The Story of a Runner Turned Yogi...

When I come to my yoga mat every morning I try to leave my expectations behind. This is a practice, a blending of breath with the flow of movement, not something to conquer or master or dominate but something to experience and embrace. It wasn't always that way and I'm not always successful at doing so. Yoga started off for me as a way to earn P.E. credits in college and later turned into a means to "force" myself to stretch when I became a runner. I sought out the more aggressive videos like power flow and later, P90X so that my yoga days would feel more like a workout than a time suck...I mean, can you really count 60 minutes of stretching to spa music as working out (especially when 5 of those minutes were laying on the ground in corpse pose doing nothing)?

My previous mentality...

 In my mid 30's I felt that I was no longer running for health benefits but more as a way to run away from life. I was disconnected from my body and mind, pushing myself into injuries and brushing it off as 'true dedication'..."See how committed I am?? I'm running with a torn hip flexor and fracture in my foot!!". After finally being forced to take 6 months off (via a cast) I found other forms of exercise to fill the void...boxing, cross fit, kettle bells, HIIT, P90X, Insanity, BodyRock, etc. before turning back to running. Yoga took a back seat again (actually, it got left behind at the rest stop). But the disconnect still persisted and I was faced with results that weren't fulfilling me mentally or physically.

I earned my orange headband completing Tough Mudder Norcal.

Crossing the finish line with my BFF Coleen at the Rock n' Roll San Diego Marathon.

 Although I do love the mental and physical aspects of the events I participated in like a full marathon and Tough Mudder, I also knew that these types of physically demanding challenges weren't something I aspired to maintain for the rest of my life (and yes, I am aware of the 100 year old man who completed the Toronto Marathon as well as the 80 year old man who has run 19 NYC Marathons). I'm no wimp, don't get me wrong...but I don't want to continue to dedicate the amount of time and effort into training for marathon after marathon for the next 40+ (God willing) years. My last marathon did a number on me...breaking down muscles and mentally challenging me during long and lonely 18+ mile training runs. While it was an overall positive experience which I am proud of, it's just not sustainable for me.

SIddha Yoga Ashram in Oakland...a turning point.

Over the past couple of years I've learned that yoga has so much more to offer than a limber body and a means to work out the kinks. A visit to an ashram in Oakland opened my eyes to the true meaning of yoga as well as the 7 other limbs to enlightenment...something I was in desperate need of at that point in my life. So, about a year ago (a little while after we officially hit the road as fulltime travelers) I stopped running and committed myself to practicing yoga almost exclusively. And this time my yoga practice would incorporate more than just asanas (although I am going to post pictures of some of these poses, because asana is one of the limbs).

Practicing pigeon pose on Glaveston Island, Texas

In that time I have felt a definite and positive shift in my health and mental well being. I've also not only maintained the muscle mass I had previously acquired but my aches and pains have diminished (specifically in my back, sciatic, hips and knees...some of which have troubled me since I was a teenager). My core has strengthened as well as my upper body and my balance has improved. But the biggest change has been more profound. I feel very connected to my body...its changes, its  needs, its sensitive areas and places of resistance.

Taking an amazing class in Contoocook New Hampshire...possibly my favorite class to date.

I also feel an interconnectedness with every thing around me...the wind, the trees, the water, the seasons...even people I encounter. Rather than jumping to harsh judgements I embrace that pause between seeing and completing a thought and instead, imagine the struggles they are going through...and even if they aren't struggling I can imagine the journey it has taken me to get to where I am physically and mentally and remember that no one can map out another person's journey nor can they force another to even embark on that journey.

Headstand in the Pocono Mountains

Yoga has provided me the peace and serenity that previously came only from a pill or the sheer exhaustion of over-training. I am not begrudging anyone who runs or boxes or finds enjoyment from intense physical activity as I still do enjoy riding my bike, hiking and kayaking when I can...I even ran a 5k distance last month and felt exhilarated. I also still have some big dreams and goals, perhaps to climb a mountain or learn to surf. But for me, yoga has provided the missing element of joining body, mind and spirit (with the side benefit of maintaining or even improving my fitness).

Morning self practice in Pennsylvania

Some days I leave my mat in tears from emotions which have been stirred from syncing my breath and movement with an open minded willingness to to just be...to just feel...to listen to my needs. Some days I leave my mat with so much energy that I ride my bike or go for a hike or clean the entire RV or even add an additional round of practice complete with arm balances and handstands. And some days I leave my mat content, even happy...a feeling that continues throughout the day and spills over onto the people around me.But I never leave my mat with regret for having taken the time to breath and connect with something deeper than myself, for having taken time for myself I have found the link to every thing around me.



 

Just 2 Females...Alone...

