The Story of a Runner Turned Yogi...

When I come to my yoga mat every morning I try to leave my expectations behind. This is a practice, a blending of breath with the flow of movement, not something to conquer or master or dominate but something to experience and embrace. It wasn't always that way and I'm not always successful at doing so. Yoga started off for me as a way to earn P.E. credits in college and later turned into a means to "force" myself to stretch when I became a runner. I sought out the more aggressive videos like power flow and later, P90X so that my yoga days would feel more like a workout than a time suck...I mean, can you really count 60 minutes of stretching to spa music as working out (especially when 5 of those minutes were laying on the ground in corpse pose doing nothing)?

My previous mentality...

 In my mid 30's I felt that I was no longer running for health benefits but more as a way to run away from life. I was disconnected from my body and mind, pushing myself into injuries and brushing it off as 'true dedication'..."See how committed I am?? I'm running with a torn hip flexor and fracture in my foot!!". After finally being forced to take 6 months off (via a cast) I found other forms of exercise to fill the void...boxing, cross fit, kettle bells, HIIT, P90X, Insanity, BodyRock, etc. before turning back to running. Yoga took a back seat again (actually, it got left behind at the rest stop). But the disconnect still persisted and I was faced with results that weren't fulfilling me mentally or physically.

I earned my orange headband completing Tough Mudder Norcal.

Crossing the finish line with my BFF Coleen at the Rock n' Roll San Diego Marathon.

 Although I do love the mental and physical aspects of the events I participated in like a full marathon and Tough Mudder, I also knew that these types of physically demanding challenges weren't something I aspired to maintain for the rest of my life (and yes, I am aware of the 100 year old man who completed the Toronto Marathon as well as the 80 year old man who has run 19 NYC Marathons). I'm no wimp, don't get me wrong...but I don't want to continue to dedicate the amount of time and effort into training for marathon after marathon for the next 40+ (God willing) years. My last marathon did a number on me...breaking down muscles and mentally challenging me during long and lonely 18+ mile training runs. While it was an overall positive experience which I am proud of, it's just not sustainable for me.

SIddha Yoga Ashram in Oakland...a turning point.

Over the past couple of years I've learned that yoga has so much more to offer than a limber body and a means to work out the kinks. A visit to an ashram in Oakland opened my eyes to the true meaning of yoga as well as the 7 other limbs to enlightenment...something I was in desperate need of at that point in my life. So, about a year ago (a little while after we officially hit the road as fulltime travelers) I stopped running and committed myself to practicing yoga almost exclusively. And this time my yoga practice would incorporate more than just asanas (although I am going to post pictures of some of these poses, because asana is one of the limbs).

Practicing pigeon pose on Glaveston Island, Texas

In that time I have felt a definite and positive shift in my health and mental well being. I've also not only maintained the muscle mass I had previously acquired but my aches and pains have diminished (specifically in my back, sciatic, hips and knees...some of which have troubled me since I was a teenager). My core has strengthened as well as my upper body and my balance has improved. But the biggest change has been more profound. I feel very connected to my body...its changes, its  needs, its sensitive areas and places of resistance.

Taking an amazing class in Contoocook New Hampshire...possibly my favorite class to date.

I also feel an interconnectedness with every thing around me...the wind, the trees, the water, the seasons...even people I encounter. Rather than jumping to harsh judgements I embrace that pause between seeing and completing a thought and instead, imagine the struggles they are going through...and even if they aren't struggling I can imagine the journey it has taken me to get to where I am physically and mentally and remember that no one can map out another person's journey nor can they force another to even embark on that journey.

Headstand in the Pocono Mountains

Yoga has provided me the peace and serenity that previously came only from a pill or the sheer exhaustion of over-training. I am not begrudging anyone who runs or boxes or finds enjoyment from intense physical activity as I still do enjoy riding my bike, hiking and kayaking when I can...I even ran a 5k distance last month and felt exhilarated. I also still have some big dreams and goals, perhaps to climb a mountain or learn to surf. But for me, yoga has provided the missing element of joining body, mind and spirit (with the side benefit of maintaining or even improving my fitness).

