The Story of a Runner Turned Yogi...

When I come to my yoga mat every morning I try to leave my expectations behind. This is a practice, a blending of breath with the flow of movement, not something to conquer or master or dominate but something to experience and embrace. It wasn't always that way and I'm not always successful at doing so. Yoga started off for me as a way to earn P.E. credits in college and later turned into a means to "force" myself to stretch when I became a runner. I sought out the more aggressive videos like power flow and later, P90X so that my yoga days would feel more like a workout than a time suck...I mean, can you really count 60 minutes of stretching to spa music as working out (especially when 5 of those minutes were laying on the ground in corpse pose doing nothing)?

My previous mentality...

 In my mid 30's I felt that I was no longer running for health benefits but more as a way to run away from life. I was disconnected from my body and mind, pushing myself into injuries and brushing it off as 'true dedication'..."See how committed I am?? I'm running with a torn hip flexor and fracture in my foot!!". After finally being forced to take 6 months off (via a cast) I found other forms of exercise to fill the void...boxing, cross fit, kettle bells, HIIT, P90X, Insanity, BodyRock, etc. before turning back to running. Yoga took a back seat again (actually, it got left behind at the rest stop). But the disconnect still persisted and I was faced with results that weren't fulfilling me mentally or physically.

I earned my orange headband completing Tough Mudder Norcal.

Crossing the finish line with my BFF Coleen at the Rock n' Roll San Diego Marathon.

 Although I do love the mental and physical aspects of the events I participated in like a full marathon and Tough Mudder, I also knew that these types of physically demanding challenges weren't something I aspired to maintain for the rest of my life (and yes, I am aware of the 100 year old man who completed the Toronto Marathon as well as the 80 year old man who has run 19 NYC Marathons). I'm no wimp, don't get me wrong...but I don't want to continue to dedicate the amount of time and effort into training for marathon after marathon for the next 40+ (God willing) years. My last marathon did a number on me...breaking down muscles and mentally challenging me during long and lonely 18+ mile training runs. While it was an overall positive experience which I am proud of, it's just not sustainable for me.

SIddha Yoga Ashram in Oakland...a turning point.

Over the past couple of years I've learned that yoga has so much more to offer than a limber body and a means to work out the kinks. A visit to an ashram in Oakland opened my eyes to the true meaning of yoga as well as the 7 other limbs to enlightenment...something I was in desperate need of at that point in my life. So, about a year ago (a little while after we officially hit the road as fulltime travelers) I stopped running and committed myself to practicing yoga almost exclusively. And this time my yoga practice would incorporate more than just asanas (although I am going to post pictures of some of these poses, because asana is one of the limbs).

Practicing pigeon pose on Glaveston Island, Texas

In that time I have felt a definite and positive shift in my health and mental well being. I've also not only maintained the muscle mass I had previously acquired but my aches and pains have diminished (specifically in my back, sciatic, hips and knees...some of which have troubled me since I was a teenager). My core has strengthened as well as my upper body and my balance has improved. But the biggest change has been more profound. I feel very connected to my body...its changes, its  needs, its sensitive areas and places of resistance.

Taking an amazing class in Contoocook New Hampshire...possibly my favorite class to date.

I also feel an interconnectedness with every thing around me...the wind, the trees, the water, the seasons...even people I encounter. Rather than jumping to harsh judgements I embrace that pause between seeing and completing a thought and instead, imagine the struggles they are going through...and even if they aren't struggling I can imagine the journey it has taken me to get to where I am physically and mentally and remember that no one can map out another person's journey nor can they force another to even embark on that journey.

Headstand in the Pocono Mountains

Yoga has provided me the peace and serenity that previously came only from a pill or the sheer exhaustion of over-training. I am not begrudging anyone who runs or boxes or finds enjoyment from intense physical activity as I still do enjoy riding my bike, hiking and kayaking when I can...I even ran a 5k distance last month and felt exhilarated. I also still have some big dreams and goals, perhaps to climb a mountain or learn to surf. But for me, yoga has provided the missing element of joining body, mind and spirit (with the side benefit of maintaining or even improving my fitness).