So, it started with an online coupon offer for 50% off of the race entry for the Dirt Inspires Half-Marathon in Aptos. I put the call out to friends on Facebook to see who would like to take advantage of the savings...and split the cost of gas and room in the Santa Cruz area. As luck would have it, my friend Lauren, who had publicly announced her goal to do a 5K every month this year, answered the call. And, as luck would have it, by the time I got around to registering, the coupon offer was full.

Well, Lauren was already registered for the 8 miler so I sucked it up and paid full price for my entry and began the search for a cheap reasonably priced hotel for us to share. After reading Yelp reviews and narrowing down the search to hotels that didn't require a 2-night minimum stay I sent a link to Lauren and asked what she thought of Pelican Point Inn. Granted, looking at the pictures and room layouts I was a bit worried that she may think I was trying to whisk her away to some romantic beach front get-away but, they did offer 2 beds (rather than sharing one king) and they had only one room available for the Saturday night we needed. Little did I know she didn't even look at the link when she sent back the "okay".

Source

I'll admit, the week prior to the race I was trying to back out of it...but Lauren was on a mission and had to get a 5K+ in before the end of the month. Plus, the inn already had my credit card number so it's not like I was going to save any money by not going. Saturday morning afternoon late afternoon {ahem} we headed to our lovely little inn armed with freshly made smoothies {thanks Lauren} and 90's tunes. Somewhere in Milpitas we missed an exit (see Getting Lost blog entry) and took advantage of this "accidental adventure" by getting Starbucks.

Then, on the dreaded Highway 17, we came to stand still. Up ahead...a Car-B-Q keeping us from our beachy destination {and a damned cocktail}. Slowly we inched towards Santa Cruz...passed a burned out VW Van (how sad!!) and drove towards the smell of salt water to our charming sanctuary...that strangely enough, resembled a MOTEL. A motel next to a taquaria...

Umm, there must be some mistake. The pictures on line looked like a little bed-n-breakfast kind of place...cutesy and quaint. Well...it was already past 7pm and we weren't about to head home so we checked the office...which was closed. I called the number taped to the door and a nice lady, who apparently had a hard time hearing me after I spelled my name 4 times and finally yelled into the phone "There are no men with us...just two females...alone" (smart, right??), told me we must be in room #4 and the key was {she gave me the secret location} and to have a good night.

Bizarre...there's no other way to describe the room...and really, that may be too soft of a word. The walls were barren except for the garish high gloss paint. The "second bed" was an old hospital roll-away...and it was in the living room...near the kitchenette. The furniture was mismatched and just kind of odd. There was a big empty shelf-less bookshelf acting as a "closet" near the door and another empty bookshelf acting as a headboard for the single bed. The bedroom was even creepier due to the lack of pictures. Strange cornice window treatments adorned the 2 windows and looked completely out of place. But the kitchenette and bathroom were well appointed with new appliances and granite counters.

Santa Cruz Harbour Beach

A quick search online confirmed there was no vacancy anywhere nearby...and besides, I would be charged for the room anyway, so we decided to make the most of it. We headed down the street to find some dinner and low-and-behold, the beach was literally right around the corner. We dined at The Crow's Nest, upstairs at the bar and grill, and had a great meal watching the sunset over the water. Amazing location and the bartender made me my first ever Classic Daiquiri {thanks Pink of Perfection}.

Classic Daiquiri at The Crow's Nest

Although we were a little shocked with our accommodations, the location was pretty awesome. About a block away was the best liquor store ever that was stocked full of every alcohol I've never even heard of...as well as fancy popcorn. But, we were there only for water, coconut water and gum...staying hydrated for the big run the next morning.

After the best night of sleep in a long time (dang that little hospital bed was comfy) Lauren (who didn't sleep) and I headed to Aptos grabbing some coffee and oatmeal at the Starbucks in town and on to The Forest of Nisene Mark State Park for the race. Beautiful weather and scenery...a run on a pine needle covered trails...it was heaven. Well, except for the huge hills and technical trails along the way.

One of the four stream crossings during the Dirt Inspired Half-Marathon.

It really was a fantastic race...stream crossings and towering Redwoods...no sunglasses needed on this run! I ended up running the last half of the race with 2 local ladies (I think it was Karen and Kristine) who kept me motivated and encouraged me to keep going. I did suffer some Achilles cramping in my right leg and walked for a few minutes near mile 11 but I caught up with the ladies and we finished strong (thanks for the downhill finish Dirt Inspires!!).

Lauren had finished her 8 miles ahead of me so we met back up and headed to Zachary's for a huge celebratory meal and then went back to the beach for a little recovery before heading home. Yes, we got a little turned around again on the way home...and yes, it resulted in Starbucks again...don't judge.