Morning self practice in Pennsylvania

Some days I leave my mat in tears from emotions which have been stirred from syncing my breath and movement with an open minded willingness to to just be...to just feel...to listen to my needs. Some days I leave my mat with so much energy that I ride my bike or go for a hike or clean the entire RV or even add an additional round of practice complete with arm balances and handstands. And some days I leave my mat content, even happy...a feeling that continues throughout the day and spills over onto the people around me.But I never leave my mat with regret for having taken the time to breath and connect with something deeper than myself, for having taken time for myself I have found the link to every thing around me.



 

Releasing your crappy run...

As I mentioned in a previous post, there are times when I feel that running is just not my calling. Or perhaps the truth is I want to run but it's hard and I am just not good at it...and therefore should pick up a more suitable hobby like watching the sun move across the sky or reviewing the new flavors Pringles has come out with. Both of these sound like awesome endeavors which would require so much less physical and emotional exertion than running 13 miles on a ninety degree day.

Working from home and setting my own hours has given me the freedom to stay up late (thanks to the hubby's schedule) and in turn, wake up late. I'm not complaining...it just means I am now too lazy to wake up at the crack of dawn to go running before the heat sets in. In admitting this I get to question my intention and commitment to running. I'm an over-analyzer...what can I say.

There was no escaping the heat this day.

Yesterday I drove to Benecia (about 30 miles west) in an attempt to escape the 100 degrees we were experiencing at home. I had two options...try to run my scheduled 14ish miles on a treadmill at the gym without losing my mind or sacrifice some gas money to drive to a more suitable (read: cooler) location. So, off to Benecia I went where the temperature at the start of my run was a pleasant 90 degrees. Just a little tip: when checking the Internet for current temperatures be sure to check more than one site, especially if it promises you that it will be a comfortable 20 degrees cooler with fabulous scenic vistas to make your long run the most fantastic run of your life.

Benecia State Recreation Area

Fortunately, the scenic vistas were pretty fabulous but it was hard to appreciate them through the sweat and later, the calf cramps. I tried to be careful and of course I listened to my body (watching for signs of heat exhaustion and also taking it easy) but at some point my desire for cold water over took all rational thinking and I found my lips almost permanently attached to the water fountain drinking more than I should at one time.

The Benecia Bridge, blackberries ripening and Mt. Diablo in the distance.

 I struggled through the last 5 miles...physically my calves were locking up, I was chafing in places I didn't know chafed (my belly-button?? that's new) and my feet were hurting (I had tried to run on the trail/gravel as much as possible which kinda tore up my tender nubbins) but emotionally I was suffering even more. First was the ridiculousness of having driven so far to run only to still be in the heat, then was the nagging Runkeeper voice that kept repeating my snail-like pace and saying things like 'obviously you must have meant to hit walk not run on the settings, you slow-ass idiot' and then I started wondering what had possessed me to sign up for another full marathon (the Half Moon Bay International Marathon on Sep 23). At mile eight I was wondering if I should drop down to the half...at mile nine I really thought the 10K would be a better choice...at mile ten I contemplated 'retiring' from running starting that instant.

So here I am, a little sore with a bruised ego and yet still kinda proud I got my run in, even if it was slow and miserable. I realize I need more compassion in my life and that includes compassion for myself which is something that I read about last night.

"If we are willing to stand fully in our own shoes and never give up on ourselves, then we will be able to put ourselves in the shoes of others and never give up on them." ~Pema Chodron Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

I know this is deeper than running...but it still flipped a switch for me...that it is okay for me to have a bad run, feel a little sorry for myself, show myself some compassion but also to not give up. It's about being okay {a little bit} with the self-doubt, acknowledging that it is just a thought, the same as thinking the a flower is pretty or that a particular perfume smells bad. It doesn't identify me nor does it mean it's true so I can just let the thought go...just like the passing thoughts that cross your mind during meditation or yoga.

"Affirmations are like screaming that you're okay in order to overcome this whisper that you're not." ~Pema Chodron Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

This also rang true to me. After all, I've done the affirmation thing, I've spoken about my goals in the present tense and then I blogged about how we are always telling ourselves that we aren't good enough...and thanks to the whole self-help industry, apparently we never will be. But what if we take a softer approach, allow a moment to acknowledge the shitty feeling and then let it float away (like a fart in the wind). Then maybe we can get back to what we were doing...finishing that run, editing that blog post, submitting that article, applying for that job, etc.

