Finding peace with the scale...

I bought a new scale...finally.  My "old" new scale mysteriously quit working a few months ago and even with expensive new batteries, it still refused to turn on.  Part of me enjoyed the freedom of being scaleless...of trying to be like so many of my blogger/Facebook/Twitter fitness friends who rely on how they 'feel' or 'look' to know if they are maintaining, gaining or losing weight.  And, as a recovered anorexic I can certainly appreciate NOT being a slave to the scale.  When I was in inpatient care (weighing in at 85 pounds) I was forced to weigh in daily but had to face away from the scale.  So powerful is the number on the scale that it can make or break someone's recovery just as it can make or break a dieter's day.

So, what possessed me to bring the scale back into my life now?  Well, to be honest, I find it the only true  way for me to reach and maintain my goals.  It is extremely easy to convince myself that I am doing well with my diet and/or exercise when I don't have a tangible goal.  If you are runner then you can maybe relate this to 'junk miles', running for the sake of logging miles without any concern with speed, distance, or improvements in endurance.  These kind of miles are the ones that cause overuse injuries, plateaus and burn out.  The same thing occurs to me when I go around willy-nilly eating what I think is the right amount of calories and assuming the same old worn out jeans I've been wearing still fit pretty well.  I can justify 'sloppy' (i.e. not clean) eating because my recent jean purchase still had me in a size 6...although, here in America, I have no idea what a size 6 means anymore due to this whole vanity sizing thing.


What I do know is that I have not reached my goals regardless if I use my "maximum weight" goal or my "body fat %" goal.  I've sat here, after doing tons of research, tons of exercising and spending tons of money on foods weighing pretty much the same as always and still having the same dissatisfaction with my body.  That's not to say I am unhappy or trying to be overly critical...I think I've learned a lot over the years to not allow my mind to go to the extremes it has in the past.  And I still love my body, but I have certain goals (as vain as they may be) that I KNOW I can accomplish.  Some of these goals are tied to running.  For instance, it completely makes sense that when I drop some excess pounds, my running will likely improve since there will be less stress on my body.  I may become faster as well and, since setting a new marathon PR is one of my main goals, it is important to 'watch my weight' to attain this goal.

I've also had an ah-ha moment when I was setting up my new scale (it tracks my weight, body fat, bone mass, and pounds to goal).  My scale is a thin chunk of plastic and glass.  It is an inanimate object that only reports the truth (as long as the batteries aren't dead).  It has no control over my emotions.  As a matter of fact, I am so stubborn about not allowing PEOPLE control my emotions that I'll be damed if I let a freakin' scale dictate if I'm going to love or hate myself today.  It's no different from the blood pressure cuff at the doctor's office or the tire pressure gauge at the repair shop.

But let me state this one important realization again: It is an inanimate object that only reports the truth.  Granted, we may not like the truth it's telling us.  We may be positive that we did everything right this past week while that damned scale tells us bold-face lies by stating we either didn't lose weight or *gasp* we GAINED!!  The scale becomes our enemy.  We threaten to throw it out the window.  We cuss at it.  Even if we aren't particular religious we pray to it, or at the very least beg (please, please show me something good).  We cry because if it.  We get mad at it.  We hate it.
  

I get it, I really do.  But you know what??  The one thing we rarely do is sit down and get real about our results.  And that's what I am doing.  It sucks.  It's hard.  Like the hundreds of people I've 'talked' to via blogs, Twitter, Facebook and Nutrisystem forums, I have also thought that I am special, as a matter of fact most of the dieters I've spoken to believe this as well..."calorie counting, diets and exercise just don't work for me"..."I could eat celery sticks and drink nothing but water all day and still gain weight"..."It doesn't matter what I do, I CAN'T lose weight".


I'm calling bullshit.  Okay, I'll still love you if you aren't ready to let go of the thought that somehow, science does not apply to you, but I'll also be here for you when you realize that it does.  The harsh reality is this...when the scale reports that I haven't lost any weight I don't get mad at the it anymore... because I know that it means I did something wrong.  Like it or not, I am the only responsible for what that scale tells me (of course I realize that there are times when I may be retaining water, carb-loading, etc.).  If I don't like what it says I have 2 choices...1-throw it out the window (but what a waste of money) or 2-review my 'plan', be honest with myself, and make the necessary adjustments.