Releasing your crappy run...

As I mentioned in a previous post, there are times when I feel that running is just not my calling. Or perhaps the truth is I want to run but it's hard and I am just not good at it...and therefore should pick up a more suitable hobby like watching the sun move across the sky or reviewing the new flavors Pringles has come out with. Both of these sound like awesome endeavors which would require so much less physical and emotional exertion than running 13 miles on a ninety degree day.

Working from home and setting my own hours has given me the freedom to stay up late (thanks to the hubby's schedule) and in turn, wake up late. I'm not complaining...it just means I am now too lazy to wake up at the crack of dawn to go running before the heat sets in. In admitting this I get to question my intention and commitment to running. I'm an over-analyzer...what can I say.

There was no escaping the heat this day.

Yesterday I drove to Benecia (about 30 miles west) in an attempt to escape the 100 degrees we were experiencing at home. I had two options...try to run my scheduled 14ish miles on a treadmill at the gym without losing my mind or sacrifice some gas money to drive to a more suitable (read: cooler) location. So, off to Benecia I went where the temperature at the start of my run was a pleasant 90 degrees. Just a little tip: when checking the Internet for current temperatures be sure to check more than one site, especially if it promises you that it will be a comfortable 20 degrees cooler with fabulous scenic vistas to make your long run the most fantastic run of your life.

Benecia State Recreation Area

Fortunately, the scenic vistas were pretty fabulous but it was hard to appreciate them through the sweat and later, the calf cramps. I tried to be careful and of course I listened to my body (watching for signs of heat exhaustion and also taking it easy) but at some point my desire for cold water over took all rational thinking and I found my lips almost permanently attached to the water fountain drinking more than I should at one time.

The Benecia Bridge, blackberries ripening and Mt. Diablo in the distance.

 I struggled through the last 5 miles...physically my calves were locking up, I was chafing in places I didn't know chafed (my belly-button?? that's new) and my feet were hurting (I had tried to run on the trail/gravel as much as possible which kinda tore up my tender nubbins) but emotionally I was suffering even more. First was the ridiculousness of having driven so far to run only to still be in the heat, then was the nagging Runkeeper voice that kept repeating my snail-like pace and saying things like 'obviously you must have meant to hit walk not run on the settings, you slow-ass idiot' and then I started wondering what had possessed me to sign up for another full marathon (the Half Moon Bay International Marathon on Sep 23). At mile eight I was wondering if I should drop down to the half...at mile nine I really thought the 10K would be a better choice...at mile ten I contemplated 'retiring' from running starting that instant.

So here I am, a little sore with a bruised ego and yet still kinda proud I got my run in, even if it was slow and miserable. I realize I need more compassion in my life and that includes compassion for myself which is something that I read about last night.

"If we are willing to stand fully in our own shoes and never give up on ourselves, then we will be able to put ourselves in the shoes of others and never give up on them." ~Pema Chodron Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

I know this is deeper than running...but it still flipped a switch for me...that it is okay for me to have a bad run, feel a little sorry for myself, show myself some compassion but also to not give up. It's about being okay {a little bit} with the self-doubt, acknowledging that it is just a thought, the same as thinking the a flower is pretty or that a particular perfume smells bad. It doesn't identify me nor does it mean it's true so I can just let the thought go...just like the passing thoughts that cross your mind during meditation or yoga.

"Affirmations are like screaming that you're okay in order to overcome this whisper that you're not." ~Pema Chodron Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

This also rang true to me. After all, I've done the affirmation thing, I've spoken about my goals in the present tense and then I blogged about how we are always telling ourselves that we aren't good enough...and thanks to the whole self-help industry, apparently we never will be. But what if we take a softer approach, allow a moment to acknowledge the shitty feeling and then let it float away (like a fart in the wind). Then maybe we can get back to what we were doing...finishing that run, editing that blog post, submitting that article, applying for that job, etc.

As I sit here and nurse my sore legs (with a foam roller and stretching) I know that come September 23rd I'll be running my second full marathon having trained through the good runs and bad and that I will be proud of my accomplishment no matter what happens. This doesn't mean that I don't have a goal for this race but simply that this is a race a choose to run, a challenge I set for myself and that there is no pressure to define myself as a success or failure because of this event.

Cattails and Sunshine

It's like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders releasing myself from some of the expectations I placed there...that every  run should be fast and magnificent and that it all gets easier and fun over time (sorry but going for a two and a half hour long run at 90 degree by yourself may offer some nice alone time...or may drive you to delirium...either way you end up with a nausea hang-over while simultaneously feeling like you haven't eaten in 4 days). They are just long runs after all...running one mile and then another after that until you're done. But you can be certain that this will be my last full marathon. =)

Lies my Demons Told Me...

