Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I didn't go to runner's jail because I walked...

Thank goodness I just got my new glasses!

I've been a little distracted from blogging lately...squirrel =).  Honestly, the real reason behind it has been the many racing thoughts and ideas I've had that have basically paralyzed me from writing.  This is something I do quite often, and it's something I am trying to overcome.  Slowly I am learning that it's okay to jump right in to things without first perfecting them {well, I may not feel this way about parachuting or bungie jumping}. 

I am an expert at creating this type of thing.
I've done this all of my life...put off doing things until I feel I am truly prepared.  I've refused to sign up for 5K fun runs because I was afraid I wasn't training properly, put so much pressure on myself to ensure I could run the entire distance at what I felt was a decent pace, and got myself so psyched out that there was no possible way I could run in a a race just for fun.  Luckily, I was able to overcome some of this behavior this year when I registered with Team in Training.  Something about running for a cause much bigger than myself made me realize that it's not all about me...that sometimes it's the experience in it's entirety that matters...not the final time that's posted. 

I wonder if these guys got caught walking??
I've learned that I'm not a failure (nor did I get kicked off of the marathon course) because I had to take a walk break {I STILL completed a marathon and you can suck it if you think otherwise}, that it's ok at run slower than a 10 minute mile if necessary {I did it and lived to tell about it}, and it IS possible to laugh and have a great time with other runners while in the middle of a 26 mile race when your feet feel like they are bleeding and your mind is telling you to just lay down and take a quick nap {okay, so that MAY have been delirium, whatever, it was hysterical, as was downing that Bloody Mary at mile 20, FYI: I wasn't going to win the race anyway} .

However, even with this revelation, I find myself falling back into this trap in other areas of my life.  Particularly blogging (being distracted at work doesn't really count anyway).  Perhaps it's also because I want to write about a few things that are very dad and my eating disorder.  Both things have contributed to who I am today and how I deal with things (good or bad).  They are things I can not change, things I don't want to place blame upon, and things that I feel are important to talk about to get off my chest.  Doing so will help me grow...and at age 40 I realize that growth never ends.

So, over the next few days I am going to gather my wits, toss in a bit of focused concentration and write.  I'll be off camping for a couple of these days so I am hoping that it will allow me some down time to reflect and at least do justice to these tender topics.   


  1. I'll be looking forward to reading about these topics, Lynn. Purging them onto paper can be really healing; I've done quite a bit of it myself lately, despite my occasional thoughts as to whether readers will think I'm a nutjob! lol
    Enjoy camping. That is always a good place for reflection.

  2. Coming from you gives me hope. I hate having to say I "walked" on a run. It drives me crazy, why???!!! Its not like walking is any less an activity, I wasn't able to walk at a grocery store or a mall over 3 years ago for crying out loud! Thank you for your honesty and your deep thoughts. Miss you Lynn!

  3. I am glad that you realized all of this - I agree. It is ok to walk some distances in the running race. This does not mean you failed. Failure is when you didn't complete the race which is not the fact with you.


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