I'm calling it my Tough Self-Love plan...no more lying to myself, no more justifying the 'extras'...do the work and the results will come.


Note: While I personally have a goal weight written down, as I approach this number it will be adjusted to take into account my body fat % due to the possibility of gaining muscle, which may make the scale appear to be plateauing.  As long as the body fat is dropping then all is good.  

How and when did I become my mother??

My mom came for a visit last week.  It also happened to be my 41st birthday and it was nice to have her here to celebrate.  For me, birthdays are similar to New Years, reminding me to review my accomplishments, goals, and dreams, to realign/readjust and to make new goals.  As I get older, it seems that the years go by faster making every moment count even more.  Having my mom here was also an eye opener...a peek into my future...and an explanation of my present.

My mom at Natural Bridges State Park, Santa Cruz

I haven't lived with my mom for 24 years and after she and my dad moved to Alabama (I was still living in Alaska) I haven't visited much either.  Being from an Air Force family, this didn't seem all that odd.  Money and time-off have often been an issue for me...the times I've had money I could't take vacation and the when I had the time to spare I couldn't afford the airfare...or, had to choose how and where to spend the little vacation time I had.  My parents retired in Alabama (I have never lived there), my sister is in the Army and lived all over (Alaska, Colorado, Georgia and New York).  My best friend always wants me to visit and spends her time in Washington D.C., Arizona, or Florida and my extended family (aunts, uncles and cousins) all live in Pennsylvania.  On top of that, living in California provides so many fantastic destinations that it was virtually impossible to make everyone happy when it came to deciding on where to vacation and with whom.

But, even though my mom and I haven't spent much time together during my early adult years, I was stunned to see how many of my mom's 'habits' I have picked up.  Sadly, it was often the things that were starting to get on my nerves that I recognized my own behavior in what she was doing! Things like having multiple drinks at once (hmmm, do I want water or coffee or tea??  I know, I'll have all three!!) to making several trips to the cupboard to grab just a few more almonds or crackers.  It's funny that we can so easily see other people's 'bad habits' before we see our own...even when they are the same.

Mom and Clark

Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park

Spending this week with her has been wonderful.  She made my bouquet for our Lake Tahoe Wedding on Christmas Day, she took me shopping for my birthday and bought me a wonderful Clinique facial cleansing set, I introduced her to e-readers and she got a Nook (so she doesn't have to lug around a bunch of books all the time), my fiance and I took her to the Santa Cruz Mountains to camp among the Redwoods (something she's never seen), and then, on her last day, I surprised her with a trip to San Francisco for Fleet Week.  I'm afraid I sent her away worn out and sore from all of the walking we did (it's hard to remember she'll be 65 in February!!).

Floral designer for over 30 years!! 

Mom displaying my wedding bouquet!

Perfect for skiing with after the 'ceremony'!

But it's been wonderful in another way...emotionally we got to connect in a way we couldn't when I was younger and my dad was alive.  While my dad was a great father and provided well for my mom, he certainly had his 'issues' and I often blamed my mom for being too weak to leave him.  During this visit I got to know my mom as the woman who held our family together, who sacrificed things for her own reasons...reasons that I don't get to criticize because they weren't MY decisions to make.  She's a lot stronger than I ever thought...and a lot smarter.  I'm actually a little ashamed that for years I felt she was just naive and weak.

Fleet Week San Francisco

Pier 39

Getting to know my mom better has helped refocus my mind on the things I still want to get out life...things that are truly important.  When I talked to her about my concerns with running she advised me to continue to run ONLY if I truly love it...and to remember that one day I may not be able to run, so take advantage of my health and desire now.  As we have all heard, it's not the things we've done that we end up regretting, it's the things we didn't do.  My mom will be 65 in a few months yet, like many of us, she doesn't feel her age.  She wakes up ready to tackle the world but finds that her body doesn't always allow her to do everything she wants.  Likewise, I don't 'feel' 41 (or I guess what I think 41 should feel like)...and I see myself moving into different age groups on race forms but feel like I can hang with the 25 year olds.  In a sense that's a good thing...but I feel it's important for me to remember that, as I age, my goals have shifted.  In the past I had "run a marathon" on my Bucket List...which I accomplished in June of this year.  Yet, my 20-30 something mind wants to run a bunch of marathons!!  In the meantime, my other goals have been thrown by the wayside due to the rigorous training involved with marathoning.