Photo: source

Sweat is dripping from my elbows. It's hot...I want to quit...my eyes burn with the salty sting of more sweat at my brow...the demons start their chant. "You're not built to be a runner"..."You're slow, too slow"..."You're going to fail"..."Just quit already". I start to believe them, these demons, and while my legs fight to keep moving forward my mind tries to justify quitting now...4 miles before my scheduled 10 miler is supposed to end. I want to throw up or throw in the towel...or both.

Photo: source

I'm sitting at my computer, the cursor blinking at me, tauntingly. I am working on a story to submit to an online journal...except the story won't come and so the demons start their chant. "You're not a writer"..."They will reject your story and tell you never to submit again"..."You're going to fail"..."Just quit already". I start to believe them and I close my page thinking I'll just check Facebook or my email for a bit...maybe read some blogs for some inspiration.

“Being a writer is a very peculiar sort of a job: it's always you versus a blank sheet of paper (or a blank screen) and quite often the blank piece of paper wins.” ~ Neil Gaiman

These little bastards have an insatiable appetite devouring my best intentions and gulping down my self-esteem like a college kid doing a keg stand. And it seems they have made themselves at home somewhere in my psyche. Squatters...because they don't even pay rent.

I have a wonderful friend, Heidi, who always tells me how good I am at everything I do. I have a love/hate relationship with compliments. On one hand they are a welcome surprise because I often feel no one notices and it's nice to be noticed {sometimes} but on the other hand I feel like an impostor. There's no way those words can be used to describe me...obviously I have her fooled. I think, 'perhaps to satisfy my own Ego I have exaggerated my activities a bit?'...because, as the demons point out, I am not worthy of such praise.

When my father died 2 years ago from a head-on automobile accident, I came across a journal he had started. Although I felt like a was betraying him to read his words...words he intended only for his own eyes, I also felt that I needed  to read them. I needed a connection, I needed an explanation, I needed to hear something, anything from him.

My dad in 1952, he was 5 years old.

In that little book I read about my father's own insecurities. I read that his biggest disappointment wasn't me {as most children of alcoholics might feel at times} but himself. This coming from the man I thought was brilliant...having earned a Master's Degree after dropping out of school in the 8th grade. Yet here were his words...echoing my own demons, saying how much he hated his lips {which were beautiful and full...the same lips he passed down to me} and felt that he had disappointed his family and failed in his career.

At any given time I am questioning my ability or dismissing my accomplishments. And while it's possible I inherited this trait from my father, who got from his father, who probably got it from his father it is time to stop...to end the madness. It's time I own my accomplishments, no matter how small or insignificant they may first appear, because they are born of my sweat, blood and tears...they are what make up my life.

Life can be hard, we never know what's going to happen in the next 5 years or the next 5 minutes. Success can be hard, things that come easy...that don't scare the hell out of us or test our limits or make us question our sanity aren't the things that have the ability to change our lives or perspective. I've questioned my sanity AND my limits during a Hot Yoga class...it reduced me to tears, not just because of the physical aspect but the emotional one as well.

Running is hard. Running a marathon is really hard. It should be...only 1% of the population has done it. Writing is hard and the world is full of critics. It exposes us in a way that scares us. It's worse than being naked because it's reveals our true soul...not just the flesh and blood.

 “A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. ” ~Thomas Mann

This from my friend Lauren, sent to my FB wall just today.

This from the Crazies' Manifesto at Rebelle Epoque.

As I was finishing up this post, a friend of mine (a fellow runner) posted this on Facebook, which couldn't have been more timely:

Running isn’t a sport for pretty boys...it’s about the sweat in your hair & the blisters on your feet. It’s the frozen spit on your chin & the nausea in your gut. It’s about throbbing calves & cramps at midnight that are strong enough to wake the dead. It’s about getting out the door & running even when the rest of the world is only dreaming about having the passion that you need to live each & every day with. It’s about being on a lonely road & running like a champion even when there’s not a soul in sight to cheer you on. Running is about having the desire to train & persevere until every fiber in your legs, mind & heart is turned to steel. And when you’ve finally forged hard enough, you will have become the best runner that you can be. And that’s all you can ask for.

 ~ Paul Maurer (The Gift - A Runner's Story)

Puttin' the Cotton Pony out to pasture...

This was like my Bible as a young girl.

Sometimes I look back on my pre-teen days...that innocent time when life was so carefree and it never really crossed my mind that boys and girls were really any different until Judy Bloom was introduced to me in the form of "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret" and I started to hope and wish for, of all things, my period...and then I wonder what the hell I was thinking. Honestly, I thought it would be magical...some kind of passage into womanhood in which I would instantly transform from a goofy, bi-focal wearing tomboy into a glamorous, long haired, long legged undiscovered supermodel.



