Which of these things does not belong...

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As I sit here nursing a sore back, unable to run or P90X or even do core work, I thought I'd take the time to write about a topic that Ellen {love her} at Fat Girl Wearing Thin addressed the other day {please read it right now but don't forget to come back!}.  She is an amazing writer so I fear I won't do the topic justice, but with her encouragement, and my desire to write about my own experiences, I am taking the leap.

Ellen spoke about the "after" of weight loss, that basically once one reaches their 'goal weight' it is extremely hard to find a group of supportive people who can help one STAY at their goal weight.  For many, losing weight isn't the end-all be-all.  It's can be a very slippery slope and not some magical event that means one never has to worry about calories or workouts ever again {sorry to burst anyone's bubble, I thought the same thing when I grew my hair out, that somehow I would know how to french braid...but I don't}.  Well, for me, it was more like being pushed out of the nest.

My original support group came from a weight-loss website where I posted in several different forums.  We would bounce ideas, recipes, work outs, motivation, inspiration, and tips off of each other and often had 'challenges' to keep each other accountable.  I lost about 15 pounds all the while posting on this site.  It was wonderful to have the support and encouragement from so many others.  In return I also posted and answered questions, provided motivation (I think) and cheered for the other members.

Then something weird happened.  I started getting strange replies.  If I offered encouragement I would get comments back like "Easy for you to say, you're already thin" *{but I wasn't before}.  If I gave some ideas to control binging I'd get back "you just don't understand food obsession" {umm, I spent every waking moment obsessed with food when I was anorexic and then started binge eating and doubled my body weight in an unhealthy amount of time}.  At one point a fellow member told me I was lucky to have been anorexic and she wished she could be too just to be thin.  If you don't learn ANYTHING else from the ramblings in my blog please understand that you should NEVER, under ANY circumstances, say this to someone...okay?? Okay.

Let me say, I made several friends on this site and while they DID provide support I decided it was better to get off of the site and take those friendships to Facebook {Sheri ♥}.  Perhaps I internalized the replies I was getting rather then letting them roll off of my back and assume the other person was just 'hurting' and needed to vent {read: lash out}.  But the comments were hurting me as well.  It's not like a person loses weight and somehow their self-esteem is through the roof and we become so self-confident that words can no longer hurt us.  For the most part, many of us are the SAME people we were when we were heavier.

It's extremely discouraging to feel so displaced.  There's still that chubby girl inside, which for me is amplified by the fact that I used to be so thin when I was anorexic.  I mean, I sometimes wonder how I can be the same person...the girl who all but stopped eating and went from 127 pound to 84 pounds in about 3 months AND the one who started binging and went from 84 pounds to 165+ pounds in about 6 months AND the one who STILL struggles to keep her weight down to this day.

I often feel there is no 'support group' for me...except of course the blog/twitter world {which I love dearly}.  Of the recovered anorexics I've met most are just the opposite of me...very thin and often fighting the urge to NOT slip back to those days.  As Ellen stated in her post, there aren't really any groups to support 'maintainers' due to the lack of celebratory milestones.  And, from what I have found, I don't often find my insights and opinion welcome with the still losing group...perhaps I come across as too "tough love"...but I certainly don't think it's fair for me to be judged as not empathetic or able to relate simply because I look 'skinny' in my avatar.  And, at times, I don't feel that I fit in with the "normal" people...you know, the ones who eat when they are hungry, eat what they like and stop when they are full...they can self-regulate without guilt and generally maintain a healthy weight while making it look effortless.

I realize that on some level, I am overly sensitive on the whole weight subject.  When my 'normal' friends offer me something I deem as unhealthy or fattening they aren't being mean.  And when they tease me about ordering a Skinny Margarita and salad with dressing on the side it's probably more of a compliment then a put-down.  I shouldn't be as judgmental about their intensions as I felt the 'weight loss website' people were being about me.

I suppose I need to re-read what I closed with in my comment on Ellen's post:

"For me, it really boils down to finding a definition for myself that is outside of ‘dieter’ or ‘former fat chick’. I’m neither of those now, and it probably would have been healthier for me to have NEVER identified myself as those things before but in other terms…daughter, hard worker, runner, horseback rider, girlfriend, awesome friend, cool chick =), etc.

There are tons of benefits maintaining a healthy weight and for some of us it will be hard work, forever. But, for me personally, the more I develop other areas of my life and create happiness in all of the big AND small things, the more I can relinquish my old mentality that keeps me trapped in that one dimensional dieter’s plane."

*Even though I personally would like to lose a few more pounds I am within a healthy range and, for the most part, don't obsess about my weight.  Note that having been anorexic, THIS is a huge accomplishment.

Still learning...