I honestly feel that spending time with my mom has added some clarity to my life.  And not just for my health and fitness goals...but it has answered some questions about my upbringing, habits, likes, dislikes, and future.  And now, I'm off to review my goals and Bucket List!

Tough Mudder Norcal 2011 Recap...

What have I done???

As I rolled out of bed at 6:30am, I noted that the temperature was a brisk 28 degrees out.  Holy crap!  What happened overnight??  A moment of panic washed over me as I realized I would soon be starting the Norcal Tough Mudder at Squaw Valley...complete with water obstacles.  No longer was I debating if I should wear long sleeves and capri length running pants.  That decision was made by nature!

The fireplace was already going for us when we arrived!

Our view, the next morning I would scale that mountain, and others!

Thanks to my wonderful fiance, we spent the night before at the very impressive Resort at Squaw Creek.  This was not only a gorgeous place to stay, with awesome views and a comfy fireplace, but was conveniently located near the Village where registration was located.  Since my start time was 8:40am we arrived with plenty time to garner a free parking space before the lot filled and traffic was diverted to Alpine Meadow Ski Resort (at 9:30am).

Registered and trying to locate the rest of the team!

I was fortunate to have been asked to join team Stupid Mudder Fudders, consisting mainly of our local police department's officers.  Although this was the first time I met some of them, they would prove to be instrumental in my completing the course.  We also had a pretty good cheering section and my fiance turned out to be an awesome event photographer!

Team Stupid Mudder Fudders

After registering, getting our numbers written on us in PERMANENT marker, and taking group pictures we assembled at the start to take out Tough Mudder oath (and a brief safety briefing).  Then the gun went off and our group of 600 (out of 10,000) was released into the wild.  The first part of Norcal Tough Mudder...a 3.5 mile climb from 6200 feet to 8200 feet.  Oh, and doing this while Marines threw huge 6 foot rubber balls at us!!  

Part of the Death March as seen from my fiances view from the Gondola ride to High Camp.

This trek was pretty brutal as most of us did not have the luxury to do any training at elevation.  But we preserved and were soon upon the first water obstacle...Kiss of Mud.  This involved an icy cold pool of spring fed water {mud}, about knee deep, with a barbed wire covering...meaning we had to belly crawl through the mud.  Did I mention that is was only 28 degrees when I woke that morning?? 

A picture of Kiss of Mud via the Tough Mudder web site.

After much more uphill climbing we came across out next water obstacle which was a huge vat of water about 15' long and 10' wide...filled of course with ice cold water.  We had to jump into this chest deep water, wade to the middle and then dive under a submerged board to the other side...then wade through and climb out.  Okay, it was seriously cold and THIS time we had to get completely wet.  My body temperature began to drop noticeably at this point and I was actually looking forward to the "Death March" just to try to sweat again.

My teammate, One-Legged Bob, coming through the Chernobyl Jacuzzi.

via Youtube

Of course, just as I felt that I was beginning to dry out we found our next challenge...the Chernobyl Jacuzzi.  Now, this was almost exactly like the previous obstacle but the folks at Tough Mudder were nice enough to have just added a bulldozer bucket load of ice into the water.  I sucked it up and entered to vat of ice, mud, and who knows what (since we had yet to pass any port-o-potties)...got to the center board as fast as possible, grabbed the bottom of the board and pulled myself through to the other side as quickly as possible.  "Take you breath away" does not begin to describe the cold feeling.  My head instantly hurt, and not just because I seemed to have found an iceberg on my way to the surface...but because it really was THAT cold.  An ice-cream headache would have felt better.  I tried to get out as quickly as possible but my limbs were not very cooperative.

Trying to thaw out and keep moving we finally reached 8200 feet (a 2000 foot gain in elevation from the start) and came out to a beautiful meadow located at High Camp.  Our next obstacle was Everest...a 14 foot quarter pipe wall we would need to scale some how.  There was quite a crowd there as other participants were making their attempts to get over the wall.  There were also tons of spectators as this was located right outside of the Gondola drop station.  It was so nice to see my fiance and the others who came to cheer us on.  Across the top of the wall were a bunch of other participants reaching down to lend a hand up...truly a wonderful display of teamwork and camaraderie as they sacrificed their own finish time to help strangers over this massive obstacle.

I tried...but no go...