Source
This isn't me but, being a gymnast back in the day, it might as well be. Not knowing how to handle my periods without pads (which seems to be this girl's problem as well) was the main reason I quit.

Boy was I in for a surprise. At age 12 I got my wish and, being terrified of tampons, I suffered pure and utter embarrassment in Junior High as I had 'accidents' so frequently that part of my 'fashion style' was walking around with my Member's Only jacket tied around my waist. In a short span of time I felt I had gone from diapers to...well, 'woman' diapers, since back in the early 80's maxi pads were just that...MAXI. We didn't have the luxury of space-aged absorbent material and 'wings' that are available today, making even the most absorbent pads as thin as a panty-liner. No, ours were only slightly smaller then Pampers, unless you used 'overnights' which I believe had to be delivered by a semi-truck.

At age 41, I have spent the last 29 years....348 monthly trips to the Cotton Festival...or roughly 2436 days with a wad of cotton (and synthetic materials) shoved in to or on my crotch. I managed to graduate to tampons but never felt confident enough to wear them sans pads most of the time. So, the old budget suffered as much as my bottom, which I admit, was prone to the occasional  'diaper' rash. If you don't know let me tell you, the whole tampon/maxi pad/panty liner business is a HUGE pain in my...er...ass?


Source

So, when Tina P of For the Love of the Run was looking for blogger volunteers to participate in the Instead Softcup Challenge I applied for a spot just as quickly as my fat fingers would type.

The Instead Softcup is an alternative to tampons with no know risk of TSS (toxic shock syndrome<--that's some bad stuff there). For someone like me...a lazy athlete with a heavy flow, this was the most appealing part of trying the Softcup. It never fails...at a big race (preferably and half or full marathon) I will inevitably start my period just in time for said event (see San Diego Marathon, Tough Mudder Norcal and Rock N Reno Half Marathon...so far).

As I have gotten older, my flow has gotten heavier and I've even experienced a few 'accidents' in the past year. Now, like pre-adolescent me...40+ year old me is hoping and wishing for menopause!! I generally have 2 days where I pretty much feel like I can't go anywhere because I need to have access to a bathroom immediately, just in case.

This past cycle, which made it's surprise appearance on the morning of my last half marathon, was the testing grounds for my new Instead Softcups. Now, these may look a little intimidating because you will think 'wow, these are kinda big...how in earth will the fit inside of me?'...well, do not fear, you just squeeze the ring together and wa-la, they are no bigger then a tampon.

Source

Getting them into the right position takes some practice (it took me 4 tries, which actually became quite comical, especially since I was so excited to try these that I told my husband all about how they work and he was waiting for the verdict). I confess, I DID wear a pad the first 2 days I used the Softcup because #1 I didn't trust myself to have placed it correctly and #2 as I've stated, my flow can be very heavy and I was afraid that NOTHING could hold it back. Let me tell you, once placed correctly, not only do they keep fluids in the right place (i.e. NOT in your pants) but you can't even feel them! I don't know about you but I've had tampons dry my innards up so much that removing them was more painful then having a tooth drilled on without Novocaine!

Okay, so that leads me to the removal. It's easy. There is nothing to be afraid of...your body won't 'eat' your Softcup, nor will it require a trip to the E.R. to have the jaws of life help remove it. Just bear down a little so you can feel the little rim. Pull gently and there you have it...a little cupful of you own blood. Right, so, that part is a little odd because you might be sitting there on the pot thinking...'ummmkay...now what'?!? Dump it out, wrap it in toilet paper, put it in the wrapper of your next Softcup and then go wash your hands.

Here's my honest opinion on the Instead Softcup based on my experience:

Pros

1- Easier to use then tampons. Once you learn how to insert them it's a piece of cake.
2- Ability to wear for extended periods of time. Instead Softcups can be worn for up to 12 hours at a time (for heavier flow you may need to change them more frequently but I seemed to do fine at 10-12 hours). This is great for someone like me, who often has to change tampons every 2 hours...which is not so convenient when running or hiking for 4 or more hours at a time. Also, there appears to be no danger of wearing them longer should you forget to change it.
3- Cleaner feeling, which probably comes from the blood being 'sealed' in the body and not sitting on a pad exposed to air. Also, there is no string hanging out of your body letting things go up or come down all willy-nilly.

