially when it's done in a negative way. Sometimes we even view other's Facebook posts as ego-centric and self-serving (ummm, hello...it's their personal wall, what should they post about?). We even catch ourselves discrediting another's accomplishment by saying things like "yes, but..." (i.e. "Yes she ran a marathon but did you see how slow it was??").

I'm guilty. I did do all of this and more. I'd really like to say I am beyond judging others...that somewhere along the way between meditation and yoga and running and growing and reading and learning that I've become secure enough with myself that the need or desire or that judgemental mechanism inside of me has been removed. But it's still there and rather than dwell on how bad of a person I am I've decide to take a deeper look at myself and find a lesson in it all.

O! beware, my lord, of jealousy;

It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock

The meat it feeds on.

~William Shakespeare, Othello

You see, most of the time, when I catch myself judging someone I can trace it back to jealousy, insecurity or even a fault in myself that I see reflected back from someone else's behavior. The easiest for me to identify is when I say something like '(insert a beautiful famous person's name here) isn't really all that pretty' (I said this last night about Britney Spears and then had to correct myself later, she is beautiful). I know that the source of this is my own insecurity. It's more of a reflection of my own self-doubt than of someone else's beauty and actually makes me less attractive inside (which really is all that matters anyway, right?).

 

Take that to the next level and when I find myself criticizing (mentally or to another friend~call it gossiping or it's heavily veiled nom de plume, 'venting') a girl friend who just lost 20 pounds or finds herself in a wonderful and healthy relationship I can pretty much bet that my own insecurities and jealousies are screaming out for attention...(and it's up to me to decide if they get it).

 

It is never wise to seek or wish for another's misfortune. If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang. ~Charley Reese

But I also found that when a friend's behavior kinda rubs me the wrong way it's often an indicator that we share a trait that I don't particularly care for in myself. Maybe I don't like how much so-and-so gossips, or brags, or plays victim, or seeks attention, or meddles into every one's business. But if I sit there quietly and ask myself why it bothers me so much (especially when it doesn't really even affect me) the answer may be hard to swallow. It's as if a mirror is being held up to my own face.
 It's the ultimate in deflecting because of course, I can claim they are much worse than me. I might even use the words 'well at least I don't...' or 'I may be ____ but at least I'm not that ____'. What 'we' (because I don't think I'm alone here) are really pushing is the idea that we are the lessor of two evils (well, if you don't count the shit talking we're doing).

One of the most important things I learned from judging others was that it wasn't them that needed to change. It was me. I was the one judging  (and if they were doing the same that was their business) but for my own growth (and sanity) it was important for me to learn and at least try to change. My jealously was making me less...not because their success was stealing my joy or sucking up all of the goodness or beauty available in the world, but by making me into that girl...the one who thought that knocking someone else down would somehow lift me up.

There's enough love and beauty in the world for all of us have...it's an endless supply, which means we don't have to "take" it from one person and give it to another. When I see a beautiful flower it doesn't mean that some other flower shrivels up a little and becomes ugly...like a sacrafice to the other's beauty. Same with people...whether it's inner or outer beauty there is plenty to go around (not to mention it already exists in each and every one of us...though we often can't see it through our green-eyed veil). 

There's a beautiful piece from Elephant Journal I came across this morning that speaks about this...I hope you take a moment to read it here.

Getting Lost...

via Facebook

My friend Lauren likes to call getting lost an "accidental adventure". My friend Coleen posted the above image on my Facebook wall after we managed to get lost for the fourth time in a row during our last Weekend Sherpa Adventure to Alamere Falls in Point Reyes National Seashore.

Along Point Reyes National Seashore.

It seems to be something that just happens, even in this day and age of GPS and map quest, or perhaps because of these conveniences (I swear my GPS has taken me to the craziest places, like dirt roads made for ATVs or mountain bikes). I remember using those impossible-to-refold maps {one for every state} to navigate a trip from Warner Robbins, Georgia to Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania...my dad at the controls of his brand new 1984 Camaro and me (all of 13 years old) making sure we made it to Grammy's house so my dad would be proud of my awesome navigation skills. Now, I not only print out mapquest or Google map directions, but then also use my phone's navigation app, and still manage to get turned around.