I tried to make it over by running as fast as I could and jumping towards the hands aching to pull me over...but I couldn't get the height needed.  Thankfully, my teammates created a human chain which allowed me to crawl over and just barely reach the fingertips of the guys at the top.  Somehow, I managed to swing a leg over and haul myself over the wall...and it was then that I started to shiver uncontrollably.  

Getting a hand...and leg up!

I spotted a few people with those wonderful silver warming 'blankets' over there shoulders and took off to the aid tent.  After getting wrapping in my beautiful tinfoil warmer I grabbed some fuel and found my team and supports.  Kissing the fiance goodbye, we took off at a slow jog up the hill to find our next challenge, which came too soon.  Next up...the Funky Monkey...a long set of monkey bars that peak in the middle, and with more cold water below for those who couldn't hold on.

Just hold on!!

Well, I surely did NOT want to get wet again since I still hadn't gained the feeling back in my hands.  I mounted the platform, gripped the first bar and realized that not only could I not close my hands (my fingertips were blue) but the bars spun.  But there was no turning back...one bar, 2 bars, and SPLASH! Into the cold water yet again!!

Made it up the Rope a Dope!!

I swam out a quickly as possible and regrouped with my team...just a few feet away was our next challenge, the Rope a Dope.  This was about a 12 foot rope climb which I managed half way decently. I stripped my gloves off afterwards in hoped that I could warm my hands back up by shoving them under my fiances armpits {he is a saint}.


After this there was much more uphill {steep} terrain as we gained another 700 feet of elevation.  It was pretty rocky terrain and not conducive to speed.  At this point I should mention that one of my teammates and new hero, Bob, only has one leg.  He wasn't just doing the Tough Mudder with a prothetic leg, he was doing the TOUGHEST Tough Mudder, for the first time, on a prosthetic leg!!  We had also made a pact that we would finish this competition together, come hell or high water. There was no way I was going to let Bob down, and no way I was going to complain about being cold or tired while he tackled these obstacles with one leg!!

My hero!!

We trudged up that massive mountain top only to encounter snow and ice! And if that wasn't bad enough they decided to stake a cargo net over the snow and ice and have us crawl underneath this net for about 20 yards.  Let me tell you, those nets are heavy...one person can't lift them which means, wet and cold already, I had to crawl, hands and knees, through the snow.  On the other side was a cool slide down back to the trail.

Bob and I somewhere around mile 8

A little was down one of the only declines I remember and we had the Log Jammin' which was basically a series of log walls which you either had to climb over or under.  I think this was my favorite obstacle, mainly because there was no water, snow or ice involved!!  


It seemed we must have climbed for several miles on sole bruising rocks and gravel before we summitted yet another peak where we then had to pick up and carry a log around a quarter mile loop.  We went down a shale path and then back up witha few extra pounds on our shoulders...all at about an elevation of 8700 feet...you know, right above the tree-line but just slightly below the elevation airplanes are required to pressurize??

After this was a treacherous decent called the Rock Slide which lead us to the Berlin Walls.  These were 2-12 foot vertical walls which we had to scale.  Again, my teammates were awesome in giving me a leg up...pretty important when you're only 5'4"!  Soon after (and at these point I can't remember the terrain but I can only imagine it was uphill) we came to Walk the Plank and the Underwater Tunnels.  This was a 15 foot jump into a freezing alpine lake followed by a 50 yard swim to shore...but right in the middle were barrels in which you swam under.

Some teammates about to Walk the Plank!

I confess, I skipped this obstacle...I had still been unable to raise my core temperature of getting feeling back into my fingers.  I had yet to sweat at all even after all of our exertions and the ambient air temperature reaching over 70 degrees.  I had learned that several people had been pulled from the lake with hypothermia, which on top of being life threatening, also meant they could not complete the race.  For once, I took the common sense approach rather than drowned, die or quit.

The middle of the Boa Constrictor

Next up was the Boa Constrictor which was basically a water obstacle with one pipe leading into the water and one pipe out.  The pipes were half full of mud and rocks and it was necessary to belly crawl through them.  There was no way to get out without getting completely submerged.  Cold and wet again I almost kissed the volunteer who was handing out the 'blankets' again!

FYI: Norcal Tough Mudder was advertised as a 10 mile race...from here, the end was no where in site.