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This past week I hit a road block in my training (and eating).  I know, I know...it's so early into the new training schedule to fall off the wagon now but I 'kinda' have a good excuse (and if not, I DID learn something).  The BF and I had a HUGE yard sale this past weekend and much of the week leading up to it was spent preparing for the big day.  A lot of purging, organizing, agonizing (what to keep, what to sell, how much to sell it for), and time spent on our feet lead to much less time running or P90Xing.


While I did manage to get a few runs in I am still a little behind on my desired mileage.  I am also almost a week behind on P90X workouts.  What I found is that it is much easier for me to workout on the days I also work (or more precisely, the days the BF and I both work and don't really have any time together).  When the BF and I are off together I can't seem to manage my time very well, opting to spend most of it with him even if we aren't really doing anything (ie. watching movies, catching up on TV shows we recorded, etc.).  This does not say much for my training ethics.  After all, I proclaim that my training is very important to me.

These bitchz be crazy...but like a train wreck, I can't stop watching!!

{Seriously, I might need a 12 step program to stop watching the Real Housewives...I went for YEARS without TV...I was one of those "Kill Your TV" people...but now that I live with the BF, who has EVERY channel imaginable, I find myself almost hypnotized.  I am so ashamed!!}


As I have always told myself, once you identify the problem then finding the solution is easy (and expected).   I can do this.  I want to do this...so I will make it happen.  I'm not going to beat myself up over this past week...and honestly, there were 2 days I was on my feet so much that I don't feel bad for missing a workout...but I am going to take more time planning my workouts and getting up early if need be to stay on track.

Balance
{from my trip to Death Valley}

So, while I learn the all important aspects of balancing work, friends, blogging, running, weight training, boyfriend time, relaxation, house keeping, and everything else life has to offer I have figured out that every once in a while I just need to do a self-check.  If I am venturing too far off path I can redirect my efforts or re-evaluate my goals and steer myself to the most worthwhile areas of my life.

Does anyone have any tips on fitting it 'all' in?  I recently started using Google Calendar to set reminders, are there any other tools you would recommend?

I want my Shake Weight!

And and now a brief message to plug my business...

I know what you're thinking. Why doesn't Beachbody carry the Shake Weight and why hasn't Tony Horton come up with a multi-DVD workout yet??  All I can do is offer to forward your concerns and wish list to the powers that be at the Beachbody Headquarters.

In the meantime, I CAN let you know that Beachbody is waiving the {nominal} start up fee for Active Duty Military (or their spouse) to sign up as a bonified Beachbody Coach.  And seeing as how I am a Beachbody Coach, that means I can help you do this!!

The other thing I can do is add you to my list of customers who are DYING for P90X2 to be released some time this fall, and make sure you get your hands on your very own copy.  Of course, if, in the meantime, you need ANY other products (DVD's or Shakeology)...well, don't you worry, I can get those to you ASAP.

Just be sure to visit my Beachbody websites or message me or comment or tweet, etc.  Yes, tomorrow IS the first day of summer, but it's never too late to get started on that beach body!

Back to {marathon} School...

After finishing my first marathon, and registering for my second (obviously before reality set in), I've decided to give the Hansons-Brooks training plan a shot.  I trained for the Rock n Roll San Diego 2011 Marathon with Team in Training and not only was I able to complete my first marathon but also made some great friends, learned about Leukemia and Lymphoma, raised over $3100 for LLS, and had a life changing experience.  I would highly recommend TNT to everyone...they have other events including half-marathons, century bike rides, triathlons and hiking events.  If you aren't inclined to these activities, there are many support rolls as well.

Team Solano at the San Diego Rock n Roll Marathon

That being said, as much as I wanted to come back to TNT as a Mentor for summer season, I promised to take a few months off from the time commitments so that the BF and I could travel and go camping.  So, even though I STILL have dedicate time to training for both the Tough Mudder in September AND the Nike Women's Marathon in October, my schedule will be flexible enough to allow plenty of summer fun.

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That's where the Hansons-Brooks plan comes in...you see, there are no super long runs.  Most "long" runs in the plan are 10 miles and none go over 16 miles.  In the recent past my training schedule has consisted of one Buddy Run of 1.5 hours, one track day lasting 1 hour, and one long run day which, with travel, lasted half the day on every Saturday.  Personally, I think I need to run more frequently.  That doesn't necessarily mean longer runs...but definitely more often if I want to improve my times and set a half and full marathon PR.

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I've been doing a lot of research, from the Cross-Fit Endurance plans with minimal running to the Lydiard Plan with several 20+ mile long runs and, based on my goals (and admiration for the Brooks runners), I have made my decision.  I admit that I AM a cardio junkie but I also need to get lean and gain some upper body strength for the upcoming Tough Mudder race in September.