Morning self practice in Pennsylvania

Some days I leave my mat in tears from emotions which have been stirred from syncing my breath and movement with an open minded willingness to to just be...to just feel...to listen to my needs. Some days I leave my mat with so much energy that I ride my bike or go for a hike or clean the entire RV or even add an additional round of practice complete with arm balances and handstands. And some days I leave my mat content, even happy...a feeling that continues throughout the day and spills over onto the people around me.But I never leave my mat with regret for having taken the time to breath and connect with something deeper than myself, for having taken time for myself I have found the link to every thing around me.



 

Releasing your crappy run...

As I mentioned in a previous post, there are times when I feel that running is just not my calling. Or perhaps the truth is I want to run but it's hard and I am just not good at it...and therefore should pick up a more suitable hobby like watching the sun move across the sky or reviewing the new flavors Pringles has come out with. Both of these sound like awesome endeavors which would require so much less physical and emotional exertion than running 13 miles on a ninety degree day.

Working from home and setting my own hours has given me the freedom to stay up late (thanks to the hubby's schedule) and in turn, wake up late. I'm not complaining...it just means I am now too lazy to wake up at the crack of dawn to go running before the heat sets in. In admitting this I get to question my intention and commitment to running. I'm an over-analyzer...what can I say.

There was no escaping the heat this day.

Yesterday I drove to Benecia (about 30 miles west) in an attempt to escape the 100 degrees we were experiencing at home. I had two options...try to run my scheduled 14ish miles on a treadmill at the gym without losing my mind or sacrifice some gas money to drive to a more suitable (read: cooler) location. So, off to Benecia I went where the temperature at the start of my run was a pleasant 90 degrees. Just a little tip: when checking the Internet for current temperatures be sure to check more than one site, especially if it promises you that it will be a comfortable 20 degrees cooler with fabulous scenic vistas to make your long run the most fantastic run of your life.

Benecia State Recreation Area

Fortunately, the scenic vistas were pretty fabulous but it was hard to appreciate them through the sweat and later, the calf cramps. I tried to be careful and of course I listened to my body (watching for signs of heat exhaustion and also taking it easy) but at some point my desire for cold water over took all rational thinking and I found my lips almost permanently attached to the water fountain drinking more than I should at one time.

The Benecia Bridge, blackberries ripening and Mt. Diablo in the distance.

 I struggled through the last 5 miles...physically my calves were locking up, I was chafing in places I didn't know chafed (my belly-button?? that's new) and my feet were hurting (I had tried to run on the trail/gravel as much as possible which kinda tore up my tender nubbins) but emotionally I was suffering even more. First was the ridiculousness of having driven so far to run only to still be in the heat, then was the nagging Runkeeper voice that kept repeating my snail-like pace and saying things like 'obviously you must have meant to hit walk not run on the settings, you slow-ass idiot' and then I started wondering what had possessed me to sign up for another full marathon (the Half Moon Bay International Marathon on Sep 23). At mile eight I was wondering if I should drop down to the half...at mile nine I really thought the 10K would be a better choice...at mile ten I contemplated 'retiring' from running starting that instant.

So here I am, a little sore with a bruised ego and yet still kinda proud I got my run in, even if it was slow and miserable. I realize I need more compassion in my life and that includes compassion for myself which is something that I read about last night.

"If we are willing to stand fully in our own shoes and never give up on ourselves, then we will be able to put ourselves in the shoes of others and never give up on them." ~Pema Chodron Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

I know this is deeper than running...but it still flipped a switch for me...that it is okay for me to have a bad run, feel a little sorry for myself, show myself some compassion but also to not give up. It's about being okay {a little bit} with the self-doubt, acknowledging that it is just a thought, the same as thinking the a flower is pretty or that a particular perfume smells bad. It doesn't identify me nor does it mean it's true so I can just let the thought go...just like the passing thoughts that cross your mind during meditation or yoga.

"Affirmations are like screaming that you're okay in order to overcome this whisper that you're not." ~Pema Chodron Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

This also rang true to me. After all, I've done the affirmation thing, I've spoken about my goals in the present tense and then I blogged about how we are always telling ourselves that we aren't good enough...and thanks to the whole self-help industry, apparently we never will be. But what if we take a softer approach, allow a moment to acknowledge the shitty feeling and then let it float away (like a fart in the wind). Then maybe we can get back to what we were doing...finishing that run, editing that blog post, submitting that article, applying for that job, etc.