Around the corner from the Boa Constrictor I had a wonderful surprise...my fiance was waiting for us along the trail to get pictures.  He not only met us there, but he hiked the rest of the course with us from mile 8 to mile 12!!  After this it was quite a blur.  I know we scaled KT22, the volcano at Squaw.  I know we were told that "this is the last hill" about 18 times until we realized that SOMEHOW this 10 mile race became a 12 mile race with practically NO downhill.  I know we climbed through and got covered in hay, climbed over a giant net like hammock thing and then faced our last water challenge...Twinkle Toes.  

A nap on this giant hammock would be nice right about now!

I'm smiling because I'm dry...but only for a short time.

Stupid Mudder Fudders trying NOT to get wet AGAIN!

Now, for the first time since we started I was finally dry...and surely I could cross about 15 feet of water while walking across a 4" board that began to sway back and forth as soon as I got about 5 feet on it...ummm, no, I couldn't.  And it was deeper than I thought...I went ALL the way under and lost my hat!!  Luckily, the last obstacle, Electro Shock Therapy was only a few feet away.  Wading through knee deep water I managed to avoid getting shocked as I jogged out to the finish line to claim my Tough Mudder head band!!

Cheers from the Stupid Mudder Fudders!

BUT WE DID!!!

  

Purging {to save my sanity}...

As I have become more involved with Social Media it's come to my attention that, just as in "real" life, my cyber life often needs to be revisited and prioritized.  Whether it be blogs or Twitter chats, I have recently become aware of the need to place more value on my time and cull the sources of information that I either no longer benefit from or can't contribute to any more (those that I feel my input falls on deaf ears).  It's a natural process yet I still feel guilty thinking of potentially removing a couple of blogs from my already over-whelmed Google Reader.

A few of the things that I am having trouble with lately involve those blogs that have become either all-day, every-day wedding posts as well as the "I'm Pregnant" posts.  Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to tears when I find out someone is getting married or having a baby but I just can't find the time to read post after post of "25 MORE potential wedding venues" or "Here is our list of baby names..add your favorite in the comments section and we will use RandomGenerator to pick our baby's name".  I know that's harsh, after all, my own few readers may not give a crap that I like author David Sedaris or that I'm training for another stupid marathon, but there are so many wonderful blogs out there that I am finding it difficult to find time to read the ones I can't relate to.  (Note: These are blogs that I was reading sporadically that evolved very rapidly from health/running to almost strictly wedding/baby oriented reads, I have the same 'issue' with a few blogs I thought I liked but mostly seem to lack content in favor of posting daily about random things (like traffic or an hour-by-hour recount of their day)...I haven't built a 'relationship' with any of these bloggers and mostly just cyber-stalked them.  Had they been "friends" I, of course, would be thrilled to be a part of their new life circumstances.)

But the main thing that dawned on me after a recent Twitter chat was the emphasis that many, many people (not just bloggers or twitter users) place on food.  There's the WIAW (What I Ate Wednesday) posts, which are sometimes cool because you can actually *see* what some healthy, clean eating people eat that contributes to their healthy lifestyle, but this latest chat really seemed to be bordering on obsession with questions like: "what's your favorite cheat food?", "what are your favorite sweet snacks? salty?"...I swear, halfway through it all I felt like eating half a bag of Chex Mix followed by a hunk of dark chocolate (I may or may not have actually followed through on this thought, I truly can't recall).

Source

It seems that many of us that try to focus on healthy eating or weight loss already have, shall we say, an unhealthy obsessions with food in some way.  Whether a binge eater, emotional eater, calorie restrictor, or exercise bulimic we probably spend far too much time thinking about what we will eat at our next meal, how many calories we've already consumed and often are plotting how to make a low calorie dessert even lower calorie.  So, while I want to be able to remain supportive, I also find that I need to protect my own sanity.  I've actually found myself living more 'in the moment' lately (this is a HUGE accomplishment) and to do that I can't be worried about how many more hours until my next meal...let alone what cheat food I would like to eat when I know I will not 'allow' it anyway.

Me, age 17, getting ready for Senior Prom.

This type of thinking only reminds me of the dark days of my anorexia.  I literally spent the majority of my days making lists of foods and food combinations that would maximize a feeling of fullness with the least amount of calories.  While I was failing Chemistry (I only passed with a C because the entire school felt sorry for me) I was filling my notebook with these calculations rather than deciphering the Periodic Table.  I dropped my Pre-Calculus course (which I was doing well in) because all of those numbers interfered with what I felt were more important numbers...the calorie count in every food known to man.  Although I really wasn't eating (I survived, and I use that term loosely, on diet sodas and clear broth) I was spending an unimaginable amount of time THINKING about eating.