As I sit here and nurse my sore legs (with a foam roller and stretching) I know that come September 23rd I'll be running my second full marathon having trained through the good runs and bad and that I will be proud of my accomplishment no matter what happens. This doesn't mean that I don't have a goal for this race but simply that this is a race a choose to run, a challenge I set for myself and that there is no pressure to define myself as a success or failure because of this event.

Cattails and Sunshine

It's like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders releasing myself from some of the expectations I placed there...that every  run should be fast and magnificent and that it all gets easier and fun over time (sorry but going for a two and a half hour long run at 90 degree by yourself may offer some nice alone time...or may drive you to delirium...either way you end up with a nausea hang-over while simultaneously feeling like you haven't eaten in 4 days). They are just long runs after all...running one mile and then another after that until you're done. But you can be certain that this will be my last full marathon. =)

Ever have a run that makes you want to quit???

It's funny how freeing up my schedule by working mostly from home has left me feeling I have no time for blogging. While I admit I have been busy with the logistics of functioning out of an RV "office" and amping up my training for this years racing events, I also found myself falling into the procrastination trap yet again. I want to write but allow my fears to stop me...I also want to catch up with fellow bloggers which begins to compound my problem with "where to start"? I am overwhelmed into inaction.

My 'office' aboard the Mutiny (our 32 foot Winnebago RV).

So, here I am, attempting to break the cycle. And what better way then to tell you about my last race, the Rock n' River Reno Half-Marathon that I {kinda} ran with fellow blogger and Tweet-buddy, Kirsten of Living In a Girl's World and new friend, Beci from Wild Child Gone Good.

There's something to be said for away races...one where you can drive up a day early, spend quality time with girlfriends, actually make it to a packet pickup that isn't the same day as the race, and enjoy the evening unwinding and carb-loading with like minded individuals.

Packing the 'essentials'.

 I made it to Kirsten's house outside of Reno at about noon. Let me tell you, a 3 hour road trip through the best part of Highway 50 seems to go by pretty fast even when you're driving alone. It's such a beautiful area and a great time of year to head up to the Sierras. I stopped for gas once and then at the Pacific Crest Trail and Tahoe Rim Trail(and yes, I actually walked on them so it counts).



Pacific Crest Trail and Tahoe Rim Trail...oh how I would love to really hike these!

After arriving at Kirsten's we headed to Scheel's in Sparks/Reno for the race expo, which really kinda turned into a scavenger hunt to find our bibs and t-shirts. The expo was pretty much non-existent but I was pretty happy that Whole Foods was there giving away trail mix {yum}.

Goonie Gugu's do exist, at least at Scheel's!

Rock n River Reno Half-Marathon

Fast forward to race morning...32 degrees and all I packed to run in were my shorts and new tank top. Uh, how could I forget that it gets cold at 4500 feet in the mountains?!?! I ended up wearing an old cotton Old Navy long sleeved t-shirt that I could toss if need be but I was still freezing!

Yep, this is really from race morning.

I planned to run the Half even though my longest run (since last year's marathon training) was 7 miles...and even that was 'hard'. I had considered dropping down to the 10K because of the lack of training and also since I wasn't sure if the altitude would have any effect on me. But, being my stubborn self, I opted to stay in the half, justifying the decision because I had run a full after all...never mind that it was 11 months ago!!

The race gun went off at 7am and Kirsten and I ran together for the first 3 or so miles setting a pretty quick pace (for me) of 9:30 (if I remember correctly). Now, I knew I probably couldn't keep that pace up without a few walk breaks so I told Kirsten to go ahead without me. That was probably the smartest thing I did the entire race.

By mile 5 I seriously thought I needed to quit. I had made a BIG mistake and was sure I was going to die. There was no way I could finish...not even by walking. I was holding back tears of anger and humiliation. I am not a quitter, I am very competitive with myself and all I could think was "I am not a runner", "This isn't the hobby for me", "I am never going to run again...I'm just going to give up and get fat".