As I sit here and nurse my sore legs (with a foam roller and stretching) I know that come September 23rd I'll be running my second full marathon having trained through the good runs and bad and that I will be proud of my accomplishment no matter what happens. This doesn't mean that I don't have a goal for this race but simply that this is a race a choose to run, a challenge I set for myself and that there is no pressure to define myself as a success or failure because of this event.

Cattails and Sunshine

It's like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders releasing myself from some of the expectations I placed there...that every  run should be fast and magnificent and that it all gets easier and fun over time (sorry but going for a two and a half hour long run at 90 degree by yourself may offer some nice alone time...or may drive you to delirium...either way you end up with a nausea hang-over while simultaneously feeling like you haven't eaten in 4 days). They are just long runs after all...running one mile and then another after that until you're done. But you can be certain that this will be my last full marathon. =)

Lies my Demons Told Me...

Photo: source

Sweat is dripping from my elbows. It's hot...I want to quit...my eyes burn with the salty sting of more sweat at my brow...the demons start their chant. "You're not built to be a runner"..."You're slow, too slow"..."You're going to fail"..."Just quit already". I start to believe them, these demons, and while my legs fight to keep moving forward my mind tries to justify quitting now...4 miles before my scheduled 10 miler is supposed to end. I want to throw up or throw in the towel...or both.

Photo: source

I'm sitting at my computer, the cursor blinking at me, tauntingly. I am working on a story to submit to an online journal...except the story won't come and so the demons start their chant. "You're not a writer"..."They will reject your story and tell you never to submit again"..."You're going to fail"..."Just quit already". I start to believe them and I close my page thinking I'll just check Facebook or my email for a bit...maybe read some blogs for some inspiration.

“Being a writer is a very peculiar sort of a job: it's always you versus a blank sheet of paper (or a blank screen) and quite often the blank piece of paper wins.” ~ Neil Gaiman

These little bastards have an insatiable appetite devouring my best intentions and gulping down my self-esteem like a college kid doing a keg stand. And it seems they have made themselves at home somewhere in my psyche. Squatters...because they don't even pay rent.

I have a wonderful friend, Heidi, who always tells me how good I am at everything I do. I have a love/hate relationship with compliments. On one hand they are a welcome surprise because I often feel no one notices and it's nice to be noticed {sometimes} but on the other hand I feel like an impostor. There's no way those words can be used to describe me...obviously I have her fooled. I think, 'perhaps to satisfy my own Ego I have exaggerated my activities a bit?'...because, as the demons point out, I am not worthy of such praise.

When my father died 2 years ago from a head-on automobile accident, I came across a journal he had started. Although I felt like a was betraying him to read his words...words he intended only for his own eyes, I also felt that I needed  to read them. I needed a connection, I needed an explanation, I needed to hear something, anything from him.

My dad in 1952, he was 5 years old.

In that little book I read about my father's own insecurities. I read that his biggest disappointment wasn't me {as most children of alcoholics might feel at times} but himself. This coming from the man I thought was brilliant...having earned a Master's Degree after dropping out of school in the 8th grade. Yet here were his words...echoing my own demons, saying how much he hated his lips {which were beautiful and full...the same lips he passed down to me} and felt that he had disappointed his family and failed in his career.

At any given time I am questioning my ability or dismissing my accomplishments. And while it's possible I inherited this trait from my father, who got from his father, who probably got it from his father it is time to stop...to end the madness. It's time I own my accomplishments, no matter how small or insignificant they may first appear, because they are born of my sweat, blood and tears...they are what make up my life.

Life can be hard, we never know what's going to happen in the next 5 years or the next 5 minutes. Success can be hard, things that come easy...that don't scare the hell out of us or test our limits or make us question our sanity aren't the things that have the ability to change our lives or perspective. I've questioned my sanity AND my limits during a Hot Yoga class...it reduced me to tears, not just because of the physical aspect but the emotional one as well.

