Confessions...

I am a carb whore.

In a moment of weakness I allowed myself a carb binge.  Although it was a somewhat subdued version, as I never really allow myself to lose complete control, I did get to the point where I said to myself, "Who cares...it's not gonna kill you!".  Admittedly, I had set myself up for this little trip up.  I knew I had a long work day (10 hours) and there was chance that I wouldn't be able to leave for a lunch break.  I also KNEW that I had a meeting from 6:30pm-8:30pm in town for Team In Training, which meant I wasn't going to drive home first just to come back for the meeting an hour later.

So, I failed to plan ahead and I assumed that when TNT said they would have some snacks at the meeting that they meant "healthy" snacks.  Forget the fact that said meeting was being held at THE Jelly Belly Factory (which is located right across the street from THE Budweiser Plant and down the road from some great local wineries) and that I had spent an hour at Peet's Coffee having some iced tea instead of getting dinner.  I was looking forward to the free and healthy snacks at a meeting for future marathoners and triathletes!

Lo and behold, there were no healthy snacks.  :sad face:  What I found at the center of each table were bowls of Jelly Belly's Jelly Beans and chocolate mints and....CHEEZITS!!!  

Devil crackers.

What???  My nemesis...right there on the table in front of me...bags and bags and bags and bags.  Come on!!  I mean, were these donated or on sale??  Is Jelly Belly the parent company that makes these evil crackers?  Couldn't we have had free beer instead???  Oh wait...I mean, luckily there were lots of water bottles, which I drank to quiet my now growling stomach.  It took everything I had to not open a single bag of those cheezits.  I did, however, have to leave the meeting 30 minutes early before I caved.  I guess I was under the impression that we would be treated like the athletes we are about to become...but then I realized that many people just want to do something good for someone else by participating in things like Team In Training...they are the weekend warriors who, unlike me, live their lives without having it revolve around calories, exercise and scales.

Upon arriving home, after a white knuckled drive through really heavy fog, I opted for a cup of joe to hold me over until I could think rationally about what to eat.  You know that feeling of being so hungry that all of your knowledge and common sense go out the window and you just eat?  Well, even the Keurig, which brews a cup of coffee in less then a minute, wasn't fast enough to stop me from eating whatever I could find.  It started with a mini bag of popcorn (luckily 94% fat free) that was in the goody bag I got at the TNT meeting, then progressed to my BF's left over pizza and a half a piece of Trader Joe's cinnamon bread that I didn't even bother to toast or heat up.  Thankfully, the pizza was organic and vegetarian and there was only about half of it left (which I shared with the dog) but it was still a lot of carbs and no protein for one sitting.

I keep thinking that maybe my body needed those carbs.  I've been exercising pretty hard and increasing my speed in my runs without changing my normal (higher protein) diet so perhaps I just needed to replenish my dwindling glycogen reserves.  Or maybe I am just still a carb whore who will always pick carbs in a mindless binge. 

But either way, I at least have the comfort of knowing that my choices were somewhat healthy and within reasonable portion sizes.  I could have reached for the Cheezits (yes, there is a half a box in the cupboard and yes, I know that I am asking for trouble) or the little baby container of Ben and Jerry's I bought for my BF since he doesn't even know it's there and therefore would never miss it.  But I didn't.  I had fat-free popcorn and what would amount to maybe 1.5 slices of pizza (organic and meat-free).  The cinnamon bread...well, that was just delicious, and a half a piece was all I needed.  And I didn't feel too bad.  I didn't feel the need to try to exercise it off right away or belittle myself by staring critically at my stomach in the mirror.

So, I screwed up...but maybe not that bad.  I guess there was some part of me that had some semblance of control to make sure that my binge didn't turn catastrophic...that let me get my carb fix in a more healthy way then I had in the past.  But more importantly, I didn't beat myself up for it.  I am normally very critical on this point so this is progress on more then one level.

On a happier note...I was so thrilled to see that my favorite drink is available once again!!  Looks like I might have to see if I can buy these by the case!!

Joy!!!