4- Comfortable. In all areas the Softcup wins hands-down. From insertion to removal to walking around or sleeping...running, biking, shopping...it's like you aren't wearing anything. I've had experiences with tampons where they have managed to work their way down (or perhaps expanded) to the point that sitting on a bicycle seat made me feel violated.
5- Economical. You can get the Instead Softcup for about $5 per 14 count box. On the surface that may seem like a lot but remember, you can wear these for 12 hours. So depending on your own body you may only need 8 of them per cycle. Compare that to what I was doing prior-pads and tampons at the same time, especially if you are using the 'healthier' all cotton, unbleached tampons which are even more expensive then the average brand-and I'm practically making money!!


Cons

1- Can be inconvenient if you need to change while you are out. No lie, these can be a bit messy. There are ways to eliminate the mess (like changing prior to leaving your house for an event or stashing latex gloves in your purse and just turning them inside out once you pull the Softcup out) but you ARE going to be inserting your fingers into your hoohah which may then leave them covered in blood. You need to have access to a sink to clean up and you need to be careful when tossing the used cup as a little accidental drip on your friend's white rug under the toilet will be noticeable.
Pro/Con

There is still plastic waste. Trying to live green is a constant battle. It's hard enough sometimes to find tampons with cardboard applicators or to opt for non-applicator ones if you want to avoid the mess but you know that every month you are adding more waste to the landfills. Between the boxes or bags, the outer wrapper, the applicator or peel off panels on pads, and then disposing of all the above, there is a lot of waste. There are some hard core greenies out there that have reusable pads (which are washable) but I am not ready to take that big of a step, after all I live in an RV with no washer or dryer so no,  I won't be hanging my reusable cotton maxi-pads on the awning to dry. On the plus side...you use less of the Softcups then you would tampons and/or pads, therefore you can at least make your footprint smaller.
Note: Instead Softcup does offer a reusable cup which can be used for one entire cycle. That might be an option for those greenies looking for the least wasteful way to tame the flow. The company claims up to a 95% reduction in menstrual waste when using the Instead Softcup reusable cup, and that is pretty awesome.

I am a convert and I encourage all women who still menstruate to give these a try, especially those who are active or feel they need extra protection due to heavy flows. The website (and other reviewers) have mentioned being comfortable while swimming, gymnastics (if only these were around when I was little!!), and even during sex.  I wore mine with no problems for running, core exercises (including about a gazillion crunches), strength training and during my heaviest flow days.

I believe that over time, these will become easier for me to use and any inconveniences can be overcome...after all, even tampons and pads can be inconvenient (ever been at some one's house and had to change your pad only to discover that their French Bulldog LOVES to rummage through the garbage and eat maxi pads like a they haven't been fed in a week while you're trying to look like you have no idea how THAT got into the garbage?...No? Um, me neither).

So when the Cotton Festival comes to your town, check out the Instead Softcup and see how it measures up for yourself. I'm sure you will be pleasantly surprised!!



 I received one or more of the products mentioned in this blog for free to review. Regardless, these opinions are 100% mine.

Ever have a run that makes you want to quit???

It's funny how freeing up my schedule by working mostly from home has left me feeling I have no time for blogging. While I admit I have been busy with the logistics of functioning out of an RV "office" and amping up my training for this years racing events, I also found myself falling into the procrastination trap yet again. I want to write but allow my fears to stop me...I also want to catch up with fellow bloggers which begins to compound my problem with "where to start"? I am overwhelmed into inaction.

My 'office' aboard the Mutiny (our 32 foot Winnebago RV).

So, here I am, attempting to break the cycle. And what better way then to tell you about my last race, the Rock n' River Reno Half-Marathon that I {kinda} ran with fellow blogger and Tweet-buddy, Kirsten of Living In a Girl's World and new friend, Beci from Wild Child Gone Good.

There's something to be said for away races...one where you can drive up a day early, spend quality time with girlfriends, actually make it to a packet pickup that isn't the same day as the race, and enjoy the evening unwinding and carb-loading with like minded individuals.

Packing the 'essentials'.

 I made it to Kirsten's house outside of Reno at about noon. Let me tell you, a 3 hour road trip through the best part of Highway 50 seems to go by pretty fast even when you're driving alone. It's such a beautiful area and a great time of year to head up to the Sierras. I stopped for gas once and then at the Pacific Crest Trail and Tahoe Rim Trail(and yes, I actually walked on them so it counts).



Pacific Crest Trail and Tahoe Rim Trail...oh how I would love to really hike these!

After arriving at Kirsten's we headed to Scheel's in Sparks/Reno for the race expo, which really kinda turned into a scavenger hunt to find our bibs and t-shirts. The expo was pretty much non-existent but I was pretty happy that Whole Foods was there giving away trail mix {yum}.

Goonie Gugu's do exist, at least at Scheel's!