Running is hard. Running a marathon is really hard. It should be...only 1% of the population has done it. Writing is hard and the world is full of critics. It exposes us in a way that scares us. It's worse than being naked because it's reveals our true soul...not just the flesh and blood.

 “A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. ” ~Thomas Mann

This from my friend Lauren, sent to my FB wall just today.

This from the Crazies' Manifesto at Rebelle Epoque.

As I was finishing up this post, a friend of mine (a fellow runner) posted this on Facebook, which couldn't have been more timely:

Running isn’t a sport for pretty boys...it’s about the sweat in your hair & the blisters on your feet. It’s the frozen spit on your chin & the nausea in your gut. It’s about throbbing calves & cramps at midnight that are strong enough to wake the dead. It’s about getting out the door & running even when the rest of the world is only dreaming about having the passion that you need to live each & every day with. It’s about being on a lonely road & running like a champion even when there’s not a soul in sight to cheer you on. Running is about having the desire to train & persevere until every fiber in your legs, mind & heart is turned to steel. And when you’ve finally forged hard enough, you will have become the best runner that you can be. And that’s all you can ask for.

 ~ Paul Maurer (The Gift - A Runner's Story)

Is It Karma?

Last year I ran my first marathon ever, Rock n' Roll San Diego, with the help of Team in Training. It was, for the most part, a great experience. Don't get me wrong, I was terrified of the fund-raising part and often thought that I would have to change to the half-marathon after a handful of really bad long runs. But, in the end, I exceeding my fund-raising goal and finished all 26.2 miles.

I'm a marathoner!!

After San Diego I continued to run but not with the same zeal...I no longer had buddy-runs to show up to or group long runs already mapped out which included water stops. It was just me...and my excuses. The first being that I needed to recover from the marathon and the second that I NEVER wanted to do that distance again.

I had managed to lose a lot of the "speed" I once had. With all of those long runs I tried to relieve some of the pressure by allowing myself to run slower. I've never been fast...but I was certainly quite a bit faster then I was finding myself once I started running again. For me, my slowness became a de-motivator. I gave myself a pity-party...which lasted several months.

This spring I finally got the urge back...an actual desire to run again. It's been a slow process working up from about 3 mile 'long' runs to about 5 now but I've been working on getting some speed back as I increase my distance. By incorporating plyometrics and weights I feel that I'm better balanced than when I trained for the marathon (last year I actually had an increase in body fat which is not atypical of endurance athletes) and, until now, I've remained injury free.

My cool finisher's medal!

Which brings me to today. The smell of Tiger Balm drifts up from my knee and a steady stream of Ibuprofen (mixed with a lovely glass of Pinot) is hopefully helping with any internal swelling. A week ago Saturday (Mar 31) I ran a trail 10K put on by my favorite racing group, Brazen Racing. I wanted to use this a jumping off point for more racing this year, my last season in this area, and since it was local and had a cool finisher's medal I was stoked about the race and never even worried about the distance.

Well, it wasn't the distance that was the problem...it was when the sky opened up and the bottom fell out. We were standing in the starting corral counting down the last few seconds before the start when Mother Nature decided to make this race very challenging (comparable to Tough Mudder). The first 2.5 miles were road and gravel...the rest was almost all single track cow trails.

I don't know why I'm looking at that guy all crazy.

Finish by any means necessary!

I don't know how else to explain the conditions other than imaging running on a Slip-n-Slide while it's raining. Running uphill was all but impossible since, with every step, we were actually sliding back down the hill. Most of us attempted to run on the side of the hills in whatever grass we could find so we had some kind of traction. I fell once...it was as I was trying to pass a guy pushing a stroller.  A STROLLER...in a downpour, on the side of a mountain, in the mud, on a cow trail that now resembled a river!


I wasn't kidding.

A big portion of the 10K course was like this.



And I wasn't the only one to fall!

But that wasn't even when I felt the first pains...it was when I finally got the chance to run all out. It was still pouring down (and cold) so I was sprinting to the finish to just get it all over with when about 100 yards from the finish I felt it...a sharp pain behind my right knee-cap. I quickly forgot about the pain when I spotted my good friend, and TNT running partner, Coleen at the finish. What a great surprise!!