So, the catch here is that I will be incorporating the P90X workout along with my running.  It will be a fine balance of running and cross-training, mostly including double workouts daily.  My health will be of utmost importance and I will need to pay better attention to my diet and to the signals my body gives me.  I cannot risk injury or illness at this point.  And, to be honest, I really want to put my training and nutrition to the test, so to speak.

I am very committed to my training plan and have it all laid out in my Google Calendar.  Next I will be refocusing on my nutrition.  I plan on following Brendan Brazier's Thrive Diet, as I've mentioned before, eating mostly vegan.  My only "planned" deviation will be Shakeology, which I will start using as soon as it arrives in the mail.  However, I will be getting back into making the Thrive Energy Bars, Recovery Pudding, Energy Pudding and gels.  I'm looking into some of the Vega products (Brazier's company) so that I can have some quick and portable energy foods to keep me from sabotaging myself when I don't have time to make my own.

It's got glow in dark medals...woohoo!

Just for good measure, I've registered for the Davis Moo-nlight Half-Marathon in July.  It will be a great opportunity to measure my progress and tweak things (if need be) before Nike.


This training plan is taken from the Running Times article found here.

S.O.S. Something of Substance Training
Week	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
1					6	6	6
2	8	6	Speed	Off	3 or 6	Off or 6	3 or 6
3	4 or 8	Off or 6	2 or Speed	Off	3 or 6	3 or 6	3 or 6
4	4 or 8	Off or 6	4 or Speed	Off	4 or MP 6*	4 or 7	4 or 6
5	5 or 10	Off or 6	5 or Speed	Off	3 or MP 6	3 or 6	5 or 8
6	5 or 8	Off or 6	5 or Speed	Off	4 or MP 6	5 or 7	4 or 6
7	6 or 12	4 or 6	Speed	Off	MP 5 or 7	4 or 6	8 or 10
8	8	4 or 6	Speed	Off	MP 5 or 7	4 or 7	6 or 8
9	10 or 14	6	Speed	Off	MP 5 or 7	5 or 6	6 or 10
10	10	5 or 8	Speed	Off	MP 6 or 8	6 or 7	5 or 8
11	15	6	Speed	Off	MP 8	5 or 6	8 or 10
12	10	5 or 8	Strength	Off	MP 8	6 or 7	8
13	16	5 or 6	Strength	Off	MP 9	5 or 6	8 or 10
14	10	7 or 8	Strength	Off	MP 9	6 or 7	6 or 8
15	16	5 or 6	Strength	Off	MP 9	5 or 6	8 or 10
16	10	7 or 8	Strength	Off	MP 10	6 or 7	6 or 8
17	16	5 or 6	Strength	Off	MP 10	5 or 6	8 or 10
18	10	7 or 8	Strength	Off	MP 10	6 or 7	6 or 8
19	8	5 or 6	5	Off	6	5 or 6	3
20	Marathon
____________________________ *MP=Marathon Pace Beginners start Thursday of week 2, and use the first workout listed for a particular day, or the lower end of the mileage range. All distances are listed in miles. Do you stick to any particular training plan or nutrition plan before a race?  Have you ever considered doing something like Team in Training to help you reach your goals? Something cool...I know how important it is to have a gear bag ready when running/training/going to the gym.  It can make or break a workout, especially when you realize that you've forgotten something important like socks.  Check out these amazing gear bags and a GIVEAWAY from Live Well 360.

Losing my Marathon Virginity (or San Diego Rock n Roll Marathon Recap Part 2)

My Mentor and teammates surprised me with door decorations! (I look tired but feel great!)

Coleen and I decorating our singlets.

There were 3 of us sleeping in the hotel room the night before the race so at 3:25, 3:30 and 3:35 am we had alarms buzzing pretty much non-stop.  I had slept like a rock (I love squishy hotel beds with fluffy pillows and comforters) and didn't feel tired at all upon waking.  We all got up and quickly got dressed.  I had a banana and Honey Stinger Energy Bar before heading to the lobby to meet up with the rest of the team.  Unfortunately, this is not my traditional pre-run meal, but having traveled to San Diego via RV and then packing again to stay in the hotel did not offer me the luxury of packing the Vitamix blender, dates, frozen bananas, cocoa powder, agave and everything else necessary for my normal meals.  I need to plan better for sure.

The Solano Team

On the Shuttle.

We had about 200 Team in Training teammates waiting in line for the shuttle at 4:30am.  The race had an official start time of 6:15am so it was important to get there early before all of the roads shut down.  Plus that gave us time to check gear bags, use the port-o-potties (twice) and get warmed up.  The first thing I need to keep in mind for my next marathon is that it's not the best idea to be on your feet from 3:30am to 6:45am when our corral finally got to the start line.  It can make for some tired a$$ legs before you even take one step running!!