My Grammy Weber {RIP}

But, like Lauren says, and like Coleen and I have done, we make the most of these accidental adventures...or at least use them as an excuse to stop for a coffee. Hmmm, I wonder if Starbucks might be behind all of this? I'm not sure that the hubby will be as amused as Coleen and Lauren when IF I get us lost while he's behind the wheel of our 32 foot RV that's also towing a Jeep...it's not so easy to turn that thing around or drive through narrow streets when GPS has us taking some odd 'shortcut'. We've already had to disconnect the Jeep once to make a u-turn on a random dirt road my navigation app told us would end up at our intended campground. It didn't...and I swear I heard banjo music playing...

So last week, after taking the long-way (I won't say lost because the road eventually did lead us to the right place), Coleen and I were treated to quite possibly the best hike ever. Being a bit worried that we might be disappointed after the gorgeous hike to Stinson Beach the week prior, we almost didn't want to attempt any new hikes. But, once again, Weekend Sherpa came through with this fabulous suggestion. And this is what we were treated to:




Alamere Falls...yes, a waterfall ON the beach!

I'm a sucker for the beach...and waterfalls...so you can understand the problem with this setting...where to we eat lunch? Facing the waterfall or the ocean?

A blend of forest, beach, ocean vistas, lakes waterfalls and coastal breezes.

 

I don't know if Coleen and I will have time for any more adventures. She is currently in Kauai running a half-marathon with Team-in-Training and I have four weeks before we hit the road (with two dental appointments, a camping trip to Ano Nuevo and Butano State Parks planned as well as my husband's retirement party). We've made some great memories and taken a ton of pictures. I've certainly enjoyed every second I've been able to spend with her and consider her to be one of my closest and best friends.

 

We're so dang cute!

Our new friend.



Weekend Sherpa

My time in Northern California is quickly coming to an end. After living in the East Bay for 18 years (longer than I've lived anywhere) my husband and I are packing up our entire lives and heading out in a 32-foot Winnebago RV to travel the country indefinitely. We leave in seven weeks.

"The Mutiny" at Folsom State Park

 Short-term-itis has set in and so seven weeks feels like forever while we plug away at our 'day jobs' counting down the days until we launch. However, we recently started preparations it's now becoming apparent that this time will fly by and we may not be ready if we aren't careful. Lots of lists and appointments and sticky notes of 'things to do' litter our living space so we don't forget the small details, like updated rabies vaccinations for the furbabies.

In a previous post I had mentioned all of the things I still wanted to do before we leave. Norcal is a wonderful place with so many things to do and experience that one could literally spend a lifetime trying to see it all. We live just 2 hours from Lake Tahoe and some of the best skiing in the world...as a matter of fact, we were just married this past Christmas at Squaw Valley Ski Resort which was home to the 1960 Winter Olympics. Go the other direction and in about an hour we can be in the heart of San Francisco enjoying noodles in China Town. Just outside of The City there are Redwood forests, beaches, more mountains, national monuments and a million places that will take your breath away...and did I mention Napa Valley (aka Wine Country) is 30 minutes from us?

In a mad rush to experience every thing I can {because that's what I do} I've enlisted the help of the best running partner in the world, Coleen. Inspired by Weekend Sherpa's Adventure Challenge (to complete three of their adventures and post pictures of us doing them on to their Facebook Page to earn a Weekend Sherpa t-shirt) we've accomplished six so far.

1- North Peak of Mt. Diablo

Dang there's a lot of uphill on this hike!

The North Park of Mt. Diablo...we just came from there and were on our way to the Summit.

2- The Grand Loop to Mt. Diablo summit

We made it!!

Part of the 360 degree view from the top.

Mt. Diablo Grand Loop

3- Sutro Baths

The Sutro Baths...

Sutro Baths with the Cliff House in the background...

4- Land's End Labyrinth

The Labyrinth at Mile Rock Beach

In the Labyrinth...

Coastal Sweet Peas

5- China Beach

Sutro, China Beach, Land's End

Coleen enjoying the surf with the Golden Gate in background...

6- Mt. Tamalpais to Stinson Beach (and back)

Spotted some wildlife...

Hiked a portion of this famous trail...

Found some beautiful coastal flowers...

Was treated to an amazing view of San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge from Table Rock on Mt. Tam.

Posing for pics on one of many bridges on Steep Ravine...

Cooling off in the Pacific Ocean...Stinson Beach.



Mt. Tampalpais/Stinson Beach

Beautiful scenery, fun-filled adventures and great outdoor hikes aside, the time I have been able to spend with Coleen has been the true highlight of these past few weeks. It's hard to say goodbye to friends and I have no idea how I'm going to deal with this one in particular. It's pretty rare for me to find someone who enjoys so much of the same things and can still carry on a good conversation or for us to be in each other's company without the need to fill every second with words...no uncomfortable silences here.