While I viewed my own body as grotesque and imperfect I didn't see others in the same way. My mother, who I love dearly, has struggled with her weight for most of my childhood.  During the time I was anorexic she would have been classified as obese, maybe even morbidly obese...yet I didn't 'judge' her or even feel the slightest bit of disgust at her weight that I felt towards my own.  For me, anorexia was an internal beast...I could look at a fit, healthy person and wish I looked like her although I was 30-60 pounds lighter.

Source

The battles that go on the minds of the binger and the anorexic are often the same...it's about control and the stifling of emotions.  Both generally suffer body dismorphia (distorted body image) and use food to 'penalize' their disappointment in the self.  Anorexics punish themselves by withholding food (and sometimes water) while bingers

I'm beginning to think that if I could just release the obsession...maybe spend 15% of my day concerned with food...that everything would fall into place naturally because no matter how obsessed, no matter what weight I've been (too thin, too fat) I have not found that 'happy place' for my self-image.  Obviously, if THINKING about food and calories could get me my dream body I'd be a successful fitness model by now.  I've read countless diet books...way more books on this one subject than is required for any university level degree program for almost ANY profession yet I STILL scan through new diet books and read about the latest and greatest diets that seem to spring up almost daily.  I've come to the realization that this isn't working...and it isn't healthy, for me.

Source: I highly recommend reading this article by the above artist.

So goes another Tough Love episode in my life.  Rather than focusing on trimming the fat off of my mid-section I am going to trim it off of the daily bombardment of food obsessed, diet obsessed, reading material in an effort to get me back to living in the present.  Please don't get me wrong...there are many 'weight-loss' and 'healthy-living' blogs that I adore and will continue to read, and I understand that it does help some people to talk out their food battles on their blogs while getting support from this community.  I will always be a supporter of these blogs/friends, people who delve into the emotional side of their eating disorders and can offer the kind of insight I have {hopefully} just gained.  And I hope to do the same for someone else.

When Finding the Motivation is Harder Than the Work Out...

I was catching up on a few blogs that I follow when I came across one in particular that "spoke" to me today.  Josie, over at Yum Yucky, is hosting a "Finish What You Started" Challenge and posted about her own struggles with staying motivated when sometimes, what she'd rather do, is sit on the couch (read her full post here).  As I've alluded to before, I also struggle with motivation, sometimes so severe that I am SURE there is something wrong with me (read: you are a quitter, Lynn).

Source

The example I used when commenting on her post was this: "I confirmed plans last night at 10:30 pm to meet a friend for a run today after work...about an hour ago I started wondering how I can get out it. Get this...I even wondered if eating my cottage cheese (a new "dairy" food for me) might make my tummy hurt enough to HAVE to cancel our run.  How pathetic is that?!?!? 

I would be ashamed but it's important for me to share these things because many of us are so hard on ourselves and often throw in the towel when it APPEARS that willpower comes easy to some people.  It is a struggle (for me) sometimes to do what I know needs to be done.  Just because I do a HARD workout almost every single day doesn't mean it comes easily...more often than not there has been some cussing, bribing and pride issues involved to 'getter dun'."


Reflecting on this it seems to me that some people may actually react negatively to fitness posts if they don't know everything that goes into accomplishing these activities.  Sometimes, what isn't known to the reader, is the HUGE amount of self-motivation that goes into those workouts.  I've had a few friends who have made comments regarding my 'will power' and others who have expressed a kind of resignation to their own workouts by saying they would never have the resolve to workout so much (or eat vegetarian/give up {most} junk food/stick to a clean eating plan).  As I've stated before in a prior blog, it takes a LOT for me to follow through on my workouts (and clean eating).

I'd even venture to say that some of the things I do to get through my workouts can be down right ridiculous. 

 

Sometimes it's not this easy. (source)

Things I've tried or still do for 'motivation':

~pouting (not very attractive for a 40 year old)

~foot stomping (see pouting above)

~self-talk (yes, out loud)

~hand-clapping (cheerleader style)

~talking to the dog and/or cats (usually I try to reason with them "I can do this right?  I mean, it's only 40 minutes and all I WAS doing was catching up on Twitter posts. And I can quit after 20 minutes if I'm just not feeling it...can't I??")