Me (left) and Coleen (right) this past summer during a long run.

After changing into the dry clothes and sipping on the Soy Vanilla Latte she brought me (did I mention how awesome she is??) I completely forgot about my knee. But a week later the pain is still there. I even ran on Friday to test it out and while I felt fine running I am in pain now whenever I go up or down the stairs.

It's bad Karma I'm sure. You see, I had applied to be a Mentor for the fall season for our Team in Training Marathon team and got the position. But in the meantime I had decided that I wanted to run for me this race season (since it's my last). I didn't want to sacrifice my own running to help my mentees out so I declined the position. And then this happened.

3rd Place (age group)...makes me smile!

In the end I found out that I placed 3rd in my age group. And even though I am recovering from my first injury in a very long time, I am sticking to my guns and running this season for me. I'm 41...I don't know how much longer I can do this and I still have some goals I'd like to reach. In the meantime, I'll still volunteer to help my TNT group out by doing water stops for them...that ought to satisfy the Karma Police.

Taper Week Still Sucks A$$...

It is Taper Week once again (I have the Davis Moo-nlight 1/2 Marathon this Saturday night) and it is driving me crazy.  Partly due to the fact that I had already taken 8 days off after pulling something in my lower back while doing housework but also because I started reading Racing Weight by Matt Fitzgerald and am now all amped up to get this body fat 'issue' resolved.

It sometimes seems as if I get the best spurts of 'motivation' when I can't (shouldn't) exercise...I feel like a kid whose been told "No" only to have that spark my desire to 'it' even more.  If only I could bottle this feeling and sell it!  But, instead, I am trying to channel this restlessness into other things, like actually posting in my blog {okay, and maybe a little housework}.

I noticed recently that I started falling into my modus operandi...staying really busy but not getting much done.  Oh, I've been having fun with #runchat and #fitblog, meeting new people and checking out new blogs {Hi new friends!!!}.  But I've also READ more about training than I've actually trained!

What have I actually accomplished??  Well, I DO have my complete marathon training plan ready and loaded into my Google calendar (with reminders).  I also have the FULL 90 days of P90X in the calendar (although I'm about 3 weeks behind due to the above mentioned injury) but will need to update this now that I'm back in action.  {Needless to say it gets really, really annoying when my phone reminder goes off and I am in no way, shape or form gonna make my workout...like this past Saturday when I was in Sonoma at a star-studded wedding with free wine}.

The best wedding idea ever...funny photo booth...we made scrapbook pages for the Bride & Groom right there from duplicates!!

And while I've been really good about getting my required miles in, I have failed to actually go outside and hit some hills and trails as I had originally planned in preparation for the Tough Mudder in September.

My Tough Mudder shirt...watch out whiners!!

I am really hoping that this half-marathon be a springboard for the remainder of my summer training.  I am eager to get on-board with some hill and trail running as well as more kettle bells and P90X.  Reading the Racing Weight book has also helped to focus my attention on over-all fitness goals rather then a "weight" goal, after all, I've seen a lot of 'skinny' people who have a lot of body fat and are no healthier (or even less healthy) than a person who weighs more.

Back to {marathon} School...

After finishing my first marathon, and registering for my second (obviously before reality set in), I've decided to give the Hansons-Brooks training plan a shot.  I trained for the Rock n Roll San Diego 2011 Marathon with Team in Training and not only was I able to complete my first marathon but also made some great friends, learned about Leukemia and Lymphoma, raised over $3100 for LLS, and had a life changing experience.  I would highly recommend TNT to everyone...they have other events including half-marathons, century bike rides, triathlons and hiking events.  If you aren't inclined to these activities, there are many support rolls as well.

Team Solano at the San Diego Rock n Roll Marathon

That being said, as much as I wanted to come back to TNT as a Mentor for summer season, I promised to take a few months off from the time commitments so that the BF and I could travel and go camping.  So, even though I STILL have dedicate time to training for both the Tough Mudder in September AND the Nike Women's Marathon in October, my schedule will be flexible enough to allow plenty of summer fun.