Hopefully, Coleen and I will be able to squeeze in a few more adventures...after all, I still need to get a picture of us together in our Weekend Sherpa t-shirts!

* Note: I will be blogging our RV Adventures at Tales From the Mutiny if you care to follow along!

Where "Self-Help" fails...

For a while now I've been kinda beating myself up for not having a big group of friends from which I could pick and choose to accompany me to the gym or coffee or a crazy shopping spree a la Sex and the City to buy all of the latest trends. I've always thought it was a flaw (being shy) or that maybe people just don't like me {insert pity-party here}. 

image via Pinterest

Actually, this is not a new place to be for me. As an Air Force Brat I sometimes looked at our moves as an opportunity to reinvent myself...yea, even before Madonna was doing it...and I would tell myself that when we arrived at our next duty assignment I was going to answer only to my middle name, Susanne. I felt Lynn was boring...and obviously my name was holding me back. In my mind if I changed my name then I could change who I was completely. But I always chickened out and when introduced to new people I would blurt out "Hi, I'm Lynn", afraid they would somehow figure out I was an imposter if I said otherwise.

Sue Heck from The Middle, when she changed her name to Suki.

Over time I read numerous books that promised to change me into who I was really meant to be, which I am sure was a table-top dancing socialite who also happened to be BFF's with Jen Aniston, with total disregard to who I already was. Always trying to fix myself whether or not I was even 'broken'...that is the conundrum created by self-help-itis.


via Pinterest

It's as if we don't have enough pressure in this life...pressure to wear the right kind of jeans (Gloria Vanderbilt, of course) and shoes (Reebok's...without socks) in Junior High, pressure to pick the right career path (I'm 41 and still don't know what I want to do with my life let alone figure out what my calling is...I've been listening but have not received a reply yet), pressure to marry the right person and have babies (I remember my dad telling me when I was a little girl that I could be anything I wanted and then doing a complete 180 and saying there was nothing wrong with me being a housewife)...so we add in the pressure of always striving to be different or somehow better then who we are.

And we are convinced that it is a never ending quest...It can be exhausting...

via Pinterest

It's a fast track to disappointment because, if you're anything like me you didn't wear the trendy clothes in Junior High (nor do you wear them now) and maybe you didn't marry the right person the first {or second} time around...so you perpetuate this inadequacy by reading books or watching TV shows that make you feel like you should be...well, like any one else except you.

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So I may not have that many girl-friends or a standing lunch date every week but I do know (after my car broke down 2 weeks ago when it was 100 degrees out and I had a trunk full of groceries) that I do have friends who are there for me when I need them. I also know that I really enjoy an abundance of alone time (call me selfish) preferring to do many activities on my own without the pressure of accommodating someone else's expectations or happiness (none of that "what do you want to do? I don't care...whatever you want to do?" so you pick something only to be told "well, certainly not that...anything but that...").
I'm an introvert and no amount of self-help books or subliminal CD's will change that (I know, I've tried about 100 ways to create a New and Improved Me) and I'm pretty sure that even if there was that one magic self-help book that could change me I wouldn't buy it or even download it to my Kindle. Nope, not gonna do it.

Certainly there are a lot of areas in my life where I can improve. I'd like to work on my cooking repertoire (which I think my husband would appreciate since right now his dinners consist of grilled chicken, rice, veggie followed by grilled steak, rice, veggie with an occasional grilled fish, rice, veggie) and of course I want to work on my writing, photography, editing, running, and spiritual life (I might have mentioned once, or maybe 5 times, that I wanted to make meditation a priority in my life once again).

There's a fine line between pursuing goals or finding ways to grow as a person and falling in to the self-help trap that makes you wish you were some one else (okay, so maybe being a rich heiress wouldn't be all that bad). Our quest to be a better person shouldn't make us feel inadequate or flawed because of specific personality traits. Not everything should be viewed as something we need to 'fix' but rather something we can use to enhance our other experiences.



via Pinterest

These past few days I've been researching the first leg of our Grand RV Adventure. In roughly 4 months we will be pulling up stakes and hitting the road permanently in our RV loving named The Mutiny. Planning long stays in State and National Parks with no electricity and only my husband as company I realize the benefits of being introverted when it comes to seclution. As the weight lifts off my shoulders and the self-blame disappaites like sweat in a tech-tee I find I am comfortable being me.