Solano Team waiting for the start!

My running partner, Coleen, and I had made a plan pre-race to run 9:1 intervals and to try to maintain a pace of 10:00-11:15 minute miles.  We also had a plan to finish together unless, God-forbid, one of us had to officially drop out of the race.  It's important to think of these things before you are faced with a decision out on the course and leave someone butt-hurt on accident.

By the time we started running we felt so good we didn't want to stick to our intervals, but as John "The Penguin Bingham warned us the night before, one in three of us would do something really stupid on race day...so stick with the plan and don't change anything!!  At mile 2 I had to pee so bad and visit the medical station due to a female emergency (thanks for that Mother Nature), I swear we lost 15 minutes just waiting for a port-o-potty.

Still, by the time we hit our 10K split and even the Half-Marathon mark we held a pretty decent pace.

But then things took a turn for the worse.  My poor friend was having some intestinal issues which was leaving her pretty dehydrated.  And at some point she suffered a hip-flexor strain.  We stopped at the medical station where she attempted to tape up her groin.  And we had another trip to the port-o-potty...at least 25 minutes slipped away.  We watched as the 4:30 pace runner disappeared...then the 4:45 runner.  Yet we continued on...finishing was the only important thing now.

My running partner, Coleen.

The course was beautiful and it amazed me that they could close so many roads and freeways in San Diego to let us run our marathon.  Bands were playing at mile intervals and the water stations were laid out well, usually with water and Cytomax on both sides of the road.  There was even Vaseline and sunscreen available along the way!!

I can't add pictures from the race due to copyright rules but I can include a link that will hopefully work until I can get my own copies to share: Action Sports International - www.asiorders.com

At about mile 17 things were not going well for Coleen and her guts.  One of the TNT coaches (there were tons of them all along the course cheering us on and helping runners) walked with us and tried to help Coleen work through some cramping.  We had another long break at the next water/bathroom station and then headed back out.  Somewhere around mile 21 I was waiting for Coleen, doing some stretching (my hamstrings were like cannon balls) when I saw 2 guys on the course handing out Dixie cups of beer and Bloody Marys...HELLO!!!  I mean, we weren't going to be setting any PR's on this race so why the hell not?!?!?  Excitedly, Coleen and I grabbed a Bloody Mary each and then she proceeded to down 3 {small} beers to top it off.  These were life savers for her!!!

Although the pain from the hip-flexor strain was making it almost impossible for her to run, we persevered.  She was so sweet, telling me to just go ahead and finish without her but I couldn't imagine crossing that finish line without her.  I came into this marathon with no expectations and a lot of self-doubt.  There were times during my long runs (16+ miles) that I didn't know if would actually be able to finish a marathon so I had tried not to place too much emphasis on time.  Sure, everyone wants to run fast and finish in some arbitrary time that makes them feel good...but we made a pact and I was not about to ditch her...some times time just stops being important.

About 1/4 mile from the finish, surrounded by Team in Training coaches, runners and mentors we started running.  We could hear the crowd and the band and people were lined up on both sides of the road.  I practically broke down crying.

Crossing together!!

Seeing my boyfriend and friend, Ashley.

We crossed that finish line together.  It took us 5 hours 55 minutes and 5 seconds.  I don't regret a thing...we are both marathoners now and closer friends for having been through every mile of it together.

Teammates and friends...to the end. This is what Coleen wrote on my Facebook wall: 

"So there is this women, Lynn Weber who had this rock star training all season. I was paired with her in February for a run and we just kind of stayed together all season. Week after week we PR'd. She took great care of herself and was heading toward an awesome first marathon time. We stared off steady and strong the morning of our event. Then I began the worst run of my life. An hour worth of bathroom breaks later I am unable to run and have to walk the last 3 miles. I told her over and over to go for it. But she stayed with me even when I couldnt run. She said crossing the finish line with me means more to her than crossing by herself with shorter time. In the end I finished an hour and a half after my projected time and Lynn an hour and 45mins after hers. Thank you Lynn, i wouldnt have completed this if you hadnt been there for me. You sacrificed your time to cross with me. Thank you for making that possible for me."

I just need to say that Coleen kept me going all through training.  There were plenty of times I was ready to quit, telling myself it was ridiculous to think I could complete a marathon.  The high mileage was a killer and really got inside my head.  But she was there for me, encouraging me on, telling me she had no doubts that I could finish, slowing down her pace when I was struggling, reminding to drink and fuel up...SHE is the reason I crossed that finish line.  And she is the epitome of a true friend and mentor.  

Happy to NOT be running!

The BF and me.