I was looking for an aid station and wondering if the volunteer blocking traffic would call an ambulance for me. Since there was no where to catch a ride back I suddenly found myself at mile 6 and running got a little bit easier. I was able to catch my breath and even caught myself smiling and waving at the volunteers and police officers I passed along the course.

I paced myself with a few other runners to force myself to slow down a bit. Part of my problem is that I am so programmed to run a 9:40-10:00 minute mile that I have trouble forcing myself to run slower...it's either run at 6mph or walk. Thank goodness for those other runners who didn't mind me 'dafting' off of them!!

Mile 10...still going strong when a calf cramp hit me. Now, I haven't had a calf cramp in over a year and that was during a 20 mile run so it was devastating to get hit with this at mile 10. The water station I came across was out of Gatorade...eeek! But I still had a few sips of coconut water in my hydration pack (but I hadn't added salt....boo). I was able to stretch a little and started running again. Mile 11-12 I had a few more cramps but was able to find some Gatorade and I downed a few Sports Beans.

With that in my system I was able to run the last 1.1 miles...and even add a little kick down the strip to the finish. To my surprise and delight I was able to cross the finish line at just under 2:30 (2:29:38 to be exact)! For the lack of training, altitude and cramping I think I did alright. Best of all...Beki and Kirsten were at the finish line cheering me on!

Kirsten, me and Beki with our medals!!

After we got our finisher's medals we headed off for some Starbucks and a ginormous breakfast at one of Kirsten's favorite spots, The Cracker Box. Yummy deliciousness! All this followed by a 3 hour drive home made for a tired girl.

I stopped in Pollock Pines to get a second Starbucks (did I mention I was tired) and this is what was outside the grocery store.

That was some good food, good times, great company but a HARD race. It really made me think about what I was doing with my training and what goals I had for myself. I love the thrill of the race (especially when it's over) and I love registering for races so I can use them as motivation...but I hate when I have such a bad run that I want to hang up my running shoes forever.

So, what did I do? I registered for the Davis Moo-nlight Half Marathon in June and hired a running coach...Much more of that to come later.

When Finding the Motivation is Harder Than the Work Out...

I was catching up on a few blogs that I follow when I came across one in particular that "spoke" to me today.  Josie, over at Yum Yucky, is hosting a "Finish What You Started" Challenge and posted about her own struggles with staying motivated when sometimes, what she'd rather do, is sit on the couch (read her full post here).  As I've alluded to before, I also struggle with motivation, sometimes so severe that I am SURE there is something wrong with me (read: you are a quitter, Lynn).

Source

The example I used when commenting on her post was this: "I confirmed plans last night at 10:30 pm to meet a friend for a run today after work...about an hour ago I started wondering how I can get out it. Get this...I even wondered if eating my cottage cheese (a new "dairy" food for me) might make my tummy hurt enough to HAVE to cancel our run.  How pathetic is that?!?!? 

I would be ashamed but it's important for me to share these things because many of us are so hard on ourselves and often throw in the towel when it APPEARS that willpower comes easy to some people.  It is a struggle (for me) sometimes to do what I know needs to be done.  Just because I do a HARD workout almost every single day doesn't mean it comes easily...more often than not there has been some cussing, bribing and pride issues involved to 'getter dun'."


Reflecting on this it seems to me that some people may actually react negatively to fitness posts if they don't know everything that goes into accomplishing these activities.  Sometimes, what isn't known to the reader, is the HUGE amount of self-motivation that goes into those workouts.  I've had a few friends who have made comments regarding my 'will power' and others who have expressed a kind of resignation to their own workouts by saying they would never have the resolve to workout so much (or eat vegetarian/give up {most} junk food/stick to a clean eating plan).  As I've stated before in a prior blog, it takes a LOT for me to follow through on my workouts (and clean eating).

I'd even venture to say that some of the things I do to get through my workouts can be down right ridiculous. 

 

Sometimes it's not this easy. (source)

Things I've tried or still do for 'motivation':

~pouting (not very attractive for a 40 year old)

~foot stomping (see pouting above)

~self-talk (yes, out loud)

~hand-clapping (cheerleader style)

~talking to the dog and/or cats (usually I try to reason with them "I can do this right?  I mean, it's only 40 minutes and all I WAS doing was catching up on Twitter posts. And I can quit after 20 minutes if I'm just not feeling it...can't I??")