Source

That's where the Hansons-Brooks plan comes in...you see, there are no super long runs.  Most "long" runs in the plan are 10 miles and none go over 16 miles.  In the recent past my training schedule has consisted of one Buddy Run of 1.5 hours, one track day lasting 1 hour, and one long run day which, with travel, lasted half the day on every Saturday.  Personally, I think I need to run more frequently.  That doesn't necessarily mean longer runs...but definitely more often if I want to improve my times and set a half and full marathon PR.

Source

I've been doing a lot of research, from the Cross-Fit Endurance plans with minimal running to the Lydiard Plan with several 20+ mile long runs and, based on my goals (and admiration for the Brooks runners), I have made my decision.  I admit that I AM a cardio junkie but I also need to get lean and gain some upper body strength for the upcoming Tough Mudder race in September.

So, the catch here is that I will be incorporating the P90X workout along with my running.  It will be a fine balance of running and cross-training, mostly including double workouts daily.  My health will be of utmost importance and I will need to pay better attention to my diet and to the signals my body gives me.  I cannot risk injury or illness at this point.  And, to be honest, I really want to put my training and nutrition to the test, so to speak.

I am very committed to my training plan and have it all laid out in my Google Calendar.  Next I will be refocusing on my nutrition.  I plan on following Brendan Brazier's Thrive Diet, as I've mentioned before, eating mostly vegan.  My only "planned" deviation will be Shakeology, which I will start using as soon as it arrives in the mail.  However, I will be getting back into making the Thrive Energy Bars, Recovery Pudding, Energy Pudding and gels.  I'm looking into some of the Vega products (Brazier's company) so that I can have some quick and portable energy foods to keep me from sabotaging myself when I don't have time to make my own.

It's got glow in dark medals...woohoo!

Just for good measure, I've registered for the Davis Moo-nlight Half-Marathon in July.  It will be a great opportunity to measure my progress and tweak things (if need be) before Nike.


This training plan is taken from the Running Times article found here.

S.O.S. Something of Substance Training
Week	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
1					6	6	6
2	8	6	Speed	Off	3 or 6	Off or 6	3 or 6
3	4 or 8	Off or 6	2 or Speed	Off	3 or 6	3 or 6	3 or 6
4	4 or 8	Off or 6	4 or Speed	Off	4 or MP 6*	4 or 7	4 or 6
5	5 or 10	Off or 6	5 or Speed	Off	3 or MP 6	3 or 6	5 or 8
6	5 or 8	Off or 6	5 or Speed	Off	4 or MP 6	5 or 7	4 or 6
7	6 or 12	4 or 6	Speed	Off	MP 5 or 7	4 or 6	8 or 10
8	8	4 or 6	Speed	Off	MP 5 or 7	4 or 7	6 or 8
9	10 or 14	6	Speed	Off	MP 5 or 7	5 or 6	6 or 10
10	10	5 or 8	Speed	Off	MP 6 or 8	6 or 7	5 or 8
11	15	6	Speed	Off	MP 8	5 or 6	8 or 10
12	10	5 or 8	Strength	Off	MP 8	6 or 7	8
13	16	5 or 6	Strength	Off	MP 9	5 or 6	8 or 10
14	10	7 or 8	Strength	Off	MP 9	6 or 7	6 or 8
15	16	5 or 6	Strength	Off	MP 9	5 or 6	8 or 10
16	10	7 or 8	Strength	Off	MP 10	6 or 7	6 or 8
17	16	5 or 6	Strength	Off	MP 10	5 or 6	8 or 10
18	10	7 or 8	Strength	Off	MP 10	6 or 7	6 or 8
19	8	5 or 6	5	Off	6	5 or 6	3
20	Marathon
____________________________ *MP=Marathon Pace Beginners start Thursday of week 2, and use the first workout listed for a particular day, or the lower end of the mileage range. All distances are listed in miles. Do you stick to any particular training plan or nutrition plan before a race?  Have you ever considered doing something like Team in Training to help you reach your goals? Something cool...I know how important it is to have a gear bag ready when running/training/going to the gym.  It can make or break a workout, especially when you realize that you've forgotten something important like socks.  Check out these amazing gear bags and a GIVEAWAY from Live Well 360.