I didn't go to runner's jail because I walked...

Thank goodness I just got my new glasses!
source

I've been a little distracted from blogging lately...squirrel =).  Honestly, the real reason behind it has been the many racing thoughts and ideas I've had that have basically paralyzed me from writing.  This is something I do quite often, and it's something I am trying to overcome.  Slowly I am learning that it's okay to jump right in to things without first perfecting them {well, I may not feel this way about parachuting or bungie jumping}. 

I am an expert at creating this type of thing.

I've done this all of my life...put off doing things until I feel I am truly prepared.  I've refused to sign up for 5K fun runs because I was afraid I wasn't training properly, put so much pressure on myself to ensure I could run the entire distance at what I felt was a decent pace, and got myself so psyched out that there was no possible way I could run in a a race just for fun.  Luckily, I was able to overcome some of this behavior this year when I registered with Team in Training.  Something about running for a cause much bigger than myself made me realize that it's not all about me...that sometimes it's the experience in it's entirety that matters...not the final time that's posted. 

I wonder if these guys got caught walking??

I've learned that I'm not a failure (nor did I get kicked off of the marathon course) because I had to take a walk break {I STILL completed a marathon and you can suck it if you think otherwise}, that it's ok at run slower than a 10 minute mile if necessary {I did it and lived to tell about it}, and it IS possible to laugh and have a great time with other runners while in the middle of a 26 mile race when your feet feel like they are bleeding and your mind is telling you to just lay down and take a quick nap {okay, so that MAY have been delirium, whatever, it was hysterical, as was downing that Bloody Mary at mile 20, FYI: I wasn't going to win the race anyway} .

However, even with this revelation, I find myself falling back into this trap in other areas of my life.  Particularly blogging (being distracted at work doesn't really count anyway).  Perhaps it's also because I want to write about a few things that are very personal...my dad and my eating disorder.  Both things have contributed to who I am today and how I deal with things (good or bad).  They are things I can not change, things I don't want to place blame upon, and things that I feel are important to talk about to get off my chest.  Doing so will help me grow...and at age 40 I realize that growth never ends.


So, over the next few days I am going to gather my wits, toss in a bit of focused concentration and write.  I'll be off camping for a couple of these days so I am hoping that it will allow me some down time to reflect and at least do justice to these tender topics.