Rock n River Reno Half-Marathon

Fast forward to race morning...32 degrees and all I packed to run in were my shorts and new tank top. Uh, how could I forget that it gets cold at 4500 feet in the mountains?!?! I ended up wearing an old cotton Old Navy long sleeved t-shirt that I could toss if need be but I was still freezing!

Yep, this is really from race morning.

I planned to run the Half even though my longest run (since last year's marathon training) was 7 miles...and even that was 'hard'. I had considered dropping down to the 10K because of the lack of training and also since I wasn't sure if the altitude would have any effect on me. But, being my stubborn self, I opted to stay in the half, justifying the decision because I had run a full after all...never mind that it was 11 months ago!!

The race gun went off at 7am and Kirsten and I ran together for the first 3 or so miles setting a pretty quick pace (for me) of 9:30 (if I remember correctly). Now, I knew I probably couldn't keep that pace up without a few walk breaks so I told Kirsten to go ahead without me. That was probably the smartest thing I did the entire race.

By mile 5 I seriously thought I needed to quit. I had made a BIG mistake and was sure I was going to die. There was no way I could finish...not even by walking. I was holding back tears of anger and humiliation. I am not a quitter, I am very competitive with myself and all I could think was "I am not a runner", "This isn't the hobby for me", "I am never going to run again...I'm just going to give up and get fat".

I was looking for an aid station and wondering if the volunteer blocking traffic would call an ambulance for me. Since there was no where to catch a ride back I suddenly found myself at mile 6 and running got a little bit easier. I was able to catch my breath and even caught myself smiling and waving at the volunteers and police officers I passed along the course.

I paced myself with a few other runners to force myself to slow down a bit. Part of my problem is that I am so programmed to run a 9:40-10:00 minute mile that I have trouble forcing myself to run slower...it's either run at 6mph or walk. Thank goodness for those other runners who didn't mind me 'dafting' off of them!!

Mile 10...still going strong when a calf cramp hit me. Now, I haven't had a calf cramp in over a year and that was during a 20 mile run so it was devastating to get hit with this at mile 10. The water station I came across was out of Gatorade...eeek! But I still had a few sips of coconut water in my hydration pack (but I hadn't added salt....boo). I was able to stretch a little and started running again. Mile 11-12 I had a few more cramps but was able to find some Gatorade and I downed a few Sports Beans.

With that in my system I was able to run the last 1.1 miles...and even add a little kick down the strip to the finish. To my surprise and delight I was able to cross the finish line at just under 2:30 (2:29:38 to be exact)! For the lack of training, altitude and cramping I think I did alright. Best of all...Beki and Kirsten were at the finish line cheering me on!

Kirsten, me and Beki with our medals!!

After we got our finisher's medals we headed off for some Starbucks and a ginormous breakfast at one of Kirsten's favorite spots, The Cracker Box. Yummy deliciousness! All this followed by a 3 hour drive home made for a tired girl.

I stopped in Pollock Pines to get a second Starbucks (did I mention I was tired) and this is what was outside the grocery store.

That was some good food, good times, great company but a HARD race. It really made me think about what I was doing with my training and what goals I had for myself. I love the thrill of the race (especially when it's over) and I love registering for races so I can use them as motivation...but I hate when I have such a bad run that I want to hang up my running shoes forever.

So, what did I do? I registered for the Davis Moo-nlight Half Marathon in June and hired a running coach...Much more of that to come later.

Is It Karma?

Last year I ran my first marathon ever, Rock n' Roll San Diego, with the help of Team in Training. It was, for the most part, a great experience. Don't get me wrong, I was terrified of the fund-raising part and often thought that I would have to change to the half-marathon after a handful of really bad long runs. But, in the end, I exceeding my fund-raising goal and finished all 26.2 miles.

I'm a marathoner!!

After San Diego I continued to run but not with the same zeal...I no longer had buddy-runs to show up to or group long runs already mapped out which included water stops. It was just me...and my excuses. The first being that I needed to recover from the marathon and the second that I NEVER wanted to do that distance again.

I had managed to lose a lot of the "speed" I once had. With all of those long runs I tried to relieve some of the pressure by allowing myself to run slower. I've never been fast...but I was certainly quite a bit faster then I was finding myself once I started running again. For me, my slowness became a de-motivator. I gave myself a pity-party...which lasted several months.

This spring I finally got the urge back...an actual desire to run again. It's been a slow process working up from about 3 mile 'long' runs to about 5 now but I've been working on getting some speed back as I increase my distance. By incorporating plyometrics and weights I feel that I'm better balanced than when I trained for the marathon (last year I actually had an increase in body fat which is not atypical of endurance athletes) and, until now, I've remained injury free.

My cool finisher's medal!