~putting on my workout clothes so as to feel silly reading or watching TV while wearing my sports bra, running shoes and iPod strapped to my arm

~hiding my computer and telling myself I'll disclose it's location AFTER my run

~Bribing myself with some form of food/drink reward.  It used to be a 1/2 a glass of wine after a run but now it's more likely to be a Shakeology shake ONLY after a workout (otherwise I'd drink them ALL the time)

About 99% of the time I feel better after I work out or run, as do most people.  So, I don't know why I have to continue to go through this routine to stay on-track with my training plan.  I've also thought that through repetition it would become a habit and my mind & body would just go with the flow.  But it's really not that simple...not for me.  

I apologize but this is both adorable AND hilarious.

I guess what I am trying to say is that just because you may not feel like working out doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong.  It takes effort to accomplish great things and I believe that's why we feel so good after a work out. For some of us, comparing our work out schedule with others can be counter-productive...they may have different goals, a different style, and may even have too aggressive of a plan resulting in injury and/or burn out.  It can make us feel like we aren't doing enough or are lazy because we really don't want to go for a run...not even a short one.  But maybe we are all more alike in that regard than what we think.  (Even the profession athlete struggles with motivation at some point.)  

Okay, THIS might actually work...or kill me.

Many of us (myself surely included) tend to compare ourselves, our workouts, and our results to one another and although it may not be with a 'jealous' eye, it can still add to the stress of simply working out.  Don't get discouraged, try not to compare, figure out some ways to self-motivate and at least get started on your goals.  One of the best ways for me to stay focused is to actually plan my work outs.  I schedule them in my planner and even load them into my Google calendar.  When my reminder alarm goes off I TRY to treat my work out the same way that I do when my alarm goes off for work.  I get up and do it.  Even on my worst days I usually snap out of my funk within a few minutes and before I know it, my work out is over.

Are you a good self-motivator?  What have you found that works for you?  

I didn't go to runner's jail because I walked...

Thank goodness I just got my new glasses!
source

I've been a little distracted from blogging lately...squirrel =).  Honestly, the real reason behind it has been the many racing thoughts and ideas I've had that have basically paralyzed me from writing.  This is something I do quite often, and it's something I am trying to overcome.  Slowly I am learning that it's okay to jump right in to things without first perfecting them {well, I may not feel this way about parachuting or bungie jumping}. 

I am an expert at creating this type of thing.

I've done this all of my life...put off doing things until I feel I am truly prepared.  I've refused to sign up for 5K fun runs because I was afraid I wasn't training properly, put so much pressure on myself to ensure I could run the entire distance at what I felt was a decent pace, and got myself so psyched out that there was no possible way I could run in a a race just for fun.  Luckily, I was able to overcome some of this behavior this year when I registered with Team in Training.  Something about running for a cause much bigger than myself made me realize that it's not all about me...that sometimes it's the experience in it's entirety that matters...not the final time that's posted. 

I wonder if these guys got caught walking??

I've learned that I'm not a failure (nor did I get kicked off of the marathon course) because I had to take a walk break {I STILL completed a marathon and you can suck it if you think otherwise}, that it's ok at run slower than a 10 minute mile if necessary {I did it and lived to tell about it}, and it IS possible to laugh and have a great time with other runners while in the middle of a 26 mile race when your feet feel like they are bleeding and your mind is telling you to just lay down and take a quick nap {okay, so that MAY have been delirium, whatever, it was hysterical, as was downing that Bloody Mary at mile 20, FYI: I wasn't going to win the race anyway} .

However, even with this revelation, I find myself falling back into this trap in other areas of my life.  Particularly blogging (being distracted at work doesn't really count anyway).  Perhaps it's also because I want to write about a few things that are very personal...my dad and my eating disorder.  Both things have contributed to who I am today and how I deal with things (good or bad).  They are things I can not change, things I don't want to place blame upon, and things that I feel are important to talk about to get off my chest.  Doing so will help me grow...and at age 40 I realize that growth never ends.


So, over the next few days I am going to gather my wits, toss in a bit of focused concentration and write.  I'll be off camping for a couple of these days so I am hoping that it will allow me some down time to reflect and at least do justice to these tender topics.