~putting on my workout clothes so as to feel silly reading or watching TV while wearing my sports bra, running shoes and iPod strapped to my arm

~hiding my computer and telling myself I'll disclose it's location AFTER my run

~Bribing myself with some form of food/drink reward.  It used to be a 1/2 a glass of wine after a run but now it's more likely to be a Shakeology shake ONLY after a workout (otherwise I'd drink them ALL the time)

About 99% of the time I feel better after I work out or run, as do most people.  So, I don't know why I have to continue to go through this routine to stay on-track with my training plan.  I've also thought that through repetition it would become a habit and my mind & body would just go with the flow.  But it's really not that simple...not for me.  

I apologize but this is both adorable AND hilarious.

I guess what I am trying to say is that just because you may not feel like working out doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong.  It takes effort to accomplish great things and I believe that's why we feel so good after a work out. For some of us, comparing our work out schedule with others can be counter-productive...they may have different goals, a different style, and may even have too aggressive of a plan resulting in injury and/or burn out.  It can make us feel like we aren't doing enough or are lazy because we really don't want to go for a run...not even a short one.  But maybe we are all more alike in that regard than what we think.  (Even the profession athlete struggles with motivation at some point.)  

Okay, THIS might actually work...or kill me.

Many of us (myself surely included) tend to compare ourselves, our workouts, and our results to one another and although it may not be with a 'jealous' eye, it can still add to the stress of simply working out.  Don't get discouraged, try not to compare, figure out some ways to self-motivate and at least get started on your goals.  One of the best ways for me to stay focused is to actually plan my work outs.  I schedule them in my planner and even load them into my Google calendar.  When my reminder alarm goes off I TRY to treat my work out the same way that I do when my alarm goes off for work.  I get up and do it.  Even on my worst days I usually snap out of my funk within a few minutes and before I know it, my work out is over.

Are you a good self-motivator?  What have you found that works for you?  

Still learning...

Source

This past week I hit a road block in my training (and eating).  I know, I know...it's so early into the new training schedule to fall off the wagon now but I 'kinda' have a good excuse (and if not, I DID learn something).  The BF and I had a HUGE yard sale this past weekend and much of the week leading up to it was spent preparing for the big day.  A lot of purging, organizing, agonizing (what to keep, what to sell, how much to sell it for), and time spent on our feet lead to much less time running or P90Xing.


While I did manage to get a few runs in I am still a little behind on my desired mileage.  I am also almost a week behind on P90X workouts.  What I found is that it is much easier for me to workout on the days I also work (or more precisely, the days the BF and I both work and don't really have any time together).  When the BF and I are off together I can't seem to manage my time very well, opting to spend most of it with him even if we aren't really doing anything (ie. watching movies, catching up on TV shows we recorded, etc.).  This does not say much for my training ethics.  After all, I proclaim that my training is very important to me.

These bitchz be crazy...but like a train wreck, I can't stop watching!!

{Seriously, I might need a 12 step program to stop watching the Real Housewives...I went for YEARS without TV...I was one of those "Kill Your TV" people...but now that I live with the BF, who has EVERY channel imaginable, I find myself almost hypnotized.  I am so ashamed!!}


As I have always told myself, once you identify the problem then finding the solution is easy (and expected).   I can do this.  I want to do this...so I will make it happen.  I'm not going to beat myself up over this past week...and honestly, there were 2 days I was on my feet so much that I don't feel bad for missing a workout...but I am going to take more time planning my workouts and getting up early if need be to stay on track.

Balance
{from my trip to Death Valley}

So, while I learn the all important aspects of balancing work, friends, blogging, running, weight training, boyfriend time, relaxation, house keeping, and everything else life has to offer I have figured out that every once in a while I just need to do a self-check.  If I am venturing too far off path I can redirect my efforts or re-evaluate my goals and steer myself to the most worthwhile areas of my life.

Does anyone have any tips on fitting it 'all' in?  I recently started using Google Calendar to set reminders, are there any other tools you would recommend?