Which brings me to today. The smell of Tiger Balm drifts up from my knee and a steady stream of Ibuprofen (mixed with a lovely glass of Pinot) is hopefully helping with any internal swelling. A week ago Saturday (Mar 31) I ran a trail 10K put on by my favorite racing group, Brazen Racing. I wanted to use this a jumping off point for more racing this year, my last season in this area, and since it was local and had a cool finisher's medal I was stoked about the race and never even worried about the distance.

Well, it wasn't the distance that was the problem...it was when the sky opened up and the bottom fell out. We were standing in the starting corral counting down the last few seconds before the start when Mother Nature decided to make this race very challenging (comparable to Tough Mudder). The first 2.5 miles were road and gravel...the rest was almost all single track cow trails.

I don't know why I'm looking at that guy all crazy.

Finish by any means necessary!

I don't know how else to explain the conditions other than imaging running on a Slip-n-Slide while it's raining. Running uphill was all but impossible since, with every step, we were actually sliding back down the hill. Most of us attempted to run on the side of the hills in whatever grass we could find so we had some kind of traction. I fell once...it was as I was trying to pass a guy pushing a stroller.  A STROLLER...in a downpour, on the side of a mountain, in the mud, on a cow trail that now resembled a river!


I wasn't kidding.

A big portion of the 10K course was like this.



And I wasn't the only one to fall!

But that wasn't even when I felt the first pains...it was when I finally got the chance to run all out. It was still pouring down (and cold) so I was sprinting to the finish to just get it all over with when about 100 yards from the finish I felt it...a sharp pain behind my right knee-cap. I quickly forgot about the pain when I spotted my good friend, and TNT running partner, Coleen at the finish. What a great surprise!!

Me (left) and Coleen (right) this past summer during a long run.

After changing into the dry clothes and sipping on the Soy Vanilla Latte she brought me (did I mention how awesome she is??) I completely forgot about my knee. But a week later the pain is still there. I even ran on Friday to test it out and while I felt fine running I am in pain now whenever I go up or down the stairs.

It's bad Karma I'm sure. You see, I had applied to be a Mentor for the fall season for our Team in Training Marathon team and got the position. But in the meantime I had decided that I wanted to run for me this race season (since it's my last). I didn't want to sacrifice my own running to help my mentees out so I declined the position. And then this happened.

3rd Place (age group)...makes me smile!

In the end I found out that I placed 3rd in my age group. And even though I am recovering from my first injury in a very long time, I am sticking to my guns and running this season for me. I'm 41...I don't know how much longer I can do this and I still have some goals I'd like to reach. In the meantime, I'll still volunteer to help my TNT group out by doing water stops for them...that ought to satisfy the Karma Police.

Taper Week Still Sucks A$$...

It is Taper Week once again (I have the Davis Moo-nlight 1/2 Marathon this Saturday night) and it is driving me crazy.  Partly due to the fact that I had already taken 8 days off after pulling something in my lower back while doing housework but also because I started reading Racing Weight by Matt Fitzgerald and am now all amped up to get this body fat 'issue' resolved.

It sometimes seems as if I get the best spurts of 'motivation' when I can't (shouldn't) exercise...I feel like a kid whose been told "No" only to have that spark my desire to 'it' even more.  If only I could bottle this feeling and sell it!  But, instead, I am trying to channel this restlessness into other things, like actually posting in my blog {okay, and maybe a little housework}.

I noticed recently that I started falling into my modus operandi...staying really busy but not getting much done.  Oh, I've been having fun with #runchat and #fitblog, meeting new people and checking out new blogs {Hi new friends!!!}.  But I've also READ more about training than I've actually trained!

What have I actually accomplished??  Well, I DO have my complete marathon training plan ready and loaded into my Google calendar (with reminders).  I also have the FULL 90 days of P90X in the calendar (although I'm about 3 weeks behind due to the above mentioned injury) but will need to update this now that I'm back in action.  {Needless to say it gets really, really annoying when my phone reminder goes off and I am in no way, shape or form gonna make my workout...like this past Saturday when I was in Sonoma at a star-studded wedding with free wine}.

The best wedding idea ever...funny photo booth...we made scrapbook pages for the Bride & Groom right there from duplicates!!

And while I've been really good about getting my required miles in, I have failed to actually go outside and hit some hills and trails as I had originally planned in preparation for the Tough Mudder in September.

My Tough Mudder shirt...watch out whiners!!

I am really hoping that this half-marathon be a springboard for the remainder of my summer training.  I am eager to get on-board with some hill and trail running as well as more kettle bells and P90X.  Reading the Racing Weight book has also helped to focus my attention on over-all fitness goals rather then a "weight" goal, after all, I've seen a lot of 'skinny' people who have a lot of body fat and are no healthier (or even less healthy) than a person who weighs more.